Family Affair Friday: Episode 17, “All Around the Town,” 1/16/1967

Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series.

Episode 17, “All Around the Town” 1/16/1967

Written by: Douglas Tibbles. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Ted Gaynor and his wife are leaving on a cruise, and Uncle Bill, the Davis children and Mr. French are all seeing them off.

You can tell from the twins' wardrobe that this episode will have a high cuteness quotient. Look at Buffy's outfit: The purse! The knee socks! The little white gloves!

You can tell from the twins’ wardrobe that this episode will have a high cuteness quotient. Look at Buffy’s outfit: The purse! The knee socks! The little white gloves!

While French and Cissy are elsewhere, Buffy and Jody hear Uncle Bill inviting “everyone” to dinner. He is talking to some clients who have joined him at the Gaynors’ bon voyage gathering, but the twins assume that the invitation includes them.

“Uncle Bill said everybody,” Buffy notes. “We’re everybody, just smaller.”

They run off to tell French and Cissy that they’ll be leaving the ship with Uncle Bill. This news delights French and Cissy–he wants to meet Miss Faversham for a poetry reading and she wants to attend a Velvet Vultures concert with Freddy.

These two are so relieved to escape child-care duty that they fail to question the plausibility of Bill inviting Buffy and Jody to a dinner with clients.

These two are so relieved to escape child-care duty that they fail to question the plausibility of Bill inviting Buffy and Jody to a dinner with clients.

After French and Cissy leave the ship, Buffy and Jody quickly realize that Uncle Bill has departed, too. Disembarking alone, they watch the ship sail away and then ponder their next move.

At this point, the twins find a $20 dollar bill. Bright children might realize that this money could help them get home. In this episode, however, Jody and Buffy (who has previously been shown doing multiplication) are so dim that it takes them a while to realize that a 2 and 0 together make 20.

At this point, the twins find a $20 dollar bill. Bright children might realize that this money could help them get home. In this episode, however, Jody and Buffy (who has previously been shown doing multiplication) are so dim that it takes them a while to realize that a 2 and 0 together make 20.

Thinking of a story in which Abraham Lincoln walked three miles to give back a nickel, the twins determine to find the money’s owner. Two exceptionally naive six-year-olds wandering around lower Manhattan waving money–no potential for trouble here.

Before long, the kids are hungry and tired.

Before long, the kids are hungry and tired.

Luckily, as the ship was pulling away from the dock, Mrs. Gaynor spotted Buffy and Jody standing alone. Eventually, she convinces her skeptical husband to contact Bill and check on the kids.

We've seen Ted Gaynor several times, but this is our first look at Mrs. Gaynor. Ted totally seems like the kind of guy who would dump her for a younger model.

We’ve seen Ted Gaynor several times, but this is our first look at Mrs. Gaynor. Ted totally seems like the kind of guy who would dump her for a younger model.

Over a three-hour period, Uncle Bill tries to call home but gets no answer.

Concern about what's happening at home preoccupies him when he finally goes out for dinner with the clients he talked to earlier.

Concern about what’s happening at home preoccupies him when he finally goes out for dinner with the clients he talked to earlier.

Finally, he calls Scotty the doorman and learns the French returned from the ship alone and then left the apartment again at 3:30.

(Here’s what I don’t get–French must have left the ship by around 3 p.m. at the latest. Didn’t it seem odd to him that Uncle Bill was going to “dinner” at that hour?)

By the time all the adults meet up again, panic has understandably set in.

By the time all the adults meet up again, panic has understandably set in.

Uncle Bill calls the police.

Meanwhile, darkness has fallen and the twins are scared--so scared that it occurs to them that getting home should really be their first priority, rather than finding the money's owner.

Meanwhile, darkness has fallen and the twins are scared–so scared that it occurs to them that getting home should really be their first priority, rather than finding the money’s owner.

At last, the kids meet a kindly stranger who helps them find their apartment.

How he managed to get them home is a mystery, since they don't know their phone number or their address or even the name of their street, except that it has a 6 and a 2 in it.

How he manages to get the twins home is a mystery, since they don’t know their phone number or their address or even the name of their street, except that it has a 6 and a 2 in it. Sheesh–and they let these kids wander freely around their own city block! Uncle Bill isn’t kidding when he makes all those speeches about not knowing the first thing about parenting.

Somehow, the twins do make it home, to everyone’s relief. Buffy offers her benefactor the $20, and Uncle Bill encourages the reluctant man to take it as a reward. He also promises the man, who is a stone mason, future work opportunities.

Uncle Bill reassures the kids that he's not mad at them. If I were him, I would be pretty pissed at French--he should never have taken off without confirming the children's arrangements.

Uncle Bill reassures the kids that he’s not mad at them. If I were him, I would be pretty pissed at French–he should never have taken off without confirming the children’s arrangements.

Commentary

Implausibilities and inconsistencies aside, this is a favorite episode of mine. It’s scary to watch Buffy and Jody wandering the big city on their own. It’s also touching to watch Jody comforting a scared Buffy.

I like this dark alley shot--it's a change from your usual Family Affair atmosphere.

I like this dark alley shot–it’s a change from your usual Family Affair atmosphere.

Guest cast

Jose: Harry Davis. Ted Gaynor: John Hubbard. Mrs. Florence Gaynor: Andrea King. Scotty: Karl Lukas. Policeman: Vic Tayback. Frenchman: George Dega. Frenchwoman: Danielle Aubry. Chestnut Man: Jack Tesler. Mr. Carvallo: Rodolfo Hoyos. Mr. Gonzales: Gerardo de Cordovia. Mr. Goya: Saverio Lo Medico. Chinese Chef: Tommy Lee. Delivery Man: Harold Fong. Miss Faversham: Heather Angel. Whew! That’s a huge guest cast, with a lot of ethnic diversity.

Random Heather Angel image: It's nice to see Miss Faversham out of her nanny suit.

Random Heather Angel image: It’s nice to see Miss Faversham out of her nanny suit.

Continuity Notes

Vic Tayback’s policeman from Episode 8 returns. We also get Scotty, Ted Gaynor, the Velvet Vultures, a Freddy mention, and a (fuzzy) reference to the Davis address.

Notable Quotes

“Maybe New York is a foreign country.”–Jody, after he tries to communicate with a French couple in the park.

(Actually, New York was like a foreign country to me when I watched this show as a kid. Episodes like this fascinated me because they gave me a glimpse, admittedly distorted, of how city kids lived.)

Today’s Bonus Feature

TV Guide, May 31, 1969

Old-Time Radio Playlist: Happy New Year, Part 2

Happy New Year!

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who have found this blog since I started it in August, especially my little group of regular readers and commenters. It’s been fun sharing my eclectic set of interests with you, and I hope you find much to enjoy here in 2013, including:

  • Many more old-time radio playlists, focusing not only on holidays and seasons but on themes ranging from babies, dogs, and cats, to Shakespeare, courtroom drama, and the fourth estate. I will also assemble playlists featuring my favorite screen stars, including Joseph Cotten, Barbara Stanwyck, Cary Grant, Margaret O’Brien, Bing Crosby, Myrna Loy, and others.
  • Many bizarre words of wisdom from vintage teenage advice books and teen magazines.
  • A new occasional feature called Comic Book Craziness, featuring oddities from my small collection of 1960s and 1970s romance and superhero comics.
  • Some entertaining vintage board games in my Spin Again Sunday series. Coming up in the next two weeks: A 1955 Dragnet game and a 1970s girls career game that was already so retrograde in its own time that it included a disclaimer.
  • Occasional looks at other vintage toys in my collection, including Barbie dolls and accessories, more Fisher Price Play Family toys, Viewmaster reels, Colorforms, Mattel’s Sunshine Family dolls, and others.
  • More posts about classic movies. This is an area I planned to explore more frequently than I have so far. I am hoping to blog about movies at least a couple times a month this year.
  • And, of course, many more installments of Family Affair Friday. We are about half way through season 1, and I am particularly excited about starting season 2—my very favorite.

Since becoming part of the blogosphere, one of my greatest pleasures has been discovering so many wonderful bloggers producing entertaining and insightful work. My new year’s resolution is to spend more time reading and commenting on your blogs.

And now, as a New Year’s treat, I present 10 old-time radio episodes.  Enjoy!

“The Strange Case of the Iron Box”

Sherlock Holmes
December 31, 1945

“New Year’s Resolution”

The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show
December 29, 1946

“New Year’s Day”

Henry Morgan
January 1, 1947

“New Year’s Nightmare”

The Mysterious Traveler
January 5, 1947

“Rain on New Year’s Eve”

Quiet, Please
December 29, 1947

“Hot New Year’s Party”

Casey, Crime Photographer
January 1, 1948

“Jack Tries to Get Tickets for the Rose Bowl”

Jack Benny Program
January 4, 1948

“Riley Invites Himself to His Boss’ New Year’s Eve Party”

Life of Riley
December 31, 1948

“The Big New Year’s”

Dragnet
March 8, 1951

“The Old Man”

Suspense
December 31, 1961

Family Affair Friday(ish): Episode 16, “That Was the Dinner That Wasn’t,” 1/9/1967

Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series. I’m sorry that it’s late. My husband had to use our laptop last night for actual work–the nerve!

Episode 16, “That Was the Dinner That Wasn’t,” 1/9/1967

Written by: Dorothy Cooper Foote. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Something’s bothering Cissy. What could it be?

Oh. Ouch.

Oh. Ouch.

If being an orphan isn’t bad enough, she has the least tactful group of friends ever. This is only a slight paraphrase:

Friend 1: Is your mother coming to the dinner, Cissy? Oh…right, sorry.”

Friend 2: Don’t worry, we have a father-daughter dance in the spring! Oh…yeah, sorry.”

Cissy even has to listen as the girls complain about their own mothers.

Cissy even has to listen as the girls complain about their own mothers.

And, to make matters worse, some of her sketches will be on display at this dinner she can’t attend. Did you know Cissy is an artist? Well, she is, as we’ll see shortly.

She hides the reason for her sadness from Uncle Bill, but he knows something is bothering her and wants to help. He spends a lot of time worrying and lamenting his lack of parenting skills. How concerned is he? On his one evening home between two business trips, he actually cancels a date to spend time with Cissy.

Actually, he makes French cancel his date. The woman in question, Maria Cantelli, doesn't take it especially well.

Actually, he makes French cancel his date. The woman in question, Maria Cantelli, doesn’t take it especially well.

As it turns out, Cissy has a date of her own, so Bill tries to mend fences with an unforgiving Miss Cantelli. God forbid he should spend his evening with Buffy and Jody. Hey, they’re not having a major emotional crisis this week.

Random fashion note: Cissy looks pretty in her green date dress.

Random fashion note: Cissy looks pretty in her green date dress.

The next day, as Bill prepares to head for the airport, he’s still clueless about what’s bothering Cissy. Even his suggestion of retail therapy doesn’t help. Cissy’s response is one that few teenage girls have ever uttered: “I have more clothes than I need.”

She's so upset she doesn't even touch this hearty meal French has prepared for her.

She’s so upset she doesn’t even touch this hearty meal French has prepared for her.

At the airport, he meets Miss Cantelli, who’s willing to make nice with him if he apologizes and joins her for dinner.

They should have saved this episode for St. Patrick's Day. Green is everywhere.

They should have saved this episode for St. Patrick’s Day. Green is everywhere.

Just then, however, he runs into Cissy’s friend Gail, who fills him in about the dinner.

My God, what's that on Gail's head? It's not even the same color as the rest of her hair.

My God, what’s that on Gail’s head? It’s not even the same color as the rest of her hair.

Bill quickly enlists French’s help to maneuver Cissy to the airport, where he spends some quality time with her without letting her know that he knows about the banquet.

Cissy is very impressed by this "fancy" airport restaurant.

Cissy is very impressed by this “fancy” airport restaurant.

They have a warm conversation, and at one point Uncle Bill offhandedly refers to her has his daughter, rather than his niece.

Cissy is so moved that she dashes off this sketch of Uncle Bill in about two minutes.

Cissy is so moved that she dashes off this sketch of Uncle Bill in about two minutes.

Watching this scene even warms the heart of Maria Cantelli, who was angry about being rebuffed for a second time.

Watching this scene warms even the cold, cold heart of Maria Cantelli, who was angry about being rebuffed for a second time.

Commentary

This is another nice Cissy-Uncle Bill episode; the part where he calls her his daughter is especially touching. Occasionally, though, Kathy Garver’s admiring-niece portrayal strays uncomfortably close to girl-with-a-crush territory.

Feel the love.

Feel the love.

Guest Cast

Patty: Elizabeth Bader. Maria Cantelli: Jacqueline Bertrand. Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Gail: Diane Mountford. This is Mountford’s second of five appearances and Lynn’s second of four as Uncle Bill’s secretary.

Fun Facts

When Cissy was 12, she wanted to be a nurse.

Continuity Notes

This episode makes specific reference to the death of the kids’ parents.

Ted Gaynor gets a mention.

Random decor note: I like Uncle Bill's sheets.

Random decor note: I like Uncle Bill’s sheets.

Notable Quotes

“If Cissy marries Freddy, will he be our brother or our uncle?” Buffy

Random twin image: Buffy and Mrs. Beasley, who are playing cowboys and Indians with Jody.

Random twin image: Buffy and Mrs. Beasley, who are playing cowboys and Indians with Jody.

Today’s Bonus Feature

TV Guide, November 16, 1968

Weird (and Wonderful) Words of Wisdom: Special Year-End Edition, Part 2

In My Opinion: The Seventeen Book of Very Important Persons, 1966
Edited by Enid Haupt

Today, we receive more wisdom from the 20th century’s cultural leaders, courtesy of Seventeen Magazine. As I told you last week, this book comprises essays from the magazine’s long-running “Talk to Teens” column. Seventeen Editor Enid Haupt edited this book. I hope you will gain some year-end inspiration–and a bit of amusement–from these quotes.

(You’ll noticed I included Joan Crawford quotes in each part of this edition. Her whole essay is a gold mine. She even starts it with a dig at one of her daughters–most likely Christina–for wanting to achieve stardom without doing all the hard work it requires.)

Next week, Weird Words of Wisdom will revert to what it does best–mocking vintage teen advice books.

Quotes from In My Opinion

Vance Packard

Vance Packard

“In my travels during the past year I have found myself talking with at least a dozen women I knew as teenage girls. Some, I must confess, have not aged very gracefully. What impresses me most is that those who were most conspicuously girls of strong-minded integrity then are the most delightfully stimulating adults today.”

Vance Packard, journalist and social critic, author of The Hidden Persuaders, a groundbreaking work about advertising

Shelley Winters

Shelley Winters

“Although I am no longer the blonde bombshell of my early career, I often find myself acting that part because I feel I won’t be accepted as an educated, intelligent woman. These feelings limit my social world considerably. The discipline of study, of developing your mind so that it wants to study and likes to and considers it fun, which I have seen in many young people, I have never acquired. These feelings of inadequacy have made me make life decisions which have proved to be terribly serious mistakes.”

Shelley Winters, Academy Award-winning actress

Artur Rubinstein

Artur Rubinstein

“American girls marry much too young. I don’t believe a girl should marry until she finds the right person, and knows it deeply. I don’t care if she doesn’t marry until she is 35.”

Artur Rubinstein, pianist

Dr. J. Roswell Gallagher

Dr. J. Roswell Gallagher

“If these are your primary concerns–amounting to something and getting high marks–if you put these first and all else subordinate to them, what may this do to your feminine feelings and attitudes and role, to your regard for what is really good and really important, and to those people who cannot achieve your sort of success?”

Dr. J Roswell Gallagher, Boston physician specializing in adolescents

Joan Crawford

Joan Crawford

“Most women look as if they dressed in the dark and made up in a closet. They needn’t, for the essence of chic is simplicity. Chic begins with cleanliness–that wonderful sense of being freshly bathed and powdered and perfumed.”

Joan Crawford, Academy Award-winning actress

Philip Roth

Philip Roth

“Novels do not pussyfoot around. They can leave you sulky, angry, fearful and desperate. They can leave you dissatisfied with the life you are living. Sometimes, upon finishing a book, you can’t help but dislike yourself–for being smug or narrow or callous or unambitious…Novels can make you skeptical and doubting–of your family, of your religion, of your country; they can reveal to you that the kind of person you happen to be or think you want to be isn’t really worth being.”

Philip Roth, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist

Rosalind Russell

Rosalind Russell

“You’ll know us (parents) by the pride in our eyes and by our outstretched arms. No, we won’t smother you. We promise. We want to stand by you, not over you. We want to talk with you, not dictate to you. We want to talk frankly, not nag you. We want to discipline you because we’re supposed to. We want your cooperation to help us be better parents. We want your respect, and most of us know we must earn that respect. We want you to forgive our mistakes or at least try to overlook them. Above all, we want to love you, and you cannot deny us this because we loved you first.”

Rosalind Russell, Tony Award-winning actress

Pete Seeger

Pete Seeger

“Travel while you are young and still are free of responsibilities. See what a big, broad, beautiful land we have here, then maybe a foreign land or two. See that there are honest, hard-working people in every corner of the globe, all quite certain that their own way of living, their local geography, their music, etc, is the most beautiful.”

Pete Seeger, folk singer

Jean Dalrymple

Jean Dalrymple

“Seventeen is a darling age…It is an age to enjoy, to savor and to appreciate, especially if you are a girl, because then you are lovely. Everything about you is fresh and springlike–your body, your mind, and your soul.”

Jean Dalrymple, playwright and theatrical producer

Rod Serling

Rod Serling

“Only the Lord knows how many adults are forced into psychoanalysis at age thirty-five because of sweeping a problem under the rug at age twelve or thirteen.”

Rod Serling, television producer

park

“Like morality, good taste recognizes the existence of other people. Good taste requires that we care about other people’s feelings sufficiently to discipline our behavior.”

Rosemary Park, president of Barnard College at the time this book was written

Eileen Farrell

Eileen Farrell

“The successful human being, as I see him, is willing, even eager, to expose himself to new experiences and ideas. He welcomes contact not only with those who agree with him, but with those who don’t–not necessarily to persuade them to his way of thinking (though that’s always a possibility) but to learn something about theirs. That’s the only way to replace prejudices that create fear–with the knowledge born of conviction that gives courage. And with courage, everything is possible!”

Eileen Farrell, concert and opera soprano

Other Weird Words of Wisdom posts you might enjoy

Attending to Our Bodily Housekeeping Edition

Betty Betz and Vintage Teen Etiquette That Rhymes Edition

Big Splendid Manhood Edition

Family Affair Friday: Episode 15, Hard Hat Jody, 1/2/1967

Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series. I’m glad the world didn’t end today because we have many more Family Affair episodes to re-discover together.

Episode 15, “Hard Hat Jody,” 1/2/1967.

Written by: Ted Sherdeman and Jane Klove. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Uncle Bill is worried because Jody seems to be living in a fantasy world–he thinks he’s an Indian.

French isn't too thrilled with Jody's fantasy life either.

French isn’t too thrilled with Jody’s fantasy life either.

Uncle Bill is also facing a long business trip to Japan, and, for once, he’s reluctant to leave the kids. He can only justify staying in New York if his firm lands “the Pennington project.” Unfortunately, Owen Pennington is an elusive eccentric whom Uncle Bill can’t seem to meet.

Uncle Bill decides that giving Jody a hard hat will help ground the boy in reality. Jody is delighted with the gift, and so is Buffy--she hopes it will keep Jody from "capturing" Mrs. Beasley during his Indian raids.

Uncle Bill decides that giving Jody a hard hat will help ground the boy in reality. Jody is delighted with the gift, and so is Buffy–she hopes it will keep Jody from “capturing” Mrs. Beasley during his Indian raids.

Switching the Indian headdress for a hard hat does Jody no good–he believes he’s a construction worker and even refuses to take his hat off at school because he’s “tearing down the building.” Playing on his own after school, Jody wanders onto a construction site and befriends “Owny”–actually Mr. Pennington. What a coincidence!

Mr. Pennington puts Jody to “work” on the construction site, but no one at home will believe Jody has a job. Uncle Bill gets so frustrated with Jody’s fantasies that he takes back the hard hat.

See if you can detect some subtle dismay on Jody's part.

See if you can detect some subtle dismay on Jody’s part.

Eventually, Jody brings his friend home.

VTS_01_4.VOB_000530372 (2)

Pennington quickly scopes out the situation and gives Davis and Gaynor his job so Uncle Bill can spend more time with Jody.

Commentary

A cute Jody episode with lots of warm Uncle Bill smiles, although again I find myself concerned about the twins’ state of mental health. Jody did seem out of touch with reality for a while. Brian Donlevy brings a strong presence to the under-developed role of Mr. Pennington.

This episode includes a steam-room scene that shows us more of Uncle Bill than we normally get to see. Thank goodness it was him and not French in the steam room.

This episode includes a steam-room scene that shows us more of Uncle Bill than we normally get to see. Thank goodness it was him and not French in the steam room.

Continuity notes

Uncle Bills cites the shock of the kids’ losing their parents as the source of Jody’s problem.

The tag scene is extra adorable. Jody imitates Uncle Bill, complete with a Brian-Keith-style face rub of consternation.

The tag scene is extra adorable. Jody imitates Uncle Bill, complete with a Brian-Keith-style face rub of consternation.

Fun facts

Ted Gaynor has no kids.

Burning question

Should a six-year-old really wander around Manhattan alone, even in 1967?

This is pretty much the mental image I get when I think about why a six-year-old shouldn't wander the streets alone.

This is pretty much the mental image I get when I think about why a six-year-old shouldn’t wander the streets alone.

Guest cast

Owen Pennington: Brian Donlevy. Foreman: William Boyett. Misawa: Dale Ishimoto. Brian Donlevy had a long film career. Just a few highlights include Beau Geste (he received a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination), The Glass Key, The Great McGinty and The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek. My fellow old-time radio fans will be familiar with his work in Dangerous Assignment. Boyett appeared in several other episodes of Family Affair.

Today’s Bonus Feature

This 1969 CBS publicity photo has a Christmas theme.

Weird (and Wonderful) Words of Wisdom: Special Year-End Edition, Part 1

in my opinionIn My Opinion: The Seventeen Book of Very Important Persons, 1966
Edited by Enid Haupt

Today, in the holiday spirit, I’m offering something a little bit different than a typical Weird Words of Wisdom post making fun of a vintage teen advice book. (Don’t worry, we’ll get back to those in the new year.)

About This Book: For many years, Seventeen Magazine featured a regular column called “Talk to Teens.” In this space, celebrities and leaders from various fields gave advice to young readers. In My Opinion is a collection of 43 such columns.

Our old friend Enid Haupt writes in her introduction, “Opening this book is rather like walking into a large party with every guest a celebrity, and all of them eager to talk just to you.”

Actually, it reads more like a series of college commencement speeches.

Many of the authors offer good advice—and, of course, a few offer weird advice. I have to wonder how 1960s teens would have received even the best advice in this book, however, considering that most featured authors came from their parents’ generation.

Many of these essays mention the generation gap, and my impression is that the gap was widening rapidly in 1966. My mother graduated from high school in 1965, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have found relevance in advice from people like Bennett Cerf, Burl Ives, Rosalind Russell, and Joan Crawford. (Actually, taking advice from Joan Crawford is probably a bad idea, no matter what your age.)

As we prepare to enter a new year, may these quotes provide inspiration (or, in some cases, amusement).

Quotes from In My Opinion

Jan Peerce

Jan Peerce

“…it’s so important to be flexible and to try to develop a number of interests, whether you use them for a cushion or a steppingstone. History books are full of people who stumbled onto the right path by sheer accident. And sometimes the best way to find your ultimate destination is simply to change your course.”

Jan Peerce, opera singer

kenneth tynan

Kenneth Tynan

“Nonsense is part of our birthright; and the more we are allowed to indulge in it—the more we are encouraged to make our own mistakes—the healthier we grow up to be.”

Kenneth Tynan, theater critic

sj perelman

S.J. Perelman

“My vocation, it may have leaked out to you, is that of a writer, which means that I sit in a hot little room stringing words together like beads at so many cents per bead. It’s shabby-genteel work and, on the whole, poorly paid, but I’m too fragile to drive a brewery truck and I’m too nervous to steal…In the poolrooms I frequent, it has often reached my ears that the chief advantage of being a writer is that it allows you to sleep late in the morning. Don’t believe it. You can enjoy the same privilege as a night counterman in a cafeteria, and, what’s more, in that job you can always bring home stale Danish pastries for the kiddies.”

S.J. Perelman, humorist

Joan Crawford

Joan Crawford

“Though a career girl must often think like a man, she must always act like a lady…A woman in business has an enormous advantage: the fact that men are courteous. They will treat you with respect, listen when you talk and give your opinions priority. This is wonderful, of course, but don’t abuse their gallantry.”

Joan Crawford, actress

chet huntley

Chet Huntley

“The American girl is aware of most of the ingredients of beauty: posture, coiffure, make-up, costume and the rest. But she frequently quite overlooks voice and diction…To be beautiful, a girl must sound so.”

Chet Huntley, newscaster

Pearl S. Buck

Pearl S. Buck

“Sometimes talent is insufficient for earning a living and yet enough to provide for happiness. It is then worth the effort of pursuit. You will enjoy art more if you pursue it without thought of money. Pursue it for pleasure, for release, for enrichment of the mind and spirit, for simple happiness.”

Pearl S. Buck, author

Next week–advice from Shelley Winters, Pete Seeger, Rosalind Russell, Philip Roth, and others!

Other Weird Words of Wisdom posts you might enjoy:

Spanking New Edition

Where the Boys Are (You’d Better Wear a Skirt) Edition

Speak Softly and  Carry a Hot Breakfast Edition

Family Affair Friday: Episode 14, Think Deep, 12/26/1966

Welcome to another installment in my weekly Family Affair series. This week’s episode is a memorable one. Before I begin, though, I wanted to point out that Kathy Garver and Johnny Whitaker, the two surviving Family Affair cast members, both celebrated a birthday yesterday. She turned 67 and he turned 53. I don’t know if they’ll ever see this blog, but if they do, I wish them all the best.

Episode 14, “Think Deep,” 12/26/1966

Written by: George Tibbles. Directed by: William D. Russell.

Synopsis

Cissy shakes up the Davis household by instituting some new theories. She wants to rotate seating in the dining room so Uncle Bill doesn’t dominate at mealtime. She cramps Buffy’s and Jody’s fantasy life by banning imaginative stories at bedtime. She tries to get French to rebel against “a condition of servitude bordering on serfdom” and insists on calling him by his first name.

giles

French doesn’t take this well.

She also takes over some of French’s duties.

kitchen

Buffy helps Cissy prepare Uncle Bill’s “favorite meal”–steaks and chops.

donuts

The result is so bad that Buffy and Jody bring doughnuts to the table as a meal substitute–and Uncle Bill doesn’t even object.

Cissy cites someone named Julian as the authority behind her new practices. Uncle Bill and French assume Julian is a new boyfriend, but they soon discover that he’s a teacher, Julian Hill.

Visiting Julian’s classroom, Uncle Bill finds a man who is meticulous bordering on OCD.

Doing some quick mental math, he realizes that 1 prissy teacher plus 2 feisty seven-year-olds might equal a crush-demolishing meltdown. He invites Julian to dinner.

Doing some quick mental math, he realizes that 1 prissy teacher plus 2 feisty seven-year-olds might equal a crush-demolishing meltdown.

Uncle Bill invites Julian to dinner, and an excited Cissy invites her friend Gail to join them.

Together, the girls bask in Julian’s dinner erudite dinner conversation.

Together, the girls bask in Julian’s dinner erudite dinner conversation.

buffy jody

All Julian’s talk just confuses Buffy and Jody. In defense of Julian, it doesn’t take much to confuse these two. Their dinner clothes are adorable, though.

After dinner, things take a nasty turn when Buffy and Jody accidentally spill coffee on Julian, who calls them “little monsters.”

monsters

Oh, no, he didn’t!

Cissy doesn't take this well.

Cissy doesn’t take this well.

Uncle Bill helps her realize that Julian is a good teacher and a normally fallible human being—not someone whose every proclamation should be law at home.

The episode closes with Cissy telling the twins a cute story about a fish who’s trying to earn his flying license. The story captivates even French.

The episode closes with Cissy telling the twins a cute story about a fish who’s trying to earn his flying license. The story captivates even French.

Commentary

It’s great to see my second-favorite TV father figure, Robert Reed, sharing screen time with my favorite, Brian Keith. Reed really throws himself into this part; his Julian Hill is affected and compulsive but doesn’t quite enter caricature territory. I also like Uncle Bill’s talk with Cissy. Instead of leaving her with the easy takeaway—“See, Julian’s really a jerk”—he guides her to a more nuanced understanding of human foibles.

Guest Cast

Julian Hill: Robert Reed. Gail: Diane Mountford. Robert Reed, who died in 1992, was best-known for his role as Mike Brady on The Brady Bunch. His non-Brady TV series included The Defenders and Mannix. He also had roles in the miniseries Roots and Rich Man, Poor Man. Mountford would appear in several more Family Affair episodes, but her character would only be called Gail in one of them.

Cissy gets to wear my favorite of her dresses in this episode. Poor Gail gets an ugly, shapeless thing.

Cissy gets to wear my favorite of her dresses in this episode. Poor Gail gets an ugly, shapeless thing.

Notable Quotes

This is going to be the greatest emotional experience of my life.” Cissy

“With your permission, sir, I should like to see how the flying fish achieves his license.” French

Today’s Bonus Feature

Screen Life, May 1969