Written by: Hannibal Coons and Charles R. Marion. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Some awkwardly expository dialog in the opening scene sets the tone for this bizarre Family Affair outing.

“Oh, Karl, I’ve had such a marvelous time these past three months,” Cissy coos to this guy we’ve never seen before.

Cissy mentions the New York night spots they’ve visited together: The Colony, the Four Seasons, the Persian Room, and 21.

We quickly learn that Karl is one of those sophisticated, European types–he tries to order an after-dinner liqueur for the two of them.

When the waiter raises an eyebrow, Cissy quickly changes her order to an ice cream parfait, while Karl complains that Cissy is being treated like a child. Cissy points out that the legal drinking age is 18. Fun fact: New York raised the minimum age to 19 in 1983 and to 21 in 1985.

Somehow the conversation shifts to Karl’s impending return to Vienna. He just can’t bear the thought of leaving Cissy, so he takes a very reasonable course of action concerning this underage girl he’s know for three months–he proposes.

“Yes!” Cissy exclaims.

Hell-to-the-no, Uncle Bill counters.

Bill is the voice of reason, bringing up Cissy’s tender age and the fact that she and Karl don’t know one another well. Strangely, he omits what I consider the strongest argument–that she should finish her education before she thinks about marriage.

Karl’s parents are no help to Bill–they assure him that teenage marriage is the done thing in Austria. Karl’s mom claims that she married at 15 and has been blissfully happy for 23 years.

So, aristocratic Austrian girls routinely married in their mid-teens in the 1940s? Okay, Frau Really-I’m-Under-40-Do-the-Math.

Bill holds firms, though, even when he later finds Cissy pouting on the terrace. He explains that while he may seen like an “an old fuddy-duddy,” marriage is a big responsibility, she’s just “in love with love,” etc.

Cissy’s not buying it.

The next day, Bill’s still feeling bad about the situation.

French doesn’t help by pointing out that marrying into one of “the oldest and wealthiest continental families” would be a dream come true for many girls.

It’s enough to send anyone running for the cigarettes.

See the penguin logo shirt Bill is wearing. I remember my dad having golf shirts like that, so of course I had to look up the history of it.

Bill still feels in his bones that this marriage is wrong for Cissy. A good Frenchism follows: “Let us trust that your bones have good judgment.”

Poor Bill can’t even escape from this weird situation at work.

Karl’s mother drops by the office with a new plan–let “Catherine” visit their family in Vienna for three weeks to see if she would like living there.

Bill’s instincts tell him this is a bad idea, and that the Viennese atmosphere will only increase Cissy’s romantic frenzy.

He agrees to think about it, though. And while he does so, Cissy is cultivating a new mature image. As everyone knows, maturity is best expressed through…

…slinky dresses…

…and an up-do of adultishness! Nice Family Affair green on those salon walls. Strange, though, how Cissy’s hair has briefly turned as red as the hairdresser’s.

Inexplicably, her approach works on Bill, who agrees to let her visit Vienna.

It also inspires French to describe her as “a marriageable young lady.” Um…ew. French insists that there’s no danger of Cissy and Karl eloping during the visit, though–such things just aren’t done “on the continent.”

The Cissy-Bill conversation here is done in a series of closeups, making it obvious that each side of the conversation was filmed at a different time. Brian Keith is probably watching a middle-aged assistant director deliver Cissy’s lines.

Hey, remember the two little kids on this show? What were their names? Tubby and Toby?

It’s a measure of this episode’s strangeness that we don’t see the twins until we’re about three-quarters of the way through, as Cissy prepares to take her updo across the pond.

The twins are sad to see her go and afraid she’ll forget what they look like.

That night, they’re so lonely that they pile in with Bill. While he looks amusingly exasperated, the twins have a cute conversation about marriage. (Jody pledges himself to the single life.)

Meanwhile…

Cue the Strauss and the stock footage! We’re going to Austria!

Karl’s parents have a nice little shack there.

They also have about a hundred middle-aged friends who have come to gawk at “Catherine.”

I do like Cissy’s evening gown in this scene.

While the young xouple begins a waltz, Karl’s parents tell everyone how they’re longing to welcome Cissy to the family.

Cissy’s nice enough, but I don’t really get where they’re coming from. Aren’t there any young women in Austria?

Soon Karl and his “liebchen” are visiting cafes and spouting dialog that’s even more nauseating than before.

“It’s like living in a fairy tale,” Cissy gushes. Karl says they can make the fairy tale come true if they marry right away.

Cissy’s game, but Bill says no over the phone. Undeterred, Karl thinks they should elope to Innsbruck.

I thought they didn’t do such things in Europe, Mr. Continental Smarty-Pants.

Cissy soon starts having second thoughts, though, for no apparent reason other than the episode’s impending end.

Suddenly, she agrees with Uncle Bill–she’s just in love with “a little girl’s idea of love.”

Auf Wiedersehen, Karl.

Back at home, Buffy and Jody are still moping about missing their sister. French, who’s making Cissy’s favorite dessert, tells them that if they close their eyes and wish for her to walk in the door, it might happen.

It’s an old Gaelic legend, according to our favorite font of questionable European knowledge.

Of course, Cissy does stroll through the front door at exactly that moment–no one in New York ever gets delayed by traffic or anything.

Everyone’s relieved that this weird interlude has come to an end–including me.

And Cissy, showing her can-do American spirit, lines up a date with the grocery delivery boy before her jet-lag even wears off.

Commentary

There are good episodes of Family Affair, and there are bad episodes of Family Affair. Fortunately, there are also so-bad-they’re-good episodes of Family Affair, like this one. The whole thing is so surreal that it should have ultimately been revealed as a dream, preferably Buffy’s dream. “A little girl’s idea of love,” indeed. It certainly doesn’t seem like anything a teenager in 1968 would fantasize about.

It’s romantic atmosphere does make it seem fitting as we approach Valentine’s Day.

Guest Cast

Waiter: Jan Arvan. Guest: Charlotte Boerner. Hairdresser: Ila Britton. Friedrick Krug: Karl Bruck. Saleswoman: Annette Cabot. Karl Krug: Mark de Vries. Johnny Archer: Hank Jones. Anna Krug: Eva Szorenyi.

The guest cast is authentically European–the actor who plays Karl’s father was actually born in Vienna.

Annette Cabot, Sebastian Cabot’s daughter, made her second of five appearances in this episode.

Teleplay by: Peggy Chantler Dick. Story by: Douglas and Peggy Dick. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look in on the third season of Family Affair, French is bringing everyone “to-mah-to” juice, and Cissy is looking like the cat who at the canary.

On second thought, she’s looking more like the canary.

She’s just gotten her hair styled at the beauty parlor. Seeing Cissy’s results inexplicably inspires Buffy’s desire to go to the beauty parlor, too. When Bill says she’s too young, she asks why Jody gets to visit the barber by himself.

Bill tells her she won’t like the answer. I’m pretty sure I won’t like it either.

Yep, it’s because she’s a girl. Bill admits it’s not fair, but he sticks to his decision.(Someone must cut Buffy’s hair, though. I guess that’s another job French gets stuck with.)

The next day at school, Buffy is still pining for greater independence when she meets Lana. a new girl in class. We quickly find out that Lana comes from a different social sphere than the Davis kids.

She has a single mother who used to be a maid and now works as a manicurist. She also wears a key around her neck, to let herself in her apartment after school.

(As an aside, Buffy’s sandwich is meat on whole wheat. Ew. At least it’s better than meat on white, I guess.)

The key fascinates Buffy, who sees it as a shiny symbol of freedom. She even gets Lana’s permission to wear it for the rest of the day.

That night, Buffy asks Bill if she can have a key to the Davis apartment. When he says she’s too young, she complains about being treated like a baby at age 7. (Wow these kids are aging slowly.)

She again asks why Jody gets more freedom; apparently, he gets to stay at the playground by himself after school while Buffy goes home with French.  Bill says little girls need more protection.

Sure, Uncle Bill. Bad things never happen to little boys who wander around the city alone.

Buffy also wants to change her name. Lana has started calling her Ava, an alternate name Lana’s movie-fan mother considered for Lana. (Note to the IMDb: Ava is NOT Buffy’s real name.)

The next day, Buffy and Lana are walking out of school together when French arrives to pick Buffy up.

In an amusing exchange, Lana wonders why French dresses so funny, and Buffy explains that he’s English.

Lana’s slum is on the way the home, so French invites her to walk with them.

Lana’s empty apartment horrifies French.

At least it’s clean–and the Family Affair green paint is reassuring.

Buffy congratulates Lana for having “her own TV,” which is weird since it’s in the living room. Maybe she’s just trying to be polite. Lana wants Buffy to come over after school the next day, and French says he’ll ask Mr. Davis.

At home, of course, French is all hell-to-the-no.

She has little supervision and is “hardly a suitable companion for a young gentlewoman,” he says, going so far as to call Lana “a street urchin.” Now, I don’t like French’s snobbery, but I wouldn’t let my 7-year-old go over to her house without at least getting to know her mother and making sure a responsible adult would be present at all times.

Bill, though, says sure. I guess little girls don’t need that much protection.

French and Jody drop the girls off in Lana’s mom-less apartment the next afternoon.

Lana’s mother does make a brief appearance, stopping at home after work to dress for a date.

Note that she’s clutching a movie magazine. Okay, okay, we get it–she’s working class!

The girls have to shop for and prepare their own dinner.

They choose frozen pizza and soda, which seems pretty realistic.

They play dress up in Lana’s mom’s shoes, and Lana does “Ava’s” hair.

The resulting hair-do is the visual highlight of this episode. Buffy looks like she wandered away from the Grand Ol3 Opry.

When Bill comes to retrieve Buffy, he finally groks to the fact that Lana is home alone. When she asks if she can have a sleepover with Buffy the next night, he agrees.

The Davis apartment amazes Lana, of course.

She’s also taken aback by the many rule French lays down: Homework before fun, playing instead of watching the afternoon movie, no running in the house.

At bed time, she allows Bill to tuck her in, pretending that it’s another house rule, when it’s clear that she just wants the adult attention.

When Buffy takes Lana home the next day, Lana breaks down.

Laying it right out there, Buffy asks if she is crying because she lives where she does instead where Buffy lives.

Lana says it’s not that–it’s because Buffy has so many people to “boss her around.” Lana’s all-too-aware that freedom can spring from a lack of caring. Buffy tells her that when she feels like being bossed around, she should call on the Davises.

Soon, Lana is doing just that. For example, she phones French to see if she can watch a horror movie on TV. His reply: “Certainly not!”

And Buffy’s learned to accept her family’s rules without chafing, so I guess all’s well that ends well. Somehow,  I still feel sad, though.

Commentary

I thought the “latch-key” phenomenon dated from the 1970s, but the term originated during World War II. I personally loved having a key and letting myself in at home, but it didn’t happen until I was about 10, and I wasn’t left alone for hours. I’m of two minds about whether the Davis family should have done more to improve Lana’s sad situation. On the one hand, a scene with Bill talking to Lana’s mother about the problem might have been hard to take. Bill keeps himself busy with work and dating, so the only real difference between him and Lana’s mom is the ability to pay for high quality child care. On the other hand, Lana seems to be suffering from some pretty serious neglect. I’ll be interested in hearing what other Family Affair fans think.

Inconsistency Alert

The gender-based treatment of Buffy and Jody is a new thing. In the past, the twins’ level of freedom has varied dramatically from episode to episode, but it has always applied equally to both kids.

Guest Cast

Lana’s Mother: Eve Brent. Lana: Susan Benjamin Neher.

Susan Benjamin Neher

Neher appeared previously on Family Affair under the name Susan Benjamin. From 1969 to 1971, she had a regular role in another Don Fedderson single-dad series, To Rome with Love. A commenter directed me to this segment of the pilot that’s available on Youtube–check it out!

I hope all the Family Affair fans out there had a great holiday. As we end the year, we’ve also reached the end of the Season 2–whew! I feel like I’ve been recapping this season since 1968. Although this isn’t a holiday episode, it has a warm family feeling that seems appropriate at this time of year.

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look in on Uncle Bill, he’s packing to return home after a trip to Nigeria. After a brief time in New York, he’ll be heading off to either India or Iran. (He pronounces the latter country eye-ran, with the emphasis on the first syllable.)

He pauses to look at the kids’ portrait that he has kept near him on his two-month trip.

Yikes, two months? Don’t you wonder how much he pays French to provide 24/7 childcare for months at a time?

Bill’s co-worker reminds him to take along “Toothy”–an absolutely horrifying souvenir for the kids.

French takes the arrival of Toothy better than I would.

He jokes that he once had a headmaster with “the same insincere smile.” Love those Frenchisms!

Meanwhile, Bill catches up on all he’s missed in two months.

He tells a puzzled Cissy that she looks different. Eventually, he figures out that her hair is different than it looks in the portrait he’s been carrying.

Duh, Uncle Bill. That photo is from early Season 1.

Bill also learns that the twins have gone through mumps, they’ve spent a weekend in the Berkshires with French, and Jody’s friend Pete has moved away. (Hmm–is this Peter, Miss Faversham’s charge?)

Also, Buffy’s front teeth have finally come in.

Bill seems unhappy about missing so much time with the kids.

The next day, as he sends an associate off to Brazil, he announces his decision to stop traveling.

His colleague isn’t especially supportive, asking “You, a full-time father?”

The kids are happy to hear Bill’s news, though.

Buffy and Jody start preparing a list of things they want Bill to do with them. Buffy wants to visit the Statue of Liberty. (Fun fact: Mrs. Beasley is very patriotic.) Jody wants to visit a big swamp in “someplace called New Jersey.” They both want to ride the subway all day.

Only one person is underwhelmed by Bill’s news.

French is especially put out when Bill takes over one of his rituals–reading Winnie the Pooh to the twins.

This is a really cute scene, French’s discomfort notwithstanding.

In our next scene, we meet Bill’s girlfriend-of-the-week.

Unlike some of the bimbos he brings home, Eileen is great with kids.

When Jody can’t shake hands because he has a splinter in his finger, Eileen takes it out.

Oddly, you get the feeling that if Eileen hadn’t come along, no one would have bothered to take it out.

She also chides Uncle Bill for not taking the “underprivileged” kids to a drive-in movie, and she suggests that they all plan a picnic together.

She even gives Buffy fashion advice, convincing her that her dress would have a better line if its belt was removed.

Speaking of fashion, Cissy’s orange shift is really cute from the back, with a deep cut-out V.

I have to apologize now–due to a glitch with this DVD, I was not able to get screen captures for the rest of the episode. This is the same file location on the disc that gave me problems with Episode 27. Hopefully, as we move on to a new disc next week, this issue won’t come up again.

Soon, we see that Bill is taking his role as a hands-on parent seriously. He’s taking the twins to school, joining a PTA committee, and urging Cissy to consult him when she makes decisions, even though the decision she made on her own–buying a typewriter with her allowance–is perfectly sensible.

Bill tells French to take it easy while the family is on its picnic with Eileen. French pouts that he’s had too much free time recently. When Bills says he’s just trying to give the kids “the kind of life an ordinary family has,” French wonders if there is a place for him in a ordinary family. (I know one ordinary family that could definitely use him–he could start in the bathroom that I’m due to clean after I finish this recap.)

On the picnic, Jody argues with an obnoxious kid who doesn’t believe his uncle was a globe-trotting bridge-builder. Bill tells the boy that he used to do that kind of work, but now he works in an office. Eileen notices that Bill seems unhappy with his current role and tells him that he should stop trying to be the ideal father. “There’s no such animal,” she says, pointing out that the ideal father for Johnny Smith isn’t the ideal father for Jody Davis.

Bill takes her words to heart. When he returns home and learns that his colleague is having trouble in Brazil, he’s ready to hop on the next plane. He tells the kids that he’ll miss them, but he’ll be happy doing the work he does best. The kids say they’ll be fine as long as they have French. We close the episode with French back in his natural role as Winnie-the-Pooh narrator.

Commentary

Though Family Affair is thought of as a traditional comedy, episodes like this have a progressive message about they many different family structures that can work for kids.

Guest Cast

Eileen Moran: Pippa Scott. Tyler: Ed Deemer. Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Ward Halsey: John Milford. Boy: Eddie Rosson.

Pippa Scott had roles in a few 1950s movies, including The Searchers and Auntie Mame, but her career mostly revolved around appearances on TV and the New York stage.

Written by: Joseph Hoffman. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look in on the Davis family this week, Buffy is telling Mrs. Beasley the story of Little Red Riding-Hood.

It’s an unsanitized version that ends with the wolf devouring the girl. That sets the tone for this episode, in which Buffy and Jody show an affinity for gore and drama.

After the story, the twins argue over Mrs. Beasley’s next move. Jody, apparently still under the influence of last week’s adventure, wants to tell the doll a story about cowboys and Indians. Buffy says Mrs. Beasley is tired and needs to go to bed.

(I always thought Mrs.. Beasley was supposed to represent an older lady, but Buffy treats her like a baby in this scene. Maybe the doll is senile.)

The argument turns into a tug-of-war with a startling conclusion.

Nooooooooo!

Jody runs off to the kitchen to fetch French, who is relieved that the crisis is only a doll injury.

French shows some nice sensitivity, as he make Mrs. Beasley a tourniquet from his handkerchief to prevent her from going into “shock.”

(In this scene, Jody sneezes and French says “Bless you.” It looks unscripted, but I’m not sure.)

Buffy asks French if he can fix the doll, and he admits that he doesn’t know how. Looking at the Mrs. Beasley I own, I’m pretty sure a needle and thread would suffice for this repair. Buffy’s doll has a weird wire sticking out of the arm hole, though. They probably placed it there to make a simple repair look impossible.

French suggests that the kids eat their lunch, but they object.

“How could we eat when Mrs. Beasley’s lying here without her arm?” Jody asks.

French decides that the situation warrants a call to Uncle Bill, although he’s in an important meeting.

The “East Indian gentlemen” in Bill’s office get the impression that something is seriously wrong at home.

It’s not that serious, Bill reassures them after hanging up: The kids just pulled Mrs. Beasley’s arm off.

Cue shocked expressions.

Informing them that Mrs. Beasley is a doll, Bill cancels his lunch plans with the gentlemen so he can hurry home to Buffy.

On his way out, he feels compelled to offer a brief summary of Mrs. Beasley’s importance–death, separation, only friend in the world, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The businessmen still look baffled.

At home, the kids have created a sickroom atmosphere around Mrs. Beasley.

In one of the twins’ “stupid moments,” Buffy takes the doll’s temperature and tells Bill that the thermometer reads, “She’s sick.” I’m pretty sure second graders know that thermometers give numerical readings.

Stymied by the situation, French and Bill both leap at ridiculous solutions. French proposes replacing the doll, while Bill wants to call a child psychiatrist.

Luckily, Cissy arrives home and injects some sense into the proceedings. She informs the men that doll hospitals exist to repair broken dolls.

So it’s a school day, but the twins are at home and Cissy arrives there by lunch time. Those wacky New York City public schools.

Bill tells a reluctant French to accompany the kids to the doll hospital. It seems strange that, after all the assaults on his dignity since the kids arrived, going to a doll hospital puts French over the edge. Bill urges him to man up, and French finally agrees: “I will swallow my pride and walk through the dolls’ hospital emergency entrance as if it were perfectly natural for an adult Englishman.”

The “doctor” at the facility assures them that it will be a simple operation, taking about 20 minutes.

In response to a question from Jody, he also assures them that Mrs. Beasley won’t “bleed a lot.”

French calls Bill to inform him that the doll has entered surgery.

His East Indian associates have an “only in America” moment when they learn that doll hospitals exist.

(Doll hospitals aren’t an American innovation, though. This one in Portugal, for example, dates back to 1830.)

Back at the hospital, the minutes drag on as the family waits for word about Mrs. Beasley. At one point, the “nurse” emerges from the operating room and says there has been a slight complication with the “cotter pin.” French tells Jody that the cotter pin must be something like a bone graft. When Jody asks if French has a cotter pin, French replies with a droll, “I think not.”

Another customer enters to drop off his daughter’s doll for repair. See, French–real men can visit doll hospitals.

This guy turns out to be a real ass, though. When he learns that the Davis family is waiting through a surgical procedure, he launches into a series of jokes: Are you a relative of the patient? Did you fly in a surgeon from Vienna? What’s your medical plan?

An outraged French tells the man that he’s forming a plan to use his “furled umbrella” on him.

He tells the man that the whole family is concerned, and it’s not the time or place for levity, before dismissing him with a hearty, “Good day, sir!”

Go, French! In a sweet moment, Buffy shows her appreciation by giving him a quick kiss.

Finally, Mrs. Beasley emerges after a successful surgery. Back at home, the kids play hospital with her. This being the ’60s, Jody is the doctor and Buffy is the nurse, of course.

Bill brings home flowers for the patient, although the kids prefer the chocolates Cissy provided.

In fact, the kids use Mrs. Beasley’s “cuperation” to scam for treats throughout the evening. They get Cissy to bring them strawberry pop and French to provide ice cream. They even try to convince him that Mrs. Beasley needs chocolate chip cookies and brownies for her dinner.

Bill tells them that modern doctors like to see patients back on their feet soon after surgery. The kids still insist that Mrs. Beasley still needs special treatment.

Now, Bill and French could handle this situation by letting Buffy play this game until they tire of it–not even a whole day has passed since the accident, after all! They could also refuse to provide any more treats. But Bill decides the situation calls for a technique his father invented–the “lollipop method.” It seems that when Bill’s father took his younger brother’s ratty security blanket away, he gave him a football to sleep with instead. The idea, Bill says, is that you never take something away from a kid without giving them something in return, even if it’s just a lollipop.

And people say today’s parents are indulgent!

Bill announces to the twins that he would like to take them to an amusement park the next day. He can’t, though, since Mrs. Beasley is so sick.

Of course, the kids quickly respond that the doll is just fine and totally up for an amusement park visit.

Taking a beloved doll to amusement park? I think the Davises might become regular doll hospital customers.

Commentary

I always love a Mrs. Beasley episode, and this one is enjoyable through the doll hospital scene. The rest of it is rather anticlimactic and silly. French’s lines, as usual, mark the episode’s high points. I always wonder if someone on the production staff specialized in creating those because they’re consistently delicious, no matter who’s writing the episode.

Buffy seems less horrified than one would expect immediately after the accident. I suppose we could fall back on the explanation that she shuts down emotionally at times of crisis.

At the very least, this episode expands our vocabulary about mechanical engineering devices–we hear about cotter pins and (in Bill’s work conversation) about trunnion pins.

Guest Cast

Foster: Ivan Bonar. East Indian: Naji Gabbay. Mr. Green: Tim Graham. Mrs. Green: Natalie Masters. East Indian: Aly Wassil.

Gabbay and Wassil are Family Affair veterans. Bonar had a long stint on General Hospital in the 1960s and ’70s, playing a character called Chase Murdock. Masters popped up on Dragnet and Adam-12 occasionally, while Green made the rounds of TV westerns.

Written by: Lois Hire. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Note: I’m having some technical difficulties this week, and haven’t been able to get screen captures from the first act of this episode. If I resolve the problem, I’ll add those images later. Luckily, the really memorable images from this episode occur toward the end.

Also, speaking of technical difficulties, has anyone been having trouble reading recent entries of this blog on Firefox? A commenter mentioned a problem, but everything looks okay on my end. I’d appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences, so I can figure out what’s going on.

Synopsis

As our episode begins, Mr. French is preparing to take a two-week tour of scenes from America’s old West. That seems like an unlikely itinerary for French, but it turns out his father was a Western buff. (Also, old West scenery was readily available to 1960s TV producers.)

Jody warns French about the possibility of Indians attacking his stagecoach, although French is actually traveling “by jet, train, omnibus, and hired motorcar.” French himself is more worried about how the Davis family will survive without him–and, frankly, I think he has good reason. Bill assures him that everything will be fine, and Buffy gives him some good parting advice: “Be nice to the Indians, and they’ll be nice to you.”

Now, I wish I could give you a glimpse of the following scene because it includes an image we won’t be seeing again–Bill pushing a vacuum. His domestic duties don’t last long; soon he gets word that a bridge in South America needs his attention. Oh, darn–I’ll bet he’d really been looking forward to two weeks of cooking, cleaning, and child care.

The kids don’t want to ruin French’s vacation, so they suggest that they stay with friends in the building. Cissy and Buffy will stay with Gail, and Jody with stay with Richard. Hmm, did Gail move into the Davis building, or are the writers mixing her up with Sharon again? And who the heck is Richard?

Next, we see Jody waking up in Richard’s Family-Affair-green bedroom, and receiving a shock: Richard’s face is swollen. (We also receive a shock: Richard’s face has appeared in several previous episodes on Jody’s friend Peter.)

“Richard” has the mumps, so Jody can’t stay with him any longer.

Still not wanting to ruin French’s vacation, Cissy and Jody hatch a plan–Jody will join French on vacation. Bill’s hapless secretary, Miss Lee, gets the fun of making those arrangements.

(Even Cissy is confused about “Richard’s” identity. During her phone call with Miss Lee, she refers to him as Peter.)

French, who’s been enjoying his vacation in his typically over-scheduled, overdressed way, takes the news of Jody’s impending arrival pretty well.

He soon realizes that he’ll have to adjust his itinerary–plans to spend a day touring two museums and library leave Jody surprisingly underwhelmed. He perks up when French suggests touring a ghost town instead.

Random fashion note: Jody’s vacation-wear is rather mod.

At the ghost town, French does an admirable job entering into Jody’s imaginative play.

Jody pretends to be a stagecoach driver who is anticipating an Indian attack.

Which leads us to this only-on-TV moment:

Ugh–no pun intended.

These guys are extras from a movie shooting nearby, and they’ve ridden over to the ghost town to eat their lunch.

— They compare notes on boxed lunches with Jody and French. Both actors and tourists, we learn, eat tuna on white bread.

Then, they invite French and Jody to visit their movie set. French tries to decline because he’s still hoping to get a museum visit in.

Now, I like museums, but I’d probably look like Jody does here if I missed a chance to tour a movie set.

Fortunately, French comes to his senses and makes another change to his itinerary.

Meanwhile, Gail is booting Buffy and Cissy out of her apartment.

What do you know? It really is Gail.

Gail’s father hasn’t had mumps, and since Jody’s been exposed to the disease, and Cissy’s been exposed to Jody, he doesn’t think it’s safe for the girls to stay. Is it really that contagious? And, if it is, isn’t Jody exposing everyone he meets–including, in an unfortunate historic parallel, the Indians?

Soon, Cissy and Buffy are on an airplane, and French is lamenting his new status as “a nanny of the old West.”

Around this point, I’m starting to wonder whether “not wanting to ruin Mr. French’s vacation” is code for “getting a long break from school when we’re not even sick.”

When they arrive at the airport, Cissy has a new beau and Buffy has an undisguised lack of interest in touring burial mounds.

Cissy convinces French that visiting a “swinging discotheque” recommended by local-boy Randy would be much more fun.

A discotheque in the daytime? Actually, it’s more like a diner with a dance floor.

The kids have a good time, though.

Check out Buffy and Jody, dancing in their seats.

When Cissy and Randy stop dancing, French suggests going to get something to eat. The teens patiently explain to him that they are sitting in a restaurant.

French acts horrified at the thought of eating a hamburger and French fries.

This guy regularly serves the kids sloppy joes, so he really has no reason to act high and mighty.

At last, he gives in, tears up his schedule, and orders a hamburger with everything.

When he starts dancing, he out-cutes even the twins.

When French and kids return to New York, Bill listens to their tales of ghost towns, discotheques, and doll shows. Alone with French, he sympathizes with him about his ruined vacation. French says that his solo touring had a actually been rather dreary, and the kids turned his vacation into “a ball.” (He quotes Cissy on that expression, as if “having a ball” were cutting-edge teenage jargon in 1968.)

Commentary

This is another good French episode, and it really shows that the kids have added a dimension to his life. Visually, the highlight is the discotheque scene–Buffy and Jody are adorable, but when French tears up his itinerary and starts bouncing around himself, it is a Family Affair moment to remember.

Guest Cast

Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Jim Tallfeather: Dennis Cross. Richard: Randy Whipple. Randy: Danny Llorens. Hostess: Adele Claire. Gail: Diane Mountford.

The on-screen credits are a big mess, listing Miss Lee as Miss Carter, Gail as Sharon, and Richard as Peter. Of course, Randy Whipple does normally play Peter, and this episode’s script refers to the character by that name once. I’m calling him Richard this week, though, since that’s what the script calls him most often.

Dennis Cross

The Western set must have felt like home to Dennis Cross; he made many appearances on shows like Gunsmoke, Rawhide, and The Rifleman. His son Randy Cross is a former NFL player who is now a radio and TV sports commentator.