Written by: Austin and Irma Kalish. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Our episode opens with Buffy and Jody waiting in the lobby for the mailman.

When the letter arrives, however, it seems that Bill has more than business on his mind.

Cissy explains to the kids that a villa is “better than a house but not as good as a palace.” She also has to explain that Bill’s closing,  “Ciao,” means goodbye.

Soon we get to see what’s keeping Bill in Rome.

She and Bill engage in some flirty back-and-forth about whether he really has to leave Italy so soon.

Back at home, the twins overhear French making inquiries about a valet job in another household.

They try to tell Cissy their concerns that Bill will decide to marry and stay in Rome.

Jody raises that possibility that Ken won’t propose, especially if he ever sees Cissy in curlers. He also points out that Cissy is very young.

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” Cissy responds.

Back in Rome, Bill and Lucianna are getting closer.

That night, both Buffy and Jody are kept awake by fear–fear that Bill will stay in Rome and leave them behind. While Cissy is marrying and picking rosebuds, they will be split up again and parceled out to other relatives–this time for good.

Buffy is more realistic, saying that the adults won’t let him.

She assures them that Bill will be coming back in a few days.

Of course, the kids run off to ask him right away.

French, too, tries to reassure the kids. The job he was inquiring about was for a friend, he tells them.

Yes, Cissy, I wonder.

They expect him to announce when he’s coming home, but instead their fears are realized: Bill is getting married and planning to live in Rome.

That afternoon, before the twins get home from school, Bill reaches Cissy by phone.

He urges French to start learning Italian so he can manage Lucianna’s household staff.

French and the twins return to find a despondent Cissy, who is convinced Bill is really abandoning them.

He even offers to–gasp!–call Bill and ask him a direct question about the situation. Cissy, however, advises against it.

Eventually, the kids get French to consider the possibility that Bill’s new wife won’t want them around.

French say, in that case, he won’t be going either.

“You mean right away?” Buffy asks.

“I mean at all,” he says, firmly.

Realizing that he is prepared to take responsibility for them, Buffy cries, “Hooray!” (I do, too. This is a great moment, one of the best in the series.)

 

Meanwhile, in Rome, Lucianna is pressing Bill to set a date and start planning the wedding.

It will be lovely to get to know them, she says, even if it will only be for a short time.

Bill says he thought it went without saying that the kids would live with them.

Back at home, French is making practical plans for supporting the children. The rent is paid on their apartment until the end of the year, he notes. He decides to investigate the valet job opening for himself.

While French looks for work, Cissy and the kids take over some of his domestic duties.

French won’t let Cissy quit school to take a job selling hosiery, but Jody does take on a new responsibility.

A knock at the door soon changes everything.

That night, the twins express how worried they were about the family splitting up.

“Well, ciao, everybody,” Bill says, sending the twins back into a panic that he’s saying goodbye again.

French and Cissy explain that ciao, like aloha, can mean hello as well as goodbye.

Aww.

Commentary

Episodes that threaten the Davis family unit are always moving, and this is no exception. The commitment that “Uncle French” shows for the children is especially sweet.

It’s interesting to realize that this episode had some parallels to Brian Keith’s own life. In 1969, he would divorce his long-time wife Judith Landon and marry a much younger woman. Victoria Young was, in fact, five years younger than the actress who played Lucianna here.

Parts of this episode also remind of The Parent Trap, with Lucianna in the role of Vicky.

Maybe Lucianna should have tried Vicky’s “Swiss boarding school” plan.

This episode also foreshadows Executive Producer Don Fedderson’s next series. To Rome with Love, which would premier in 1969, starred John Forsythe as a single father raising three girls in Rome. Anissa Jones, Johnnie Whitaker, and Sebastian Cabot would all appear as their Family Affair characters in one 1970 episode of that series. Brioni Farrell, who plays Lucianna here, also appeared in one episode of To Rome with Love.

Inconsistency Alert

This episode’s big dog scares Cissy, but Oliver didn’t. Maybe all the other tension this week increased her anxiety.

Notable Quotes

“Jody, when you’re in love, curlers don’t matter.”–Cissy

“Sometimes I get the feeling that Italy is just one big sidewalk cafe.”–Bill

Guest Cast

Lucianna: Brioni Farrell. Mr. Foster: Gus Edwards. Waiter: Ralph Lanza.

Greek actress Brioni Farrell had a low-key but steady television career through the 1990s.

Edwards would appear once more on Family Affair as the mailman.

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

I apologize for the delay in posting this installment. Because I have a terrible cold today, this post is shorter than most. I promise to have a new Family Affair post ready for you June 6. Also, please visit Thursday, June 5, when I’ll be taking part in the Summer of MeTV Classic TV Blogathon. My entry, called “In Praise of Peter,” will focus on The Brady Bunch. (Update, June 3: With the passing of Ann B. Davis, I have changed the focus of my blogathon entry, which will now be called “Alice: An Appreciation.”)

In the Davis household this week, Bill comes home to find Buffy and Jody in the closet.

Strange behavior, since he’s supposed to be the good guy in this game.

I love how blase Bill looks amid this carnage. He does ask French where Jody got the toy guns and learns that he traded other items for them.

Her friend’s name is Gwen–a different Gwen than the one usually played by Diane Mountford. This Gwen is bragging about how she put a teacher in her place. When Gwen leaves, Bill observes that she comes on rather strong. Cissy says Gwen is her only friend who really “knows what it’s all about.”

That statement should probably worry Bill, but he is more pre-occupied with Buffy and Jody’s TV-watching habits.

He has checkers or tiddly-winks in mind, but their favorite games have names like Demolition Squad and Sabotage.

Hmm, substituting fairy tales for violent entertainment…What could possibly be the flaw in that plan?

He suggests to Cissy that Gwen is using her, but Cissy doesn’t want to hear it.

French, who screeches the witch’s lines dramatically, is taken aback over how violent the story is, although he tries to “etcetera, etcetera” over the worst of it.

Surprisingly, the kids don’t know what a troll is.

French shows them the book illustration.

Soon, Buffy is seeking refuge in Bill’s room.

We actually get to see Jody’s nightmare, which is by far the best part of this episode.

Jody ends up in Bill’s room, too.

Cissy’s evening isn’t any better. She becomes disgusted with Gwen, who stays out much later than Cissy expected.

That line cracks me up.

Bill has learned his lesson, too–banning TV in favor of stories doesn’t work. He will have to take the time to evaluate each entertainment on its merits.

Commentary

This episode lends itself to a quick summary because both of its plots are shallow. We don’t even get to learn about the undoubtedly horrible home life that makes Gwen so insufferable. The nightmare sequence is great, though. If only we got to see Buffy’s vision of Mr. French as a witch.

Guest Cast

Gwen: Susan Abbott. Pete: Sundown J. Spencer. Story Lady: Jane Webb. Herbie: Randy Whipple.

Just as Cissy usually has a friend named Gwen, Jody usually has a friend named Pete or Peter. Randy Whipple has played Peter in several previous episodes.

Most of Jane Webb’s credits are for performing cartoon voices, particularly female voices on various Archies animated series.

 

Written by: Ernestine Barton. Directed by: Charles Barton. (Any relation? I don’t know; information about Ernestine Barton is scarce.)

We open once again in the twins’ classroom. We’ve been here a lot lately, haven’t we?

The baseball’s route goes through Albertine, who sits between the boys.

Miss Cummings is ticked.

Like the good boy he is, Jody confesses that the ball is his. After the crisis passes, Jody sends a friendly smile Albertine’s way, but she ignores him. He and Buffy exchange bemused looks.

After school, Jody retrieves his baseball from the teacher and explains its provenance: Willie Mays hit it foul at a Mets-Giants game Jody and Bill were attending, and Bill caught it. (Later, we’ll learn that he also got Mays to autograph it.)

Before he leaves, she asks him how the new girl–Albertine–is getting along. Jody says he doesn’t play much with girls, other than Buffy, but he’s noticed Albertine sitting by herself a lot.

Albertine says she’s waiting for her mother, who’s attending an adults-only party upstairs until 5 o’clock.

Well, that sounds plausible.

She notes that she only has to wait alone because her father is out of town.

 

Buffy is jealous that Albertine is eating “jelly bread.” The twins have to make do with roast beef. (I think the presence or absence of protein is a class indicator. Remember the “bread and sugar” gang?)

They are surprised that Albertine knows how to play chess. Uncle Bill and Mr. French play, but the game is beyond the twins’ intellectual capabilities. (In some episodes, it seems like “pin the tail on the donkey” would be beyond their intellectual capabilities.)

Albertine says her father, a world-champion chess player, taught her the game.

They suggest that she come upstairs for a chess match with Mr. French, and Albertine agrees.

Buffy introduces her to Mrs. Beasley, and Jody shows her the bridge model he made.

“Which war?” Jody asks.

“You know, the war,” Albertine replies.

Seeing Jody’s autographed baseball, she also claims that her dad is a big league player.

If you aren’t starting to feel uneasy about Albertine’s father, you haven’t watched much TV.

I know nothing about chess, but that sounds bad.

French is stunned when she declares checkmate.

The twins fill Bill in about Albertine’s chess champion father and his many achievements. Albertine clams up, however, when Bill asks his name.

As Albertine says goodbye to the twins, her tales grow even taller: Her family has a big car and a Japanese chauffeur, and her neighborhood is blocking off the street to celebrate her father’s impending return from out of town. She also says her father loves kids like Bill does–it’s touching that she picked up on that so fast.

The next day after school, Albertine leaves for home before Jody can give her his baseball–he wants her ball-player father to autograph it.

The twins convince French to swing by Albertine’s place on the way home. How they know where she lives, I have no idea.

He points out where she lives, but he is amused when the kids start bombarding him with questions about Albertine’s amazing father.

(It seems like French should have twigged to what was going on at this point and found a way to avoid the unpleasantness to come.)

The twins refuse to believe that Albertine’s father abandoned his family a long time ago.

“Man, has old Albertine been laying it on you!” the neighborhood youth chuckles.

That guy’s a real jerk. He reminds me of almost every kid in my elementary school.

Bill says Albertine wanted a father so badly that she made one up. He also suggests that they avoid mentioning the subject at school and just treat Albertine normally.

Buffy says that if she had to make up a father, she would make up one just like Bill and Mr. French. Aww. I saw the Bill line coming, but it’s sweet that she included French.

Albertine fails to show up for school the next day, but later the kids see her waiting in the lobby.

“Nobody would rather be alone,” Buffy says.

Jody, much too loudly, adds, “We don’t care if her father ran away.” Ouch.

That night, Buffy and Jody pour out their feelings to Bill.

They wonder whether Albertine couldn’t just adopt Bill, as they did. Bill tries to explain that he can’t do much to help Albertine, but eventually they convince him to try talking to her.

I know some Family Affair haters who would react the same way, for different reasons.

He’s understandably sheepish, admitting that the situation is none of his business, but explaining that Buffy and Jody have been worried about Albertine.

(The Smith apartment proves one thing: Family Affair green transcends racial and class lines.)

Mrs. Smith reveals that her husband left the family because he couldn’t handle being unemployed while his wife earned money doing laundry. She also says that it was a doorman at a building where she worked who taught Albertine chess.

(For reasons that aren’t clear to me, she specifies that the doorman was a foreigner. Maybe he was Albertine’s inspiration for the Japanese chauffeur?)

Bill asks to speak to Albertine, and Mrs. Smith agrees.

 

Bill says he understands how she feels about not having a father because Buffy and Jody don’t have a father or a mother. He talks about how unprepared he was for raising children when the twins arrived and how helpless he felt hearing them cry at night. All he could do was love them–the same way Albertine’s mother loves her.

Albertine doesn’t say anything, but she seems to think about his words.

When French wonders if that’s a major development, Bill says it’s a start.

Commentary

This is a nice episode that handles potentially sensitive issues with grace. It’s one of many episodes exploring the diversity of New York City. These “Buffy and Jody meet the poors” episodes have the potential to come across as patronizing, but the show’s heart is clearly in the right place. The fact that Buffy and Jody have lost their parents gives them some kind of kinship with kids in other rough situations.

The show has really progressed in its use of African-American actors since Season One, when it was rare to see one, let alone hear one speak a line.

Continuity Notes

Jody’s bridge is a call-back, and we get another French reference to “the playing fields of Eton.”

Guest Cast

Peter: Mike Durkin. Albertine Smith: Alycia Gardner. Mrs. Smith: Mittie Lawrence. Roy: Theodore Miller. Miss Cummings: Joan Vohs.

No one here had a very long TV career. Mittie Lawrence’s most visible role was in Funny Girl as Barbra Streisand’s personal assistant. She’s most familiar to me, though, from an Adam-12 Christmas episode–the one where the kid wanted a dump truck. Lawrence was the life partner of prolific character actor Robert DoQui, who also made one Family Affair appearance.

 

Written by: Joseph Hoffman. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We start this episode with a familiar set-up: The kids rushing in from the park and overwhelming a busy Uncle Bill. This time, they’re babbling about a new friend they made in the park–Oliver.

Oliver’s family is going away for the weekend, and the kids want to know if he can stay over. The last time his family went away, they note, Oliver got a broken heart.

Buffy, in a total non-sequitur,  replies that Oliver is not exactly little. A distracted Bill doesn’t pick up on this odd comment and gives his permission for Oliver to stay.

(He’ll learn an important lesson here–in the future, talk to the other parents directly before issuing an invitation.)

The kids rush off to Buffy’s room, where their excitement gives way to guilt. Oliver, it seems, is a dog. The kids purposely avoided telling Bill the truth, while stopping just short of telling any actual lies. They manipulated him into agreeing to Oliver’s visit because they know Bill believes, as Jody says, “When a man gives his word, he keeps it, no matter what.”

Meanwhile, Bill gives French a heads-up that Oliver will be arriving soon.

Soon, however, they get to meet the mysterious Oliver.

“This great beast is Oliver?” French cries.

(Something about the way Sebastian Cabot says the word “beast” tickles me to no end. Luckily, this is the first of four times he’ll use it in this episode.)

Bill’s not amused about the situation. He says Oliver can’t stay because it’s against building rules. (This is debatable.)

The twins move back into manipulative mode.

“We don’t mind if you don’t keep your word,” Jody sighs.

“I guess that only goes for kids,” Buffy agrees.

Does this predicament leave Bill rubbing his head?

He gives in and says he’ll convince the apartment manager to let Oliver stay for a few days.

“That’s what I’d call a big dog!” she exclaims. (Oliver really is quite large. He’s downright Putin-worthy.)

That evening, the twins fret about whether Bill would still like them if he knew they tricked him.

When Bill comes in to say goodnight, it becomes obvious that Oliver hates the sound of his voice. He hustles Jody off to bed, leaving Oliver with Buffy.

French was supposed to retrieve Oliver from Buffy’s room and confine him somewhere for the night.

Jody hushes Oliver and tells him not to wake up Bill, who has a big meeting the next morning.

(I wouldn’t want to share a twin bed with Oliver, either, but Jody could have moved to the sofa or the girls’ room if he didn’t want to disturb his uncle.)

“How dare you take liberties?!” French shouts, sending Oliver scurrying for the door. (I bet it’s been a long time since anyone took liberties with Mr. French.)

Oliver, of course, winds up in Bill’s room. Does Bill get a good night’s sleep?

He can’t focus on his work, so he heads home to get some rest. (If one sleepless night throws Bill so far off his game, he’s lucky he missed the newborn stage of parenting. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night for two and a half years!)

Bill and French discuss the situation and brainstorm ideas for getting through another night.

French’s first idea is having the dog stuffed, but he admits that might not be practical.

With a twinkle in his eye, he offers another suggestion: “Perhaps a sleeping pill in that beast’s great mound of meat, sir?”

Bill rejects that idea, too.

Finally, French volunteers to run the dog around the park to tire him out. “He will sleep the sleep of the well-worn beast,” French promises.

Oliver has other ideas, though–he spies another dog and takes off chasing it.

French feels guilty about letting Oliver get away, although Bill assures him that nothing human could hold the dog back.

Eventually, gets a call from an irate dress shop owner.

French and Bill have to head out before dawn to retrieve the dog..

He tries to explain what’s been going on at home to his co-workers.

At home, Buffy and Jody are running Oliver around the apartment in another attempt at tiring him.

It’s too late, though. Complaints from the downstairs neighbors bring the apartment manager to door.

Bill tells the kids Oliver will have to spend the last night before his family returns in a kennel. Of course, he nearly caves again when the twins tug at his heartstrings.

It’s up to French to make the ultimate sacrifice. “The clumsy beast seems to like me,” French sighs.

So, that night…

(I bet French doesn’t shirk his duties the next day, either.)

Once Oliver is home safely with his owners, the twins come clean about deceiving Uncle BIll.

They even come up with their own punishments: No dessert and no TV for a week. (French thinks the TV ban is “cruel and unusual punishment.” He’s probably sad about losing his usual quiet hour during Captain Hippopotamus.)

A stoic Bill agrees to their plan. Nervously, they ask him if he still likes them.

He responds quickly: “No.”

Of course, Bill soon breaks into a laugh, giving this episode a typical hugs-and-kisses ending.

Commentary

This isn’t a great episode, but it’s an entertaining one, thanks mainly to Sebastian Cabot. It’s also fun to watch Bill run and cower in Oliver’s presence. It makes a nice comic contrast with Brian Keith’s usual hyper-masculine persona.

Guest Cast

Madame Antoinette: Danielle Aubry. Policeman: David Brandon. Mr. Ross: Richard Bull. Mr. Brown: Hap Holmwood. Mr. Rogers: Vince Howard. Scotty: Karl Lukas.

Richard Bull, who makes his second of three appearances as the apartment manager, died in February at age 89.

Vince Howard had a prolific career in television. It’s surprising that he doesn’t play the police officer here because that was by far his most typical role. For instance, he played Police Officer Vince on Emergency!