Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Happy holidays, everyone! This week we come to the end of Family Affair‘s classic three-parter, “Lost in Spain.” It’s not a Christmas episode, but its climactic scenes would have been perfect for one.

We begin with about four minutes of backtracking to remind us where we left off.

As you will recall, it was sorrow in the straw for Buffy and Jody.

They are starting to wonder if Bill will ever find them.

In the morning, they emerge from their hiding place and peer out the barn door for signs of life.

They watch the farmer’s wife as she deposits a bowl of vegetables on a table and returns into the house.

Starving, they run over, grab some food, and haul butt back to the barn before the woman returns.

Buffy and Jody feel bad about swiping food, but they figure that Uncle Bill can give the farmer some money later.

Their hunger has given them a new appreciation for vegetables, even raw string beans.

When the farmer enters the barn, they duck behind the haystack again.

He finds a carrot on the ground and gives one of those exaggerated TV shrugs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Davis clan is standing vigil at the Sitges police station, much to the annoyance of the Sitges police.

A frustrated Bill can’t even get in to see the captain.

The desk sergeant says they are working on many other equally important cases.

“Dammit, Jim, we’re policemen, not miracle-workers!” he says. (More or less.)

The Civil Guard is making he thorough farm-to-farm search for the kids, he adds.

He’s right about that. In fact, they are just pulling up to the Vega farm now.

Buffy and Jody have been contemplating leaving the farm to search the woods for berries like Hansel and Gretel. Hearing the approaching hoofbeats, they peek outside.

Buffy and Jody may not be the sharpest tools in this shed, but they seem to sense that Generalissimo Franco’s Guardia Civil is not an entirely benign force.

Maybe what tips them off is the creepy bullfighting music that accompanies the guards’ approach. In any case, they decide to stay hidden.

The guards show the Vegas a picture of the kids and ask if they’ve seen them.

After the guards leave, the Vegas are shaken by the encounter.

Methinks the Guardia Civil have a bit of a PR problem with the local farm-dwellers.

Carlos reassures his wife that everything is fine–after all, they answered honestly when they denied seeing the children.

Things are about to get more complicated for the Vegas, though.

This is the disturbing sight that confronts Carlos when he goes back into the barn.

Carlos quickly hauls the kids out of the hay.

After that, he isn’t sure what to do with them.

Later the kids eat while the adults look on in concern.

Buffy and Jody sense that their presence makes the Vegas uncomfortable.

Understandably, however, they are most just happy to be eating.

When Jody asks what kind of soup Mrs. Vega gave them, Buffy replies that it’s good soup.

Meanwhile, the Vegas are whispering about what to do.

Carlos has an idea–he wants to send the kids packing.

His wife is more soft-hearted.

Showing that his gruffness is only skin-deep, Carlos gives in and allows his wife to bring the kids back.

Back in Sitges, everyone is still sitting around the police station.

They are surprised when Ricardo enters with a distinguished-looking gentleman.

They are even more surprised when Ricardo tells them the man is his father, Francisco Torres y Fiero, Spain’s soon-to-be special envoy to the United States.

Ricardo confesses that he lied about his identity because he will be moving with his father to the U.S. soon and wanted to get to know some Americans without them knowing his father is a person of importance.

As secrets go, it’s pretty tame–and convenient–so Cissy and Bill don’t hold a grudge.

Senor Torres y Fiero pledges to help find the twins, and he is influential enough to get Col. Klink off his butt.

Soon, Bill is meeting with an apologetic captain.

The captain fills Bill in on the search and says that civil guard will soon begin re-checking some areas.

Apparently, that includes the Vega farm, where Buffy has been put to work.

Soon hoofbeats and creepy music interrupt the household chores.

The Vegas send the kids back to their hiding place.

After getting rid of the civil guard again, they ponder their next move.

In Sitges, a quiet moment finds French remarking that most employers would have fired him by now.

Bill reassures him that the kids could have as easily disappeared under his watch, or Cissy’s.

Ana tries to get Bill to eat some fish and chips.

The Spanish have a saying, she tells him: “Sorrows are easier with bread.”

That seems a little glib under the circumstances, but she soon redeems herself by having an amazing brainstorm.

What if, instead of sitting around the police station, they actually went out looking for the children?

This being a sitcom, Uncle Bill is clearly thinking, “It’s kind of crazy, but it just might work.”

As Anna and Bill take off to re-trace the bus route, night is falling and the Vegas are realizing that Buffy and Jody have to go.

Maria thinks they can trust the local priest, but Carlos won’t trust anyone.

Thinking of the priest does give Carlos an idea, though.

Each carrying a twin, they head off into the night.

They deposit the still-sleeping kids on pews at the church.

Fortunately, Bill and Ana soon arrive at that church.

When they come upon the sacristan, Ana asks him if he’s seen the kids.

I like the authentically Catholic touches in these scenes, such as the way the Vegas genuflect when entering and leaving the church and the way Ana covers her head before entering it.

The sacristan hasn’t seen the twins, so a dejected Bill and Ana turn to leave.

Fortunately, Bill glances to his right and sees the children’s sleeping forms.

When they awaken, the kids are thrilled to see their uncle.

It’s a Christmas miracle! Or at least a February sweeps miracle!

The kids say they knew that Uncle Bill would find them.

Jody does wonder why it took so long, though.

You can tell the kids have had a rough time because Buffy’s pigtails are mussed. I wonder how long she would have to be lost before she actually took the barrettes out.

Anna Novarro shows some nice emotion in this reunion scene. It almost makes me wish Ana could join the Davis family permanently.

It’s not to be, however–when we next see the Davis family, they are back in New York, and French is fielding calls from Bill’s female admirers.

“A little Miss Atwater in my life, a little Miss Ellis by my side…”

The kids are back in school, telling their teacher and peers what they learned in Spain. Jody learned what is probably the best lesson–not to get on a bus ahead of Mr. French. The kids also learned that while people in other countries may talk differently, they are not that different deep down.

And that’s a nice message to carry us through the holiday season.

French’s horizons have been broadened, too–the dinner he has prepared for the family includes churros.

See you in 2015!

Commentary

From a kid’s perspective, this three-parter was gripping and memorable. Getting lost and having to get by on your own is both a terrifying and rather exciting idea when you’re young. It’s appropriate that Buffy and Jody talk about Hansel and Gretel because this story taps into some of the same primal emotions as fairy tales.

Watching now, I do find the adults’ reactions to the situation a bit flat. Separation and loss have always been big issues on this show, so I would expect to see Bill and Cissy looking more frantic. From the director’s perspective, I’m sure it was preferable to confine everyone to a single set as much as possible, but such inaction doesn’t ring true from a man like Bill. (Contrast it, for example, with Mike and Carol Brady searching the Grand Canyon for their missing offspring: “Bobby! Cindy!”)

Too much restraint is better than over-acting, though, and I doubt the adults’ reactions detracted from the suspense young audience members felt watching these episodes or that satisfaction they took in the final reunion.

Continuity Notes

The twins mention their teacher, Miss Cummings.

Guest Cast

Francisco Torres y Fiero: George J. Lewis. Ana Vicente Casona: Anna Navarro. Carlos Vega: Nacho Galindo. Tio Dichoso: Jay Novello. Maria Vega: Rosa Turich. Lt. Playa: Valentin de Vargas. Sacristan: Julian Rivero. Ricardo: Johnny Aladdin. Captain: Tom Hernandez. Sergeant: Jose Haas.

Valentin de Vargas, who died last year, had roles in some well known movies, including Touch of Evil, Hatari, and The Magnificent Seven.

George J. Lewis’ most memorable role was probably his appearance as Don Alejandro in Walt Disney’s Zorro series. His work in films as a bit player, often uncredited, was prodigious–in 1944 alone, he appeared in approximately 20 films.

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We start this episode with a brief review of previous events, which culminate with Buffy and Jody alone on a bus in Spain.

Yikes.

Mr. French is desperately trying to explain the situation to a woman at the bus station, but the language barrier interferes.

He’s relieved to see a familiar face, Tio Dichoso, but he realizes once again that Tio Dichoso’s grasp of English is quite limited.

Sensing French’s alarm, Dichoso hurries off to find an English-speaking friend.

Meanwhile, when the bus stops to admit a passenger, Buffy and Jody try to get assistance from the driver.

He can’t speak their language, but his irritation comes through loud and clear.

The dejected twins return to their seat.

This shot features some nice shaky camera work, which conveys both the motion of the bus and helplessness the kids feel.

Blissfully unaware of all that is happening, Bill is enjoying a Sunday afternoon with his Spanish senorita, Ana.

She’s taken him to her favorite place in Barcelona, a market area where gypsies recite sappy love poetry.

Bill’s Spanish comprehension is impressive–he can correctly translate such words as “murmur” and “flame.”

He says the poem–which ends with, “Love is a tear”–is very said.

Laughing, Ana replies that it’s “very Spanish.”

Cissy’s also off having fun with a new love interest.

She’s excited to see that this youth hangout is just like ones at home.

Ricardo sees some friends but declines to join them, even though Cissy says talking with his friends would help her improve her Spanish.

Of course, talking with his friends would also probably reveal the secret Ricardo has been keeping.

When the twins’ bus reaches Sitges, they disembark.

The driver demands their tickets and can’t understand their explanation that Mr. French has them.

Instead of showing any concern for these kids, who are alone and clearly out of place, the angry driver stalks off.

Back in the marketplace, Bill is buying flowers for the “senorita hermosa.”

The flower seller wishes him good luck. When Ana translates the sentiment, Bill says he understood it.

Come on, Ana, he knows “murmur” and “flame”–don’t patronize him!

In the cafe, Ricardo is introducing Cissy to churros, which she soon realizes are similar to doughnuts.

Ricardo says dunking them is mandatory–“a king set the fashion.”

I’ve read several articles on the history of churros and haven’t come upon a reference to this. Can anyone shed any light?

Meanwhile, Buffy and Jody see a nun with a friendly face and hope that she can help them.

She’s apparently supervising a school trip, and Buffy and Jody get swept up with the other children. Soon they are on another bus.

Realizing that the nun doesn’t speak English, Buffy says they’d better get off the before it takes them someplace else.

“It looks like we’re already someplace else,” Jody sighs.

When they try to get off, the uncomprehending bus driver orders them to their seats.

Back in San Juan, French is relieved when Tio Dichoso’s bilingual friend arrives.

The interpreter calls the Sitges station and learns the twins’ bus is there.

The driver remembers the kids, but when he and the station manager look for them, they come up empty-handed.

The belongings they left on the bus are the only trace of Buffy and Jody.

The translator breaks this alarming news to French, who insists on going to search for them himself.

“Don’t you understand?” he cries. “The children were in my charge. Mr. Davis entrusted me with their care.”

It will be three hours before another bus leaves for Sitges, so the translator offers to drive French.

When we next see Buffy and Jody, some time has passed.

It’s growing dark, and they have fallen asleep.

When they wake up, the driver has stepped away from the bus and left them alone.

Having no idea where they are, the twins get off the bus and look for help.

They try knocking on the door of a nearby building but don’t get an answer.

“I don’t like this place,” a nervous Buffy tells her brother. “It’s too, too…you know?”

Too much like a studio lot, maybe?

The twins decide to walk on.

I guess no one ever told them that when you’re lost it’s better to stay in one place.

Back in Barcelona, Bill and Ana return from their date to find Cissy and French looking grim.

Cissy breaks the news that the twins are lost, and Bill is alarmed to learn that it’s been nine hours since the Sitges bus took them away.

A fearful and remorseful French says these have been the worst nine hours of his life.

He adds that the area around the Sitges station has been searched thoroughly.

(This scene is confusing. French does not mention that he went to Sitges himself to look for the kids. He must have done so, though, because he now has the picnic basket they left on the bus.)

A shaken Bill decides that they should notify the Barcelona police, and Ana makes the call for him.

As night falls, Buffy and Jody are getting tired, hungry, and even more scared.

When they come upon a church, they hope that perhaps a minister is inside.

“Ministers help people,” Buffy notes.

Jody rings a bell, but no one answers.

The twins decide to enter the church anyway.

Looking around, they see no one at first.

Then they see something that terrifies them…

…a hooded figure approaching.

I don’t blame them–I’d be scared, too.

As the figure comes closer, their eyes grow wider.

Then they take off running at quite a clip.

Eventually, they stop and determine that “it” isn’t following them. When Buffy asks what “it” is, Jody says he thinks it’s “something there aren’t any of.”

Unfortunately, they miss seeing that the apparition is just a man, who might have been able to help them.

Buffy and Jody keep walking, inadvertently making their trail harder and harder for would-be rescuers to follow.

Meanwhile, an officer from the Barcelona police has shown up at Bill’s place.

On the plus side, this guy can speak English. On the minus side, he’s really annoying.

He discourages Bill from going to look for the kids, saying that he should leave the matter to professionals.

He cheerfully notes that lost children are not uncommon, and that a family in the countryside is probably caring for the kids and keeping them safe.

Bill tries to emphasize the situation’s urgency–these kids are only seven years old and can’t speak the language.

Geez, they’re still seven? They were six two and half years ago!

Never has Bill had better cause for one of his head rubs.

In the countryside, Buffy and Jody’s travels bring them to a farm.

In an awkward bit of dialog, Jody recognizes a structure as a barn because he has seen a picture of one in his geography book.

Looking inside, they discover that the barn has an occupant.

Buffy wonders if cows hurt people, but Jody tells her she is thinking of bulls.

Jody finds a place for them to sleep and tries to reassure his sister that the barn probably only seems spooky at night.

They are both sure that Uncle Bill will find them in the morning.

They day’s events have left them wary enough that they hide themselves under the hay before going to sleep.

When dawn breaks, the farmer’s wife enters the barn to milk the cow.

She doesn’t notice the kids, who get up as soon as she leaves.

Hungry and thirsty, they hope to get milk from the cow, but Jody doesn’t know ‘how to turn it on.”

When they hear someone coming, the twins scurry back to their hiding place.

It’s the farmer, who only stays for a minute.

When he leaves, it becomes clear that Buffy is at the end of her rope.

Sobbing, she wonders what will happen if Bill never finds them.

As the episode closes, Jody tries to comfort his sister.

Awww…

I’ll offer commentary on this whole three-parter when I blog about Part 3. Look for that installment on Tuesday!

Guest Cast

Bus Driver: Rico Alaniz. Reader: Socrates Ballis. Carlos Vega: Nacho Galindo. Bus Driver: Gilberto Galvani. Senor Las Casas: Ruben Moreno. Ana Vicente Cassona: Anna Navarro. Tio Dichoso: Jay Novello. Sacristan: Julian Rivero. Station Manager: Ben Romer. Nun: Lenore Stevens. Maria Vega: Rosa Turich. Ricardo: Johnny Aladdin.

Whew–that’s a big cast. Most of these performers made their livings playing Hispanic bit parts in movies and television, especially in Westerns.

Ruben Moreno’s most visible film role was as Dustin Hoffman’s father in Little Big Man. He worked as a director and screenwriter as well an actor and is especially well remembered as an acting coach. A former student has set up a Facebook tribute page. Some sources say Moreno was a two-time Academy Award nominee, but I am unable to verify that in the official Academy Award database.

Lenore Stevens was once married to actor Richard Mulligan.

Sorry for my recent hiatus from posting. To make up for it, I hereby promise to get all three “Lost in Spain” episode summaries posted by Christmas. Some of them might even be posted on Fridays!

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We open this week in the Davis living room, where Cissy is dealing with a major problem.

She has lost her loose-leaf notebook.

Uncle Bill tells her not to worry about it since a new semester is starting. The kids have been on a long holiday break, during which they apparently visited Connecticut.

Jody wants to take this hornets’ nest from Connecticut to school.

Bill quickly puts the kibosh on that plan, and French leads the kids in what he describes as a post-holiday ritual.

He makes them line up and parade out the door. I don’t blame Cissy for rolling her eyes.

Bill heads to work, where some potential clients coax him to take on a challenging project.

They praise the work Bill’s firm did on an aqueduct in Iran and a dam in Pakistan.

The new project would require going to Spain for at least three months, and Bill is reluctant to leave the kids.

The would-be clients seem taken aback that an unmarried man has kids, so Bill has to give a quick summary of the family back-story.

The Spanish businessmen ask if Bill would take the project if they could find a way to keep the family together while it’s under way. He agrees, and they seal the deal with a handshake.

At home that evening, the kids are bubbling with news about school.

Not surprisingly, Cissy is bubbling the most.

She has been named to the school paper staff. There’s also a new boy named Ken Dawson in her class. “Alphabetically, he can’t ignore me,” Miss Davis enthuses.

The conversation’s tone changes dramatically when Bill announces that a new project requires spending three months in Barcelona.

The kids are sad at the thought of Bill leaving, but they understand that he should take the job if it’s an important one.

“A man has to do his job,” Jody notes.

Bill surprises them with the news that they will be accompanying him to Spain.

French is pleased to be included in the trip, but the thought of closing up the apartment and preparing for everyone’s departure in one week sends him into near-hysterics.

Bill doesn’t take this dither too seriously. “It will be a big adventure for you,” he tells French in an amusingly off-hand way.

We next see the family arriving at the swank digs Bill’s clients have secured for the family.

French praises the house as “attractive in the Spanish manner,” and Buffy and Jody like the courtyard.

When they see the fountain, they regret not bringing their fish to live in it.

I thought the Davis family had given up on fish.

While French scurries off to the kitchen to examine the “culinary devices,” the other family members meet the tutor Bill’s clients have engaged for the kids.

Oh, dear–she’s pretty. I know how Bill will be spending his non-working hours in Spain.

Soon, Buffy and Jody are betraying signs of sleepiness.

They resist taking a nap, but Ana tells them that everyone in Spain takes an afternoon siesta.

The idea of a siesta appeals to them. “It’s naps we don’t like,” Jody explains.

After they rest, the kids accompany French to an outdoor food market.

French wants to purchase a standing rib of beef (lean, but not too lean). He soon makes a shocking discovery, however–people in Spain speak Spanish!

The saleslady can’t understand a word he says.

“It’s incredible!” French gasps.

These annoying foreigners, always speaking their own languages in their own countries.

She runs off to get her husband, who greets French in English.

“What a joy to hear English spoken again,” French sighs.

(I’m glad French is British, so we don’t have to claim him as an ugly American.)

As it turns out, “Good afternoon, sir,” is the limit of the male clerk’s English. Giving up on the beef, French points to the lobsters in front of him.

“Cuantas?” the clerk asks, leaving French at a total loss again.

(Good grief, French, it even sounds like quantity! And what would he be asking you at this point in the transaction?)

Even “uno, dos, tres,” doesn’t ring any bells for French, until the man repeats the words while holding up the appropriate number of fingers.

French manages to obtain four lobsters, but the prospect of going through this each day daunts him.

“One will go completely crackers,” he groans. (Maybe one should have picked up a Spanish phrase book before one left New York.)

Later, Bill requests coffee, but French hasn’t managed to acquire any.

He has, however, brought tea from New York.

“One is entitled to a few creature comforts when stationed in an alien land,” French tells an amused Bill.

When French leaves, Cissy tries to find out if Bill finds Ana attractive.

(As if there is any doubt.)

Bill’s not the only one turning on the irresistible Davis charm in Spain, though.

Just then, a delivery man arrives at the door with flowers for Senorita Davis.

He says they are from a secret admirer, and he insists on handing them directly to Cissy.

She’s delighted, of course, but Bill wonders why Ricardo is hanging around for so long.

Ricardo says that the Davis family should have a guide to show them around Barcelona.

“If I ever need one, I guess I can get one,” replies Bill, who is full of dismissive quips this week.

Ricardo offers his services, though he dodges a question about his experience. He’s lived in Barcelona his whole life, he says, and he can show them the Museum of Fine Art, the Archaeology Museum, the Picasso Gallery, the zoo, the aquarium, the Passeig de Gracia for shopping, Montserrat, and more.

(This is making me want to go to Barcelona.)

Bill, who has figured out that Ricardo is Cissy’s “secret admirer,” agrees that the pair can do some sight-seeing–as long as Bill goes with them.

Neither Bill nor Cissy seems to notice how much trouble Ricardo has supplying his last name when they ask.

Hmm…I think we’ve got a little mystery developing here.

After Ricardo leaves, Cissy gushes about how good looking her suitor is.

The scent of romance in the air soon inspires Bill to make his move on the kids’ tutor.

He asks if she can help him brush up on his Spanish.

This tutoring session will take place Sunday over dinner.

As she is heading out the door, Ana runs into Ricardo.

She recognizes him and knows the last name he gave the Davises is false.

He assures her that he has a good reason for lying and secures her promise to keep his secret.

Soon, Cissy and Bill are off touring with Ricardo.

As they visit a museum and a cathedral, Ricardo recites facts that he’s obviously memorized.

An official tour guide follows them from place to place, reciting the same language to her group.

It’s all rather awkward.

Over lunch, Cissy asks if all the guides learn from same tour book. Ricardo admits that it seems to be true.

Bill, in dismissive mode again, notes that the book was printed in New York.

Ricardo wants them to give him another chance as a tour guide on Sunday. Bill will be busy with Ana, but he gives Cissy permission to go without him.

On Sunday morning, as Bill and Cissy lounge around before their dates, French prepares to take the twins on an outing.

They are going to the beach at Sitges, which is about an hour’s bus ride away.

(I guess a plaid suit is French’s version of cabana-wear.)

Ana and Ricardo show up at the same time, and Ricardo makes sure that he and Cissy will be heading in the opposite direction from the older couple.

As Bill and Ana prepare to leave, he notes that the twins are in capable hands with French.

He wouldn’t be so calm if he knew what was really happening.

The trip to Sitges requires a bus change, and Buffy forgets Mrs. Beasley on the first bus.

French tells the kids to get on the Sitges bus while he runs back to get the doll.

Uh-oh.

Before he can get back to the Sitges bus, it takes off with the kids inside.

His inability to speak any Spanish makes it hard for him to explain his problem to anyone at the bus station.

I wonder what this lady makes of a portly English gentleman waving a creepy-looking doll around.

We end this episode in suspense about the twins’ fate.

Continuity Notes

Bill mentions his brother. Jody mentions his friend Pete. We also get several references to Jody’s penchant for pet turtles.

Guest Cast

Tio Dichoso: Jay Novello. Senor Cabra: Roberto Iglesias. Ana Vicente Cassona: Anna Navarro. Senor Valgo: Alberto Morin. Clerk: Tina Menard. Girl Guide: Maria Grimm. Bus Driver: Saverio LoMedico. Ricardo: Johnny Aladdin.

Anna Navarro gets special billing here, but her career of TV appearances and small film roles (including one in Alfred Hitchcock’s Topaz) is similar to that of many other Family Affair guest actors. One of her more notable TV distinctions is that she played Ponch’s mother on CHIPs. Navarro’s real-life daughter has written a nice remembrance about her.

Jay Novello’s long television career included a recurring role as Mayor Lugatto on McHale’s Navy, as well as several appearances on I Love Lucy and The Lucy Show.

Maria Grimm really got around the Don Fedderson shows. In addition to this Family Affair appearance, she showed up on My Three Sons, To Rome, With Love, and The Smith Family. In the 1970s, she appeared on Villa Alegre, a bilingual kids show on PBS.

Johnny Aladdin–as mysterious as the character he plays in this episode.

I haven’t been able to find out anything about the Johnny Aladdin who appeared in this episode. Online sources seem to mix him up with either a musician born in 1914 or a magician born in 1919. Neither identity seems likely, unless he was very well preserved in 1969. Johnny Aladdin, actor, did appear in the memorable Dragnet episode “The LSD Story”–he played the artist eating paint off his paintbrush.

Saverio LoMedico’s previous Family Affair appearance came in another episode about the twins getting lost.

Written by: Edmund Beloin and Henry Garson. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Well, if the title didn’t give away this episode’s theme, the opening stock footage will.

Pip, pip, and cheerio! We’re going to England!

It seems that Bill is in London meeting with British and French officials about his suggested innovations for “the English Channel project.”

Wow–Bill’s firm is working on the Chunnel!

Bill warns that that the project may hit a few snags. (That’s a understatement, considering that the real Chunnel didn’t open until 1994.)

The leaders on the project want Bill to stay in Britain for year and act as a consultant. Bill is reluctant to leave his family for so long, but the others point out that he could fly home on weekends to visit.

Later, Bill calls home to check in.

He lets it slip to French that he may be making his headquarters in England temporarily, which sets French off rhapsodizing about his homeland. (French isn’t excited about the Chunnel, though–he likes old-school channel crossings.)

After hanging up the phone, a wistful French sighs, “England…’oh, to be in…:”

This is the first of many British literary, theatrical, and musical references the script manages to work in.

Soon, Buffy and Jody return home from the zoo and offer French peanuts that the monkeys rejected.

French isn’t thrilled with the peanuts, and the twins aren’t thrilled to hear that Bill will be staying in London.

They express sympathy for Bill having to live abroad for a year.

French tells them that Bill is fortunate to be in the land that produced Chaucer, Shelley, Keats, Shakespeare…

Then he launches into the speech from Richard II that includes: “This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.”

His speech doesn’t do much for Buffy and Jody, but it enraptures Cissy, who has just returned from Sharon’s apartment.

Cissy’s a budding thespian this week, and the mention of England starts her talking about the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art.

“London has everything,” she sighs, envying Bill for having the chance to live there. (Poor Cissy, living in a theatrical backwater like New York City.)

Meanwhile, back in England, Bill is hanging out at the manor house of Batman’s butler.

Okay, on this show his name is Wilson, and he conveniently has to vacate his manor house for about a year. Bill expresses interest in leasing it: While it’s too big for a bachelor, it will be perfect if the kids come to live in London, too.

Wilson’s daughter, Pamela, seems taken aback by this idea.

Pamela is an actress and apparently is Bill’s squeeze while he’s in England.

Bill rushes off to phone the kids, who are thrilled at the idea of joining him in England.

Buffy says that Mrs. Beasley wants to meet the queen, and Bill promises to try to arrange it.

Cissy tells him about her dream of attending RADA, and he offers to enlist Pamela to help make that happen.

Jody just wants to crawl through the Channel Tunnel…he likes crawling through tunnels.

When the kids hang up the phone, Buffy and Jody start marching around and singing “London Bridge.” When French comes in, he’s excited to hear the news, too, but he tells the children they should act like gentlefolk, showing dignity and restraint.

Then he sings a bit of “London Bridge” himself as he heads to the kitchen.

In London, though, everyone is singing a different tune.

To the officials’ disappointment, the tunnel project has been postponed.

“You’ll get the tunnel built someday, I guess,” Bill says consolingly. (Yes…but I’m not sure these guys will live to see it.)

Knowing the kids will be disappointed, too, he says he might still try to work out a stay in England for them.

At home, everyone continues to celebrate all things British.

Buffy and Jody are playing Robin Hood and Maid Marian in the park…

…and French is reading them stories about St. George and the dragon.

French assures Buffy that there are no real dragons in England, but tells her there are castles they can visit.

Everyone is excited to greet Bill when he comes home.

Cissy is thrilled that Pamela has arranged for her to interview at RADA.

Buffy wants to know if the manor house where they will be staying is a spooky castle or a regular house. (Bill says it’s in between–a regular castle.)

French is looking forward to a reunion his family is planning at “the Rooster and Tankard in Sissingham.”

Jody wants to watch the workers digging the tunnel, and French agrees that witnessing history in the making will be educational.

Bill has to let them know that the tunnel project is off.

Their trip to England is still on, however. Bill’s going to send French and the kids to England for a year, and he will visit there on the weekends.

(Sending your kids away for a year is a pretty crazy idea, Bill. Tempting, sure…but crazy.)

Bill rushes back out the door to work on”the Canadian project.” Meanwhile, everyone else tries to stay excited about moving.

Cissy’s still dreaming about how wonderful the Royal Academy will be.

French agrees, naming some of the great British actors–Laurence Olivier, Michael Redgrave, Ralph Richardson, Dame Edith Evans, and John Gielgud. (I believe, however, that the only one of that group to attend RADA was Gielgud.)

French serves Buffy and Jody trifle for dessert and tells them he’s going out for the evening to buy souvenirs of America for his seven brothers and three sisters.

“I, Buffy, am the baby,” French says, cracking me up.

Buffy and Jody are amused, too.

When Bill returns from work that evening, French is still out shopping.

Cissy offers to make him a hamburger while he checks on the kids.

He finds Buffy awake and worried.

She tells him that she wants to stay with him while French, Cissy, and Jody go to England.

She is afraid he will be lonely by himself, though he says he will manage.

Next, he visits Jody’s room, which is deserted. He finds Jody in his own bed.

Jody tells Bill that pals should stick together, so he wants to stick with Bill while French and the girls go to England.

Bill says that’s a nice thought, but he doesn’t back off his ridiculous plan.

He heads to the kitchen, excited to eat “a real American hamburger with onions and junk.”

(Funny thing about that hamburger–Cissy serves it on bread instead of a bun, and Bill removes the top piece of bread and EATS IT WITH A FORK! Are we sure he’s really American?)

Soon Cissy’s telling Bill that she doesn’t want to go England either, preferring to stay with him.

“That settles it,” Bill says, finally snapping to his senses. The England idea is dead.

Cissy is thrilled, but she and Bill wonder how French will take it.

Surprisingly well, as it turns out.

French is actually relieved–he found it an “insoluble predicament” to choose between going with the kids or staying with Bill.

After all, as French says, in an inevitable final allusion, “There’ll always be an England.”

Commentary

Does it not occur to Bill that the whole family could just take a vacation to England when the kids have a break from school?

This episode seems to breeze by more quickly than most. Though it’s yet another story dealing with a possible family separation, it avoids the angst that some episodes generate. As is often the case, French provides many of the best moments. Bill’s tender bedtime scenes with Buffy and Jody are another highlight.

Oh, Bill–when you smile like that, I can forgive your occasional insane parenting lapses.

Continuity Notes

We get several Sharon references, and French harkens back to “the playing fields of Eton” again.

Fun Facts

Both Jody and Buffy hope to be truck drivers when they grow up, although French says Bill has other careers in mind for them.

Random Historical Note

In the opening scene, Bill talks about the experience he gained working on “the San Francisco-Oakland project.” Based on the time frame, I assume the writers were alluding to construction of the Transbay Tube.

Guest Cast

Pamela: Barbara Babcock. Monsieur Raynaud: Emile Genest. Sir Richard: John Holland. Mr. Wilson: Alan Napier.

Barbara Babcock should be a familiar face to most classic TV fans. She appeared in several episodes of Star Trek and later had recurring roles on Dallas and Hill Street Blues. She made guest appearances on such shows as Taxi, Cheers, The Golden Girls, and Remington Steele. In the 1990s, she had a regular role on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. She had one of more memorable film roles in 1992’s Far and Away.

Barbara Babcock

Alan Napier is also familiar, especially for his role as Alfred in the Batman TV series. During his long career, his path crossed several times with both of our Messrs. French. With Sebastian Cabot, he was in the vocal cast of Disney’s The Sword in the Stone, and he appeared once on Cabot’s series Checkmate. With John Williams, he appeared in a three-part Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode called “I Killed the Count.”

And, guess what?  Napier studied at RADA.

Alan Napier

Written by: Elroy Schwartz. Directed by: Charles Barton.

It’s Saturday morning, and Uncle Bill is getting ready for a golf game. Buffy and Jody are disappointed that he can’t spend time with them. He’s not about to give up his “Bill time,” though.

“It’s not often that I can get away on a Saturday,” he says.

Really, Bill? Really?

As it happens, Bill’s plans are about to fall apart, anyway. A phone call brings bad news.

He’s given French orders to tell callers he’s unavailable, but French senses this particular caller’s urgency.

After listening for a moment, Bill tells French to tune in “the news program” on the television.

The whole family rushes into the den and gathers around the rabbit-eared set.

A bridge has collapsed in Africa–a bridge connecting the emerging nations of “Matongo” and “Nubwanda.”

(I wonder how long it took Elroy Schwartz to come up with just the right African-sounding strings of syllables for those names?)

The almost-finished bridge, the announcer tells nation, is a project of the William Davis Construction Company.

Uh-oh.

Fun facts about Matongo–the population is 8 million, and the government is democratic.

Soon, Cissy is answering calls from the wire services, and Bill is rushing to his office.

The worried kids want to know what they can do to help. Bill tells them to be good and mind Mr. French.

At the office, Bill learns that only one person was injured–Clark McAlister, who has been supervising the construction project. It’s feared that McAlister’s back may be broken.

Bill shows admirable concern for his employee. He tells his underlings to charter a plane to bring McAlister back to New York and to find the injured man the best orthopedic doctor available.

Bill also learns about rumors going around that blame the collapse on the use of shoddy materials. Bill, who trusts McAlister’s integrity, decides to fly to D.C. and speak to Matongo’s ambassador in person.

As Bill is going out the door, this guy reminds him that the company is on the hook for any losses, but Bill isn’t personally responsible.

Glasses Guy will continue to advocate evading personal responsibility throughout the episode, so we can be pretty sure he’s a lawyer.

Bill tells the ambassador that his company will cooperate fully with Matongo’s investigation and will also launch an internal one.

Bill emphasizes the he doesn’t believe his employees cut corners, but he promises to cover the disaster’s full cost if the company is found liable.

The ambassador appreciates the fact that Bill came to see him in person.

(The ambassador’s office introduces a recurring color scheme in this episode–red and blue. It also conveys some subtle hints in case you forget where Matongo is located. Elephant, gazelle, zebra-skin rug…Africa!)

Back at home, Glasses Guy is the bearer of bad news. The company’s insurance won’t cover a penny of the losses if the builders used sub-standard materials.

If that happens, Bill pledges, he will cover the losses out of his personal assets. He sticks to this position even when Glasses Guy tells him it will cost him everything he has.

(Discussion question: How rich do we think Uncle Bill is? We know he’s “lives-in-a-nice-Manhattan-apartment-with-a fulltime-manservant” rich. But I’m surprised that he’s “able to-cover-the-cost-of-a-bridge-collapse-out-of-his-personal-assets” rich.)

After Glasses Guy leaves, French and the kids return from grocery shopping.

French reprimands Jody for closing the door with his foot. C’mon, French–the kid’s hands are full!

Everyone soon learns that the family faces bigger problems than improper door-closing.

Bill lets them know that they may soon lose everything they have, including their apartment.

(Dumping this on them before the investigation is even completed? Smooth move, Uncle Bill. I mean, it’s not like these kids have any ongoing issues with trauma and loss, right?)

All three kids insist that they won’t mind moving, as long as the family stays together.

Jody adds that he doesn’t need a whole room for himself. If they get a smaller apartment, he can sleep with Mr. French. This earns one of French’s patented horrified looks, which provides the best laugh in this mostly-serious episode.

The kids just want reassurance that they won’t be sent away.

Bill answers them with a hug.

(Judging by upcoming scenes, he really should have used words instead.)

Soon Bill gets word that McAlister is back in New York, so he rushes to the hospital to visit him.

McAlister says the bridge showed no signs of stress before it suddenly collapsed. The local workers are not to blame for the incident, he adds. They are they best crew he’s ever had.

Bill tells him to concentrate on getting well and informs him that he is flying a specialist in from Johns Hopkins.

After leaving the room, Bill talks briefly with McAlister’s daughter.

She tells Bill that no one blames him for her dad’s condition. Then she hints around that her dad would be relieved if he didn’t have to worry about her college costs.

(Poor Bill’s on a fast track to the fat-fat-the-water-rat side of town.)

Back at home, the kids are still worried, and French isn’t exactly reassuring.

The family faces some “quite awesome possibilities,” he says.

And he doesn’t mean it in the “Totally awesome!” sense.

The kids just want to know that they won’t be shipped back to Aunt Fran, but French says that children need a suitable, stable environment.

“If a family is a family, it doesn’t get sent away all the time,” Buffy insists.

“Quite,” is the only response a visibly moved French can get out.

The next morning, Cissy announces to the twins that she is going to get a job to help the family stay together. Jody says he will run errands to make money and suggests to Buffy that she try babysitting. After all, she likes babies–or at least dolls.

There’s that color scheme again–red and blue.

Soon we see Jody helping people carry their groceries.

Meanwhile, Buffy takes up dog-walking.

We see her walking a poodle…

(Notice: Red and blue dress.)

…and a beagle…

…and then we see a great dane walking her.

The kids also sell their prized possessions.

Jody takes only $2 and a $1 IOU for his baseball signed by Mickey Mantle.

Buffy gets 36 cents for a belt made from gum wrappers.

That’s probably a fair price for the belt, but Jody’s going to regret his transaction someday. (Here’s a ball from the same era that went for over $700 at auction.)

At work, Glasses Guy is still trying to get Bill to protect at least some of his personal assets.

Bill won’t hear of it. He’d rather lose everything than sacrifice his integrity. When Glasses Guy asks about the kids, Bill says they took him for better or worse.

(If only he had made his intentions to keep family together this clear when he was talking to the kids.)

At home that night, French fills Bill in about the fund-raising the children have been doing.

The kids present him with their earnings to date, which amounts to about $6.

“When a family faces troubles together, they’re not so hard,” Buffy says.

At a loss for words, Bill manages to let them know that he appreciates their efforts.

The next day, he visits McAlister at the hospital again and hears some good news.

The expert from Johns Hopkins has predicted a full recovery.

(Red and blue again. And some good, old Family Affair green.)

While he’s at the hospital, Bill takes a call from work. The ambassador wants Bill to see him right away.

In D.C., Bill gets more good news. The collapse was not his company’s fault.

It seems that enemies of Matongo’s government sabotaged the project. But now, Matongo’s people are more determined than ever to see that bridge is completed.

Brian Keith does a great job portraying Bill’s profound relief.

Bill says they can talk about re-building soon, but first he has to take care of some family problems–including buying back a baseball and a gum-wrapper belt.

The kids are happy to get their treasures back.

And everyone is thrilled that another threat to their family unity has been averted.

Bill says they can keep the apartment and adds that French will still be able to live with them.

“There was never any question,” French replies.

Awww. (And, again–red and blue!)

Commentary

This episode is unusual, with its minimal jokes and its emphasis on business matters. I like it: Scenarios that threaten the family’s solidarity always make for compelling episodes, and Brian Keith’s non-verbal acting is excellent, especially in the final scene with the ambassador.

The show takes pains to present Bill as the most benevolent kind of capitalist imaginable–he treats his employees well, pays for their health care himself when they are injured on the job, and stakes his entire fortune on his company’s integrity.

Continuity Notes

We get references to Sharon and Aunt Fran. Jody’s signed baseball has been mentioned before, too.

Guest Cast

Mr. McAlister: Horace McMahon. Barbara: Maura McGiveney. Ambassador: Davis Roberts. Hank: John Alvin. Mel: William Boyett. Nurse: Ila Britton.

This is Ila Britton’s last of four brief Family Affair appearances.

Character actor McMahon made a film and TV career out of playing what his IMDb bio describes as “assorted New York characters – thugs, cabbies, henchmen, bouncers.” This episode was his last on-screen appearance; he died less than three years after it aired.

British actress Maura McGiveney was the daughter of vaudeville “quick-change artist” Owen McGiveney. Shortly after this episode aired, she appeared in the cast of one of TV’s biggest bombs—ABC’s one-episode wonder Turn-On.

Davis Roberts worked regularly as a TV character actor right up until his death in 1993.

William Boyett seemed to specialize in playing policemen and judges throughout his prolific career as a character actor. He had regular roles on Adam-12 and the 1950s cop show Highway Patrol. He also made frequent appearances on both the 1950s and 1960s versions of Dragnet. This is his first of six appearances on Family Affair.