Written by: Hannibal Coons and Charles R. Marion. Directed by: Charles Barton.
Some awkwardly expository dialog in the opening scene sets the tone for this bizarre Family Affair outing.
Cissy mentions the New York night spots they’ve visited together: The Colony, the Four Seasons, the Persian Room, and 21.
When the waiter raises an eyebrow, Cissy quickly changes her order to an ice cream parfait, while Karl complains that Cissy is being treated like a child. Cissy points out that the legal drinking age is 18. Fun fact: New York raised the minimum age to 19 in 1983 and to 21 in 1985.
Somehow the conversation shifts to Karl’s impending return to Vienna. He just can’t bear the thought of leaving Cissy, so he takes a very reasonable course of action concerning this underage girl he’s know for three months–he proposes.
Bill is the voice of reason, bringing up Cissy’s tender age and the fact that she and Karl don’t know one another well. Strangely, he omits what I consider the strongest argument–that she should finish her education before she thinks about marriage.
So, aristocratic Austrian girls routinely married in their mid-teens in the 1940s? Okay, Frau Really-I’m-Under-40-Do-the-Math.
Bill holds firms, though, even when he later finds Cissy pouting on the terrace. He explains that while he may seen like an “an old fuddy-duddy,” marriage is a big responsibility, she’s just “in love with love,” etc.
The next day, Bill’s still feeling bad about the situation.
It’s enough to send anyone running for the cigarettes.
Bill still feels in his bones that this marriage is wrong for Cissy. A good Frenchism follows: “Let us trust that your bones have good judgment.”
Karl’s mother drops by the office with a new plan–let “Catherine” visit their family in Vienna for three weeks to see if she would like living there.
He agrees to think about it, though. And while he does so, Cissy is cultivating a new mature image. As everyone knows, maturity is best expressed through…
It also inspires French to describe her as “a marriageable young lady.” Um…ew. French insists that there’s no danger of Cissy and Karl eloping during the visit, though–such things just aren’t done “on the continent.”
Hey, remember the two little kids on this show? What were their names? Tubby and Toby?
The twins are sad to see her go and afraid she’ll forget what they look like.
They also have about a hundred middle-aged friends who have come to gawk at “Catherine.”
While the young xouple begins a waltz, Karl’s parents tell everyone how they’re longing to welcome Cissy to the family.
Soon Karl and his “liebchen” are visiting cafes and spouting dialog that’s even more nauseating than before.
Cissy’s game, but Bill says no over the phone. Undeterred, Karl thinks they should elope to Innsbruck.
Cissy soon starts having second thoughts, though, for no apparent reason other than the episode’s impending end.
Auf Wiedersehen, Karl.
Back at home, Buffy and Jody are still moping about missing their sister. French, who’s making Cissy’s favorite dessert, tells them that if they close their eyes and wish for her to walk in the door, it might happen.
Of course, Cissy does stroll through the front door at exactly that moment–no one in New York ever gets delayed by traffic or anything.
And Cissy, showing her can-do American spirit, lines up a date with the grocery delivery boy before her jet-lag even wears off.
There are good episodes of Family Affair, and there are bad episodes of Family Affair. Fortunately, there are also so-bad-they’re-good episodes of Family Affair, like this one. The whole thing is so surreal that it should have ultimately been revealed as a dream, preferably Buffy’s dream. “A little girl’s idea of love,” indeed. It certainly doesn’t seem like anything a teenager in 1968 would fantasize about.
It’s romantic atmosphere does make it seem fitting as we approach Valentine’s Day.
Waiter: Jan Arvan. Guest: Charlotte Boerner. Hairdresser: Ila Britton. Friedrick Krug: Karl Bruck. Saleswoman: Annette Cabot. Karl Krug: Mark de Vries. Johnny Archer: Hank Jones. Anna Krug: Eva Szorenyi.
The guest cast is authentically European–the actor who plays Karl’s father was actually born in Vienna.
Annette Cabot, Sebastian Cabot’s daughter, made her second of five appearances in this episode.