Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series.

Episode 17, “All Around the Town” 1/16/1967

Written by: Douglas Tibbles. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Ted Gaynor and his wife are leaving on a cruise, and Uncle Bill, the Davis children and Mr. French are all seeing them off.

You can tell from the twins’ wardrobe that this episode will have a high cuteness quotient. Look at Buffy’s outfit: The purse! The knee socks! The little white gloves!

While French and Cissy are elsewhere, Buffy and Jody hear Uncle Bill inviting “everyone” to dinner. He is talking to some clients who have joined him at the Gaynors’ bon voyage gathering, but the twins assume that the invitation includes them.

“Uncle Bill said everybody,” Buffy notes. “We’re everybody, just smaller.”

They run off to tell French and Cissy that they’ll be leaving the ship with Uncle Bill. This news delights French and Cissy–he wants to meet Miss Faversham for a poetry reading and she wants to attend a Velvet Vultures concert with Freddy.

These two are so relieved to escape child-care duty that they fail to question the plausibility of Bill inviting Buffy and Jody to a dinner with clients.

After French and Cissy leave the ship, Buffy and Jody quickly realize that Uncle Bill has departed, too. Disembarking alone, they watch the ship sail away and then ponder their next move.

At this point, the twins find a $20 dollar bill. Bright children might realize that this money could help them get home. In this episode, however, Jody and Buffy (who has previously been shown doing multiplication) are so dim that it takes them a while to realize that a 2 and 0 together make 20.

Thinking of a story in which Abraham Lincoln walked three miles to give back a nickel, the twins determine to find the money’s owner. Two exceptionally naive six-year-olds wandering around lower Manhattan waving money–no potential for trouble here.

Before long, the kids are hungry and tired.

Luckily, as the ship was pulling away from the dock, Mrs. Gaynor spotted Buffy and Jody standing alone. Eventually, she convinces her skeptical husband to contact Bill and check on the kids.

We’ve seen Ted Gaynor several times, but this is our first look at Mrs. Gaynor. Ted totally seems like the kind of guy who would dump her for a younger model.

Over a three-hour period, Uncle Bill tries to call home but gets no answer.

Concern about what’s happening at home preoccupies him when he finally goes out for dinner with the clients he talked to earlier.

Finally, he calls Scotty the doorman and learns the French returned from the ship alone and then left the apartment again at 3:30.

(Here’s what I don’t get–French must have left the ship by around 3 p.m. at the latest. Didn’t it seem odd to him that Uncle Bill was going to “dinner” at that hour?)

By the time all the adults meet up again, panic has understandably set in.

Uncle Bill calls the police.

Meanwhile, darkness has fallen and the twins are scared–so scared that it occurs to them that getting home should really be their first priority, rather than finding the money’s owner.

At last, the kids meet a kindly stranger who helps them find their apartment.

How he manages to get the twins home is a mystery, since they don’t know their phone number or their address or even the name of their street, except that it has a 6 and a 2 in it. Sheesh–and they let these kids wander freely around their own city block! Uncle Bill isn’t kidding when he makes all those speeches about not knowing the first thing about parenting.

Somehow, the twins do make it home, to everyone’s relief. Buffy offers her benefactor the $20, and Uncle Bill encourages the reluctant man to take it as a reward. He also promises the man, who is a stone mason, future work opportunities.

Uncle Bill reassures the kids that he’s not mad at them. If I were him, I would be pretty pissed at French–he should never have taken off without confirming the children’s arrangements.

Commentary

Implausibilities and inconsistencies aside, this is a favorite episode of mine. It’s scary to watch Buffy and Jody wandering the big city on their own. It’s also touching to watch Jody comforting a scared Buffy.

I like this dark alley shot–it’s a change from your usual Family Affair atmosphere.

Guest cast

Jose: Harry Davis. Ted Gaynor: John Hubbard. Mrs. Florence Gaynor: Andrea King. Scotty: Karl Lukas. Policeman: Vic Tayback. Frenchman: George Dega. Frenchwoman: Danielle Aubry. Chestnut Man: Jack Tesler. Mr. Carvallo: Rodolfo Hoyos. Mr. Gonzales: Gerardo de Cordovia. Mr. Goya: Saverio Lo Medico. Chinese Chef: Tommy Lee. Delivery Man: Harold Fong. Miss Faversham: Heather Angel. Whew! That’s a huge guest cast, with a lot of ethnic diversity.

Random Heather Angel image: It’s nice to see Miss Faversham out of her nanny suit.

Continuity Notes

Vic Tayback’s policeman from Episode 8 returns. We also get Scotty, Ted Gaynor, the Velvet Vultures, a Freddy mention, and a (fuzzy) reference to the Davis address.

Notable Quotes

“Maybe New York is a foreign country.”–Jody, after he tries to communicate with a French couple in the park.

(Actually, New York was like a foreign country to me when I watched this show as a kid. Episodes like this fascinated me because they gave me a glimpse, admittedly distorted, of how city kids lived.)

Today’s Bonus Feature

TV Guide, May 31, 1969

Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series. I’m sorry that it’s late. My husband had to use our laptop last night for actual work–the nerve!

Episode 16, “That Was the Dinner That Wasn’t,” 1/9/1967

Written by: Dorothy Cooper Foote. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Something’s bothering Cissy. What could it be?

Oh. Ouch.

If being an orphan isn’t bad enough, she has the least tactful group of friends ever. This is only a slight paraphrase:

Friend 1: Is your mother coming to the dinner, Cissy? Oh…right, sorry.”

Friend 2: Don’t worry, we have a father-daughter dance in the spring! Oh…yeah, sorry.”

Cissy even has to listen as the girls complain about their own mothers.

And, to make matters worse, some of her sketches will be on display at this dinner she can’t attend. Did you know Cissy is an artist? Well, she is, as we’ll see shortly.

She hides the reason for her sadness from Uncle Bill, but he knows something is bothering her and wants to help. He spends a lot of time worrying and lamenting his lack of parenting skills. How concerned is he? On his one evening home between two business trips, he actually cancels a date to spend time with Cissy.

Actually, he makes French cancel his date. The woman in question, Maria Cantelli, doesn’t take it especially well.

As it turns out, Cissy has a date of her own, so Bill tries to mend fences with an unforgiving Miss Cantelli. God forbid he should spend his evening with Buffy and Jody. Hey, they’re not having a major emotional crisis this week.

Random fashion note: Cissy looks pretty in her green date dress.

The next day, as Bill prepares to head for the airport, he’s still clueless about what’s bothering Cissy. Even his suggestion of retail therapy doesn’t help. Cissy’s response is one that few teenage girls have ever uttered: “I have more clothes than I need.”

She’s so upset she doesn’t even touch this hearty meal French has prepared for her.

At the airport, he meets Miss Cantelli, who’s willing to make nice with him if he apologizes and joins her for dinner.

They should have saved this episode for St. Patrick’s Day. Green is everywhere.

Just then, however, he runs into Cissy’s friend Gail, who fills him in about the dinner.

My God, what’s that on Gail’s head? It’s not even the same color as the rest of her hair.

Bill quickly enlists French’s help to maneuver Cissy to the airport, where he spends some quality time with her without letting her know that he knows about the banquet.

Cissy is very impressed by this “fancy” airport restaurant.

They have a warm conversation, and at one point Uncle Bill offhandedly refers to her has his daughter, rather than his niece.

Cissy is so moved that she dashes off this sketch of Uncle Bill in about two minutes.

Watching this scene warms even the cold, cold heart of Maria Cantelli, who was angry about being rebuffed for a second time.

Commentary

This is another nice Cissy-Uncle Bill episode; the part where he calls her his daughter is especially touching. Occasionally, though, Kathy Garver’s admiring-niece portrayal strays uncomfortably close to girl-with-a-crush territory.

Feel the love.

Guest Cast

Patty: Elizabeth Bader. Maria Cantelli: Jacqueline Bertrand. Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Gail: Diane Mountford. This is Mountford’s second of five appearances and Lynn’s second of four as Uncle Bill’s secretary.

Fun Facts

When Cissy was 12, she wanted to be a nurse.

Continuity Notes

This episode makes specific reference to the death of the kids’ parents.

Ted Gaynor gets a mention.

Random decor note: I like Uncle Bill’s sheets.

Notable Quotes

“If Cissy marries Freddy, will he be our brother or our uncle?” Buffy

Random twin image: Buffy and Mrs. Beasley, who are playing cowboys and Indians with Jody.

Today’s Bonus Feature

TV Guide, November 16, 1968

Welcome to the latest installment of my weekly Family Affair series!

Season 1, Episode 11, “Take Two Aspirin,” 11/28/1966

Written by: George Tibbles. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

The prospect of spending three months in New York makes Uncle Bill restless, both at home and at work.

Buffy and Jody spy on a jumpy Uncle Bill. Prominent here is the rarely seen Davis TV, rabbit ears and all. You might think that, like Chekhov’s gun, the TV will become important later. It doesn’t.

He jumps at the chance to work with his old friend Dave McCovey on a project in Mexico. Dave is building a pipeline, and three other engineers have disappointed him.

“You have to go around that shale,” Uncle Bill tells Dave. That’s the kind of engineering advice you can only get from Bill Davis (and only on site).

Besides respecting Bill’s engineering acumen, Dave also admires his friend’s attitude toward family. “You love ’em but you don’t get tied down,” Dave says, launching Bill into a tizzy of worry.

Meanwhile, at home, Cissy leaves to spend the weekend with a friend, and French comes down with the flu. Buffy and Jody do their best to take care of French, and you can imagine how that goes.

On a call home, Bill gathers that French is sick and that the twins are cooking. Understandably, he becomes alarmed. First grader Jody doesn’t even know the difference between the words “fly” and “flu.” These are definitely not kids who should be trusted near an oven.

French feels better after a nap–until he sees what Buffy and Jody have prepared for him.

Buffy’s “omelet”

Jody’s peanut butter sandwiches (laced with aspirin!)

French’s reaction.

After a quick swoon, French rallies enough to take the twins out for dinner. Cissy arrives home unexpectedly to an empty apartment and becomes alarmed. Uncle Bill picks that moment to phone home again, and his own nervousness increases.

Odd overreactions drive this episode. I’m fan-wanking that the sudden death of the kids’ parents left all the Davises with PTSD and hair-trigger nerves.

Uncle Bill does reach French later and finds out that he’s okay. While they’re talking, the twins break a vase in the hallway, and French announces that “the Ming” is gone. The phone line cuts out, and Bill’s left believing that the family has been robbed.

The “Ming”

Bill decides to head for home. By the time he arrives, of course, everything’s fine. He suggests a school composition topic for Cissy–the tricks that the imagination can play. (Cissy’s planned topic was long hair on men!)

My Thoughts

This rather choppy episode is not one of my favorites. Mr. French is at his irritable best sick in bed, though.

“Sloshing damp rags on a chap when he’s lying down–that’s not cricket.”–French after Jody awakens him by dropping a wet cloth on his head.

The twins’ attempts to cook are also funny.

Guest Cast

Dave McCovey: Norman Alden. Ted Gaynor: John Hubbard.

Norman Alden’s voice was perhaps more memorable than his face. He was a ubiquitous guest on 1960s and 1970s TV shows. Generation Xers like me might remember him as Polly’s father on My Three Sons, Frank Heflin on Electra Woman and Dyna Girl, or the voice of Aquaman on Superfriends. He died in July of this year.

Continuity Notes

Jody’s turtle gets a final mention–he dies while Uncle Bill is out of the country. (Previously referred to as Dinky, the turtle is called Alexander in this episode.) Scotty the doorman is mentioned but not seen. Uncle Bill’s service in Korea comes up again. (He contracted malaria, but he didn’t let it slow him down.)

Random Fashion Moment: The kids’ going-out-to-eat-on-a-rainy-day clothes are cute.

Today’s Bonus Feature
This article about Anissa Jones is from TV Radio Mirror, March 1967. It includes adorable publicity photos of Jones, Johnny Whitaker, and Sebastian Cabot on an outing at the Los Angeles Zoo.

Enjoy my whole Family Affair series!