Family Affair Friday: Season 2, Episode 18, “The Great Kow-Tow,” 1/15/1968

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Uncle Bill is entertaining some friends, the Changs, when Buffy and Jody enter the living room to say good night.

Mr. Change praises the twins for their "genuine Oriental kow-tow."

Mr. Chang praises the twins for their “genuine Oriental kow-tow.”

His own children, Tommy and Susie, want no part of old Chinese customs, Mr. Chang sighs. They are afraid to do anything that would classify them as “foreigners.”

Mrs. Chang offers to tuck Buffy and Jody into bed.

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Tommy and Susie are 20 and 15, and Mrs. Chang misses having young children.

(Davis guests sure enjoy putting the twins to bed. It’s never occurred to me to tuck in someone else’s kids.)

Mrs. Chang tells Buffy and Jody a lovely story about the Land of…Fusang? (That’s the best I can come up with based on the pronunciation and my Googling. Someone please correct me on this or any other Chinese reference that I get wrong.) In this land, every day is a holiday, falls don’t result in skinned knees, all girls are pretty, and all boys are strong. When it rains, it rains lemonade, and it snows strawberry, chocolate, and peppermint stick ice cream.

May I pause here to say that I love, love, love Mrs. Chang's gown?

May I pause here to say that I love, love, love Mrs. Chang’s gown?

As the Changs prepare to leave, Mr. Chang invites the Davis family to spend Chinese New Year at their home.

Mrs. Chang mentions that her father-in-law has been feeling ill, but Mr. Chang thinks company will do him good. (Again, I just love that gown.)

Mrs. Chang mentions that her father-in-law has been feeling ill. (Did I mention how much I love that gown?!)

Mr. Chang thinks hosting company will do his father some good.

Enter the dragon. (Wait--are those Mickey Mouse balloons in this Chinese New Year stock footage? What the...?)

Enter the dragon. (Wait–are those Mickey Mouse balloons in this Chinese New Year stock footage? What the…?)

When the Davises arrive at the Chang’s house, they learn that Tommy and Susie are attending a basketball game and won’t be joining in the celebration.

They also meet Liang, who seems to be the Chang version of Mr. French.

They also meet Liang, who seems to be the Chang version of Mr. French.

As we’ll find out later, she’s more like the Chang version of Aunt Fran.

While Liang takes the twins to meet Grandfather Chang, Mr. Chang explains that his father is physically fine. Emotionally, however, he feels he has nothing left to live for. He’s stopped eating and is just marking time, “waiting for it all to be over.”

It amuses me to see Cissy's discomfort during this depressing conversation--she's probably wishing she was at the basketball game with Tommy and Susie.

Cissy’s discomfort during this depressing conversation amuses me. She’s probably wishing she was at the basketball game with Tommy and Susie.

Meanwhile, Grandfather is in the other room, showing Buffy and Jody his bird.

Wait...that didn't come out right.

Wait…that came out wrong.

He tells them that birds are good company for someone as “old and useless” as himself. The kids find Grandfather anything but useless, however.

Actually, Grandfather looks like someone dipped his head in a barrel of talcum powder to make him look older than he is. I suppose that's because Keye Luke was only 12 years older than the actor playing his son.

Actually, Grandfather looks like someone dipped his head in a barrel of talcum powder to “age” him. I suppose that’s because Keye Luke was only 12 years older than the actor playing his son.

Grandfather and the twins hit it off so well that, the next day, Mr. Chang arrives at the Davis apartment bearing a gift.

Oh, boy. A bird. Uncle Bill can hardly contain his delight.

Oh, boy. A bird. Uncle Bill can hardly contain his delight.

Mr. Chang says his father has had a new sparkle in his eye since he met the twins, and he requests that they visit again.

In the episode's funniest scene, French reacts to "the feathered creature" that Buffy and Jody have re-gifted to him.

In the episode’s funniest scene, French reacts to the “feathered creature” that Buffy and Jody have re-gifted to him.

Since Grandfather said birds are excellent company for lonely people, the twins thought Mr. French should have their feathered friend!

When the twins visit Grandfather again, Buffy brings Mrs. Beasley with her. Grandfather calls the doll “most beautiful lady” and Buffy makes her bow–cute!

Grandfather tells the twins a story about his own childhood.

Grandfather gives Mrs. Beasley a Chinese name that sounds like “Yin Ze” and means “Lady Philosopher.”

He tells them a story about his own childhood. His grandfather also kept birds, and together they would carry the cages out into the woods. The would hang the cages in the trees, and his grandfather’s friends would join them and do the same with their bird cages. “The trees were filled with singing birds,” Grandfather remembers.

The twins tell him that they have no grandparents.

“Will you be our grandfather?” they ask.

Touched, Grandfather shows the kids his ancestor shrine and tells them that they are now members of his family.

Touched, Grandfather shows the kids his ancestor shrine and welcomes them into his family.

At home, the kids’ enthusiasm for Chinese culture affects everyone.

French has even taken to greeting people with a bow.

French has even taken to greeting people with a bow.

The kids are wearing adorable Chinese clothing, and French is using a gong to call everyone to dinner. Both the clothing and the gong are gifts from Grandfather Chang.

"It's like living in an old Charlie Chan movie!" she exclaims.

“It’s like living in an old Charlie Chan movie!” Cissy complains.

Wow, Cissy is culturally insensitive. She’s also more right than she knows–see the Guest Cast section.

Grandfather is even teaching the twins to write Chinese characters.

Grandfather is even teaching the twins to write Chinese characters, though the kids are somewhat daunted when they learn that there are more than 50,000 of them.

Buffy has a secret weapon, though–her tongue.

She says sticking it out helps her to keep her hand steady.

She says sticking it out helps her steady her hand.

Jody tries it and finds it helps him, too.

Jody tries it and finds it helps him, too.

(I like this scene–my daughter used to stick her tongue out whenever she was concentrating on something.)

Everyone is just as happy as happy can be. Well, almost everybody.

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“Today’s wisdom spawns tomorrow’s despair,” Liang announces cheerfully.

While Grandfather naps in the next room, Liang complains that he is just living for his visits from the twins. She doesn’t believe the twins are sincere in their affection for him. Grandfather awakes to overhear her saying, “No good can come from having strangers invent reasons for him to stay alive.”

Grandfather awakes to overhear her saying, "No good can come from having strangers invent reasons for him to stay alive."

Random observation: Liang, who’s been rocking the talcum powder look like Grandfather throughout the episode, apparently dipped her head in a barrel of pancake makeup before this scene.

Grandfather confronts Liang, who tells him that the twins’ attention to him has been a “cruel trick.” Believing her, he slips back into his funk.

Mr. Chang tells Bill about this turn of events, and he hustles the twins off to see Grandfather right away.

Mr. Chang tells Bill about this turn of events, and Bill hustles the twins off to see Grandfather.

“We’re not playing a game–we missed you,” the kids tell Grandfather. They talk about how they want to bring their friends over to meet him.

"Now, when they talk about their grandfathers, we don't have to just listen," they say.

“Now, when they talk about their grandfathers, we don’t have to just listen,” they say. Awww.

(By the way, Grandfather has a nice ripple afghan. We crocheters notice these things.)

Grandfather is touched, and all is well again.

Grandfather is touched, and all is well again.

(And Liang, I hope, will channel her hostility in a more productive direction–like bitch-slapping Tommy and Susie for ignoring their grandfather.)

Soon, Grandfather and the kids are heading to Central Park for a good, old-fashioned bird hanging.

Even French gets dragged along.

Even French gets dragged along–though he admits that he dreads telling his friends that he’s out walking his bird.

Everyone has a good laugh, unaware that French’s bird will disappear before the next episode. I’m guessing that French put the cage on the terrace and “accidentally” left the door open.

Commentary

Once again, Family Affair explores one of the cultures in New York’s melting pot. Though the show over-relies on stereotypes at times, its heart is clearly in the right place. This episode is sweet, and it makes sense that orphaned children and a lonely old man could forge a strong bond.

Only one person fails to cover himself with glory during this episode.

That's right Stanley J. Smith--I'm looking at you!

That’s right Stanley J. Smith–I’m looking at you!

Guest Cast

Grandfather Chang: Keye Luke. Paul Chang: Benson Fong. Betty Chang: Lisa Lu. Liang: Beulah Quo.

Luke was a major Chinese-American actor. He first came to prominence playing “Number One Son” Lee Chan in the 1930s Charlie Chan films. and had small parts in dozens of movies right up until his death in 1991. (His last role was in Woody Allen’s Alice.) On Broadway, he appeared in Flower Drum Song. He voiced Charlie Chan in the 1970s cartoon The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan. He was Master Po in the TV series Kung Fu and made frequent guest appearances on M*A*S*H. He was also an accomplished artist; it was while working as a commercial artist that he first came to the attention of movie studios.

Benson Fong’s career parallel’s Luke’s in many ways. He played “Number Three Son” in several 1940s Charlie Chan films. (A fun review of one of these recently appeared at Silver Screenings.) He had a role in the movie version of Flower Drum Song and appeared in several episodes of Kung Fu. Family Affair creator Don Fedderson must have liked him because Fong had a recurring role as Ray Wong in Fedderson’s other show, My Three Sons. He would appear in two more episodes of Family Affair, and two of his children also played guest roles on the show–daughter Lisa in Episode 1.23 and son Brian in season five. Benson Fong was also a successful restauranteur. He died in 1987.

Lisa Lu had a recurring role in the TV series Have Gun, Will Travel. Most of her other roles have been small, but I’m happy to report that she’s still alive and working.

Beulah Quo worked steadily in television until her death in 2002. Like Fong, she had a recurring role on My Three Sons. 

Family Affair Friday: Season 2, Episode 17, “A Man’s Place,” 1/8/1968

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Synopsis

As our episode opens, French is shopping with the twins at one of those little markets they frequent.

No wonder they like this market--it's Family Affair green. But what's up with all those weird decanters along the wall.

No wonder they like this market–it’s Family Affair green!

A moment later, French’s life changes when he locks eyes with a stranger as they reach for the same casaba melon. Actually, it’s not a total stranger.

It's Ann Sothern!

It’s Ann Sothern!

In the Davis universe, it’s Florence Cahill, whose late husband owned French’s favorite tobacco shop. She and French hit it off, and soon he and the kids are walking her home. She mentions that she’s recently set aside her widow’s weeds and then comes right out and asks French to “share her melon.”

French, surprisingly unfazed by this forward behavior, agrees to return later for dinner.

French, surprisingly unfazed by this forward behavior, agrees to return later for a lunch date.

In response to the twins’ curiosity about Mrs. Cahill, French reminds them that he does not discuss “matters of personal concern.”

Later, he joins Florence in her apartment. Geez, green overload.

Later, he joins Florence in her apartment. Geez, green overload.

Seemingly puzzled about the nature of French’s profession, Florence probes him for details. He says he began training for the role of gentleman’s gentleman at 16 and entered service at 22.

Though you can't really tell in these screen captures, Ann Sothern gets the same soft-focus closeups Louise Latham got in the last episode. One wonders why--Sothern looks great for her age in the longer shots.

Though you can’t really tell in these screen captures, Ann Sothern gets the same soft-focus closeups Louise Latham got in the last episode. One wonders why–Sothern looks great for her age in the longer shots.

As their lunch concludes, French invites Florence to go out to dinner with him on his next night off.

On the night of their date, he gives her a tour of the Davis apartment.

On the night of their date, he gives her a tour of the Davis apartment.

Florence wonders aloud whether French wouldn’t rather have a place of his own. He notes that living with an employer is simply part of his profession.

Suddenly, things get all kinds of awkward when Bill returns to the apartment unexpectedly with his date. (If you’re wondering where the kids are on this particular evening–well, so am I.)

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French hustles off Florence off to the kitchen as though he’s a teenager who’s been caught with a girl in his room.

He even tries to keep Bill out of the kitchen and unaware of Florence’s presence.

Of course, when Bill and Florence do meet, Bill handles the encounter gracefully. I'm not sure what French was expecting.

Of course, when Bill and Florence do meet, Bill handles the encounter gracefully. I’m not sure what French was expecting.

The next day, at the market, French is still apologizing to Florence for his “distressing predicament.”

He admits to feeling like he has no place to call his own but says his current career is the only one for which he's qualified.

He admits to feeling like he has no place to call his own but says his current career is the only one for which he’s qualified.

Florence disagrees. She thinks he would do a wonderful job running a restaurant. In fact, she’s willing to invest her savings to help him get started.

Soon, French is offering his resignation to Bill, whose head-rubbing betrays the disappointment he feels.

Soon, French is offering his resignation to Bill, whose head-rubbing betrays the disappointment he feels.

The kids are also sad, of course. Cissy actually urges Bill to order French to stay. Apparently, her education skipped over the war about hundred years earlier that made such arrangements illegal.

"When you love someone, you want them to be happy," Bill reminds them.

“When you love someone, you want them to be happy,” Bill reminds the kids.

Meanwhile, French starts interviewing his potential replacements.

This guy has 14 nieces and nephews and enjoys paling around with them on trips to Battersea Park and Brighton.

This guy has 14 nieces and nephews and enjoys palling around with them on jaunts to Battersea Park and Brighton.

French isn’t impressed.

This guys believes most adults are "too little concerned with discipline" when it comes to children.

This guys believes most adults are “too little concerned with discipline” when it comes to children.

He’s much more to French’s liking and gets the nod.

Soon, French says a sad goodbye to the children.

Soon, French says a sad goodbye to the children.

When they see him again, it’s at his restaurant, Our Mr. French, which is off to a thriving start.

    Florence says French has worked like "a bearded hurricane" to get things up and running.

Florence says French has worked like “a bearded hurricane” to get things up and running. (Aww…little white gloves on Buffy. Cute.)

Cissy praises the restaurant’s decor, indicating either that she has impeccable manners or that she’s just surprised paint colors besides green exist.

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Jody thinks French looks “real happy” with the restaurant, but Bill doesn’t seem so sure.

Indeed, the next day, when French comes upon the children in the park, he takes exception to the way Mr. Smyser is overseeing them.

According to the twins, Smyser's maxims include "Avoid excess in all things" and "Well brought up children know their place."

According to the twins, Smyser’s maxims include “Avoid excess in all things” and “Well brought up children know their place.”

Smyser himself tells French that children are shaping up well–although “the adolescent” is proving more resistant to his methods.

Returning to the restaurant, French vents to Florence about the "tuppeny tyrant" who took his place.

Returning to the restaurant, French vents to Florence about the “tuppenny tyrant” who took his place.

Realizing that his reaction is a bit out of proportion, Florence wonders whether any replacement would please him.

"You have to go where your heart is," she tells him, noting that he can still help with menu planning and ordering for a few weeks.

“You have to go where your heart is,” she tells him, noting that he can still help with menu planning and ordering for a few weeks.

She’s enjoying the restaurant business and will try to keep the place afloat. (That may prove difficult, since a positive newspaper review mentioned the presence of “the incomparable Mr. French” as a major selling point. Oh, well–it’s not like she invested her whole life savings in it or something.)

In parting, French gets two cheek-kisses from her–that’s a lot of action by his standards.

Soon the delighted kids are celebrating French's return by demanding that he prepare their favorite foods.

Soon the delighted kids are celebrating French’s return by demanding that he prepare their favorite foods.

French, in turn, is showing his love for them by pointing out their hygienic flaws.

All’s well that ends well.

Commentary

This episode reveals the difficult social position French occupies as an adult with no real home of his own. I like the Ann Sothern character, who could have been played as a villainess trying to steal French away. She’s actually a nice lady who has his best interests at heart. You can’t even hate Smyser too much. French did choose him for his hard-line stance on child-rearing.

If this were real life, I’d worry about the dependence French has on his employer’s family and how it impedes his personal and professional growth. In 1960s TV, though, you’ll find many people willing to live asexual lives of perpetual servitude to make middle-class families happy.

Guest Cast

Florence Cahill: Ann Sothern. Mr. Smyser: Laurie Main. Mr. Tyburn: Leslie Randall. Miss Martin: Kaye Elhardt. Clerk: Ralph Manza.

Sothern appeared in B movies throughout the 1930s and starred for ten years in the Maisie series of films. Some of her more important films include Cry Havoc, Words and Music, and A Letter to Three Wives (she also had a part in a TV remake of the latter). For eight years she starred in two TV series, Private Secretary and The Ann Sothern Show, and received four Emmy nominations. She was also the voice of the title character in the series My Mother, The Car. With her last film role, in 1987’s The Whales of August, Sothern captured an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

Leslie Randall, whose brief scene was a comic highlight of this episode, starred with his wife in a popular British sitcom called Joan and Leslie. He would return once more as Mr. Tyburn on Family Affair. And he’s still alive–something I’m always happy to report about any Family Affair guest star.

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Like Sebastian Cabot, Laurie Main narrated several Winnie the Pooh vehicles. He also served as the “story reader” on Disney read-along recordings. He died last year.

I always admire the tenacity of a bit player like Ralph Manza. From Perry Mason in the 1950s, through 1960s westerns, through Barney Miller and CHiPs in the 1970s, Newhart and The Golden Girls in the 1980s, and Seinfeld and Home Improvement in the 1990s, he kept right on working.He died in 2000.

Fun Facts

Our Mr. French was located on E. 54th Street. Jody has trouble tying his shoelaces. Buffy’s non-stop skipping record is 139.

Continuity Notes

Jody’s turtle gets yet another mention.

Burning Question

What are “sloppy Samuels”–the food that Buffy wants French to prepare for his homecoming celebration? Are they anything like sloppy Joes? And why would French deign to make anything that’s “sloppy?”

Family Affair Friday: Season 2, Episode 16, “Family Reunion,” 1/1/1968

Since yesterday was Ray Bradbury’s birthday, I will introduce this week’s Family Affair episode thusly:

Something wicked this way comes.

Something wicked this way comes.

(You might want to review Aunt Fran’s history from the Pilot and Episode 1.22 before reading further.)

Written by: Ed James. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We begin with mail call at the Davis apartment. Even Buffy and Jody receive mail.

French gives them anything marked "Resident" or "Occupant."

French gives them anything marked “Resident” or “Occupant.”

Cissy reacts with alarm to a letter she receives.

It's from Aunt Fran! A faint whiff of sulfur coming from the envelope was probably the first hint.

It’s from Aunt Fran! A faint whiff of sulfur coming from the envelope was probably the first hint.

Fran has written that she’s looking forward to seeing the children again. (“Mwah-hah-hah” is implied at the end of the sentence). The kids are relieved when Uncle BIll explains that Fran is talking about a visit, not a permanent move. It seems she’s hosting a family reunion at her home in Terre Haute and wants Bill and the kids to attend. Bill had already decide to decline because he fears the trip will stir up traumatic memories for everyone.

The kids soon convince him that they want to see the old hometown, catch up with school friends, and re-visit landmarks like "the biggest slide in the whole world."

The kids soon convince him that they want to see the old hometown, catch up with school friends, and re-visit landmarks like “the biggest slide in the whole world.”

One can travel by air from New York to Terre Haute in about two hours–or five establishing shots.

Here's the plane.

We go from the plane…

...to bustling Terre Haute international...

…to bustling Terre Haute international…

...to this sign, whose appearance must have thrilled the Chamber of Commerce...

…to this sign, whose appearance must have pleased the Chamber of Commerce…

...to glamorous downtown Terre Haute...

…to glamorous downtown Terre Haute…

...to the suburbs...

…to the suburbs…

…before arriving at Aunt Fran’s rather grand house.

Buffy points out that this is a new house--not the one where she lived with Aunt Fran and spent her time getting locked in the closet by Uncle Harold.

Buffy points out that this is a new house–not the one where she lived with Aunt Fran.

The kids seem happy to see their aunt. The presence of Family Affair green in her house probably has a calming effect on them.

The kids seem happy to see their aunt. (The presence of Family Affair green in her house probably has a calming effect on them.)

Since it’s almost time for school to let out, Cissy heads off to the high school to surprise old friends, while the twins convince French to take them to their old kindergarten classroom.

Yes, Bill brought his man-servant along on this trip. His luggage isn't going to unpack itself, you know.

Yes, Bill brought his man-servant along on the trip. His luggage isn’t going to unpack itself, you know.

That leaves Bill alone with Aunt Fran, who promptly confesses that she’s sorry to see the kids looking so well-adjusted. Yep, that’s our Aunt Fran. It seems she has hopes of stealing them away. How has she progressed from ditching Buffy, to wanting the girls, to wanting all three kids? Beats me.

Uncle Bill looks uncomfortable, as anyone would in the presence of madness.

Uncle Bill just stands there looking uncomfortable.

When the kids return, they are bursting with excitement about their school visits. Cissy is anxious to get reacquainted with a boy named Harvey who has blossomed into a star athlete. Buffy and Jody saw their old kindergarten teacher, who gave them cookies.

(We get a good French-ism here: “I find it a matter of note that, in New York or Terre Haute, school cookies always seem to be oatmeal.”)

Out of the kids’ presence, Fran corners Bill and makes him promise that he will watch the kids over the next few days and consider whether they would be happier in Terre Haute.

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The director seems to use some kind of soft-focus filter on Louise Latham’s close-ups, which are noticeably “blurrier” than any other shots.

The next day, Cissy heads off with Harvey to explore her old stomping grounds.

She acts surprised every time she remembers something, as if it is a feat for teenager to remember a place where she lived less than two years before.

She acts surprised every time she remembers something, as if it is a feat for teenager to remember a place where she lived less than two years before.

Harvey remarks on how she has changed since leaving Indiana–she’s now a sophisticated New York woman. He asks her to join him for the junior dance, but it’s more than two weeks away. Cissy says she can’t stay that long, and she doubts Uncle Bill will let her fly back alone for the dance.

He wants her to join him for the junior prom, but it's more than two weeks away.

Wearing his default expression of puzzlement, Harvey observes that Bill must be strict.

No, Cissy replies. He just cares about her and the twins.

Cut to the twins themselves, who are showing French their old playground and that huge slide they remembered.

Sometimes our memories play tricks on us.

“If you leave a slide out in the rain, can it shrink?” Jody asks, leaving French to explain that the slide just seems smaller since the twins have grown.

Back at home, the ever-gracious Uncle Harold is grumbling about grocery prices.

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He says he can remember when he couldn’t carry all the bread that thirty cents could buy. Sure doesn’t sound like a guy who’d want to add three extra mouths to his household.

Cissy asks Bill about flying back for the dance. He says no, as she expected. Aunt Fran knows an opportunity when she sees one, though.

She suggests that all the kids stay with her until the dance.

She suggests that all the kids stay with her until the dance.

The kids can attend their old schools, she says, and French and Uncle Bill can have a break.

Uh-oh. You'd think by now Bill would know how that kind of talk affects the kids. He agrees to consider the plan, though.

Uh-oh. You’d think by now Bill would know how that kind of talk affects the kids. He agrees to consider the plan, though.

That night, fear of abandonment keeps all the kids up and drives Jody into the girls’ bed. The next morning, at the breakfast table, a breakthrough occurs: The kids tell Bill their worries, and he assuages them. (This is so much better than another round of misunderstandings about whether Bill wants to keep them and whether they want to stay with him.)

Random breakfast observations: Fran looks even creepier in an apron. Also, Bill is wearing the same shirt he wore the day before.

Random breakfast observations: Fran looks even creepier when she wears an apron. Also, Bill is wearing the same shirt he wore the day before.

Bill tells Fran that he and the kids will be leaving on Sunday after the family reunion. As it turns out, even that isn’t soon enough, as bad memories begin to plague the kids.

Harvey and Cissy visit a local lake and she remarks on its beauty.

Harvey scrunches up his face in confusion once again and wonders what's so beautiful about it.

Harvey scrunches up his face in confusion once again and wonders what’s so beautiful about it.

Cissy grows wistful as she remembers picnics at the lake with her parents in the years before Buffy and Jody were born.

Kathy Garver does a good job expressing genuine emotion in this scene.

Kathy Garver does a good job expressing genuine emotion in this scene.

Meanwhile, French is taking the kids for a walk down memory lane. (You’d think Uncle Bill, who anticipated that the kids might find their visit to Terre Haute traumatic, would spend time with them himself. Hell, you’d think he’d do it just to avoid being alone with Fran.)

First they stop outside a drug store and remember going there for ice cream with their parents.

First they stop outside a drug store and remember going there for ice cream with their parents.

Then they stop outside the very toy store where Buffy got Mrs. Beasley. (As French jokes, it should be marked with a plaque.) She remembers walking down the street with her mother, who spied the doll and thought it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. She took Buffy into the store and bought her the doll on the spot.

"It was the last thing..." Buffy says. "The very last thing..."

“It was the last thing…” Buffy says. “The very last thing…”

Outside the barber shop, Jody remembers getting his hair cut side-by-side with his dad, who would joke that Jody might need a shave in a few weeks.

More acting props: Sebastian Cabot reactions to the kids are perfect here--tender, but maintaining French's normal restraint.

More acting props: Sebastian Cabot’s reactions to the kids are perfect here–tender, while maintaining French’s characteristic restraint.

The twins decide they’ve seen enough of Terre Haute and ask French to take them back to the house.

Later, the kids beg Bill to take them home right away, and he agrees.

Later, the kids beg Bill to take them home right away, and he agrees.

Sadly, we don’t get to see Aunt Fran’s reaction to their departure. Or that of Head-Wrinkle Harvey.

Back at home, the twins are happy that their respective pets are still alive.

Back at home, the twins are happy that their respective pets are still alive.

And Bill, relieved that the whole ordeal is over, is eager for the drink that French promises to fix him.

Commentary

This episode exudes the underlying sadness that makes Family Affair so unusual. Many shows of that era featured kids who had lost a parent and then promptly forgotten that parent ever existed. I love the fact that Family Affair revisited the kids’ grief every so often. The twins’ walk with French is especially moving and well scripted, with a realistic amount of detail surrounding each memory.

Guest Cast

Fran Higer: Louise Latham. Harold Higer: Bill Zuckert. Harvey: Jim Henaghan.

Sadly, this was Latham’s last appearance as the aunt we love to hate. They should have brought her back once a year. By season five, she could have escalated to building a bunker prison for the kids in her basement.

Fun Facts

The kids’ mother had a beautiful singing voice. Buffy has a goldfish.

Continuity Notes

The entire episode refers back to the show’s origin. Also, Jody’s turtle gets another shout-out–Scotty fed it while the family was out of town.

Notable Quotes

“When you come back, you remember all the little things you thought you’d forgotten, but you haven’t…you really haven’t.”–Cissy

 A Pronunciation Digression: Terre What?

Terre Haute is pronounced Terre Hote–except on Family Affair. In early episodes, most of the actors pronounce it correctly, but Brian Keith calls it Terre Hut. By the episode, everyone was using that pronunciation. In his memoir, Family Affair Production Supervisor John G. Stephens relates a conversation he had with Brian Keith about this issue:

During the filming, Brian keeps pronouncing the town’s name “Terre Hut.” We try to get him to pronounce the name correctly. He’ll have nothing to do with that. “I’ll call it Terre Hut whether you like it or not.”

After the show airs, we receive a number of letters from Terre Haute, complaining about Brian’s pronunciation. We show him the letters, and he just says, “What the fuck do they know?”

“They live there!”

“Ah, screw ’em.”

 

 

Family Affair Friday: Season 2, Episode 15, “Best of Breed,” 12/25/1967

Can you believe that networks used to air new episodes on Christmas night? This one isn’t even holiday-themed, although it does score high on the heart-warming scale.

Written by: Ed James. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Synopsis

Coming home from school, Buffy and Jody realize they have a stalker.

This little guy has followed them home.

This little guy has followed them home.

The twins want to take him inside, of course, but the building has a no-dogs rule.

Jody comes up with a quick solution to that problem--the rule won't apply if no one sees him going in.

Jody comes up with a quick solution to that problem–the rule won’t apply if no one sees him going in.

Buffy knows that even if they make it their apartment with the dog, they’ll still face a formidable obstacle–Mr. French.

The dog is dirty, and Mr. French doesn't like dirt.

The dog is dirty, and Mr. French doesn’t like dirt.

Undeterred, Jody wraps the dog in his jacket.

Scotty's distracted, so the kids manage to get the dog past him.

Scotty’s distracted, so the kids manage to get their bundle past him.

Upstairs, they sneak past French and head straight for the luxurious Davis bathtub. After the dog’s bath, Buffy observes, he will smell good and everyone will like him better.

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Jody: “Better than what?”
Buffy: “Better than if he didn’t smell good.”

Unfortunately, the dog escapes from tub before his bath is over. He heads straight for the living room and a close encounter of the French kind.

French accepts the dog's presence with the equanimity we've come to expect from him.

French accepts the dog’s presence with the equanimity we’ve come to expect from him.

“You will capture it and evict it post-haste,” he orders. Meanwhile the dog–which the kids have given the very creative name “Puppy”–is holed up in a cupboard.

Aww. I'm more of a cat person, but he is a cute little guy.

Aww. I’m more of a cat person, but he is a cute little guy.

Uncle Bill arrives on the scene, and the twins lobby to keep the dog.

Bill says his lease forbids dogs, so Puppy has to go.

Bill says his lease forbids dogs, so Puppy has to go.

When the kids point out that an upstairs neighbor has a French poodle, Mr. French explains that dog is a champion with an impeccable pedigree. As a good, red-blooded American, Bill objects to dog snobbery, but he doesn’t feel he can challenge apartment policy.

French is tasked with removing the dog, and his body language in this scene is an episode highlight.

French is tasked with removing the dog, and his body language in this scene is an episode highlight.

Puppy gets the last laugh, though.

He follows French back into the building, the elevator, and apartment.

He sneaks back into the building, the elevator, and apartment under the nose of an implausibly oblivious French.

Meanwhile, in a threadbare subplot, Cissy is dealing with snobbery, too. A high school social club, the Marvels, has selected her for membership. They won’t accept her underprivileged friend Ingrid, though.

Ingrid's mother--gasp!--takes in laundry. That explains why Ingrid looks so ashamed.

Ingrid’s mother–gasp!–takes in laundry.

Cissy complains to Uncle Bill about the Marvels. As a social club, he says, they have a right to accept or reject people as they please. He admires Cissy’s conviction, however.

Perhaps that's why his attitude toward Puppy softens when he realizes the dog has returned.

Perhaps that’s why his attitude toward Puppy softens when he realizes the dog has returned.

He agrees to approach the apartment manager about keeping the dog and to let the kids entertain Puppy in the meantime.

Taking their friend for a walk, the kids meet up with the building's French poodle.

Taking their friend for a walk, the kids meet up with the building’s French poodle.

The snooty kid walking the poodle says his name is Monsieur Cherbourg and he has earned 12 blue ribbons. He also responds to French commands.

The kids still don’t understand why Monsieur Cherbourg has a higher status than Puppy. French decides that taking them to a dog show will enlighten them on the importance of good breeding.

What follows is a tedious display of dog show stock footage.

What follows is a tedious montage of dog show stock footage.

The kids aren’t impressed, but the experience does inspire them to teach Puppy a few tricks.

Their approach is to demonstrate sitting and lying down for Puppy.

Their approach is to demonstrate sitting and lying down for Puppy.

They have limited success, but it doesn’t really matter. They return home only to learn from Uncle Bill that the apartment manager has vetoed Puppy as a tenant.

Bill promises to find a good home for Puppy.

Bill promises to find a good home for Puppy.

Once again, though, Cissy’s example gives him a change of heart.

She has invited several friends home--all Marvels rejects. They've decided to start their own club.

She has invited several friends home–all Marvels rejects. They’ve decided to start their own club.

Bill gets his secretary on the phone and tells her to make arrangements for him to host a dog show in the park. (I’ll bet that assignment made her day.) This dog show will welcome non-pedigreed pups, and real kennel club judges will preside.

All these dogs and kids must have made for a fun day for Anissa Jones and Johnnie Whitaker--and a long day for director Charles Barton.

Director Charles Barton must have loved dealing with all these dogs and kids on the set.

At the show, Bill tells French that he’s hoping Puppy will win a prize, which will give Bill more leverage with the apartment manager. French is surprised that Bill didn’t fix the contest outright.

Puppy succeeds on his own merits, though, winning Best of Breed in the Schnauzer/Poodle/Pekinese/Chihuahua categories and the overall championship.

Puppy succeeds on his own merits, though, winning Best of Breed in the Schnauzer/Poodle/Pekinese/Chihuahua categories and the overall championship.

French wonders why Puppy won in three categories (four, actually), then laughs when he realizes that Puppy is “a little bit of each.”

Returning to the apartment building, the kids inform Snooty Poodle Girl that Puppy is a champion.

Her mind is completely blown.

Her mind is completely blown.

Next, the family confronts the apartment manager. When he tries to differentiate between Puppy’s champion status and the poodle’s, Bill dares him to explain the difference to the kids.

Showing the weak will that plague his marriage to Harriet Oleson, the apartment manager caves.

Showing the weak will that plague his marriage to Harriet Oleson, the apartment manager caves.

(He’ll soon have his hands full dealing with other tenants’ ersatz pet show winners, I suspect.)

Buffy and Jody are thrilled that they get to keep Puppy.

The episode ends by driving home the point that all dogs are the same under the fur.

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Together, Puppy and Monsieur Cherbourd bark at a cat they spy through the lobby windows.

Commentary

This episode isn’t deep, but it has plenty of cuteness going on. The disturbing thing is that we will never see Puppy again. Best case scenario: He went to live in Connecticut with Rosie the horse. Worse case scenario: He took a Mrs.-Beasley-style swan dive off the terrace.

Continuity Notes

We get a Scotty sighting and a Miss Lee mention.

Guest Cast

Lewis: Richard Bull. Girl: Kym Karath. Mrs. Hobson: Gerry Lock. Scotty: Karl Lukas. Judge: Larry Thor. Ingrid: Terry Burnham.

Bull is best known for playing the beleaguered Nels Oleson on Little House on the Prairie.

Karath makes her second of three Family Affair appearances.

Lock kept acting at least through the early 2000s, mostly in parts like “Old Woman” and “Little Old Lady.”

This Week’s Bonus Feature

This week, I’m presenting another Family Affair collectible–a lunchbox from 1969, manufactured by King Seeley Thermos.

The front of the lunchbox features a birthday party scene. The party, with balloons, cake, and presents, is for Mrs. Beasley. That's not weird at all.

The front of the lunchbox features a birthday party scene. The party–with balloons, cake, and presents–is for Mrs. Beasley. That’s not weird at all.

The thermos displays the same scene.

The thermos displays the same scene.

The reverse side of the lunchbox shows Buffy and Jody playing in the park.

The reverse side of the lunchbox shows Buffy and Jody playing in the park. The picnickers in the background are probably Cissy and Uncle Bill, although the male figure isn’t remotely recognizable.

One side of the box shows Buffy, Mrs. Beasley, and Uncle Bill.

One side of the box shows Buffy, Mrs. Beasley, and Uncle Bill.

The bottom shows Buffy and Jody.

The bottom shows Buffy and Jody–hanging out under a bed?

This side is the worst. Buffy looks like a transvestite midget, and Cissy looks crazed. Worst of all, it reminds me of their musical number from two weeks ago.

This side is the worst. Buffy looks like a transvestite midget, and Cissy looks crazed. Worst of all, it reminds me of their musical number from two weeks ago.

Family Affair Friday(ish): Season 2, Episode 14, “Star Dust,” 12/18/1967

For once, being a day late with this feature actually serves a purpose–it allows us to celebrate the birthday of this week’s beautiful guest star, Martha Hyer.

She is 89 today!

She is 89 today!

So, yeah, I totally planned this week’s lateness. And, incidentally, I look just like Martha Hyer does in this episode. Trust me.

Written by: Roy Kammerman. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Synopsis

It’s bedtime, and the twins want to hear a story. Uncle Bill’s attending a party so the task falls to Mr. French.

The kids say it will be good practice for French, in case he ever becomes an uncle.

The kids say it will be good practice for French, in case he ever becomes an uncle.

Actually, he is an uncle. That was a Nigel French episode, though, and the twins might not realize that his nephew would be Giles French’s nephew, too.

He suggests a chapter of Winnie the Pooh.

French suggests a chapter of Winnie the Pooh. (The show’s frequent Pooh references are in-jokes, since Sebastian Cabot began narrating Pooh features in 1966.)

The kids ask for Jack and the Beanstalk instead, and French puts his unique stamp on the story. When Uncle Bill returns, the kids ask him to take over.

He tries, but Cissy keeps interrupting to hear details of the party he attended.

He tries, but Cissy keeps interrupting to hear details of the party he attended.

Bills says the guest list included several senators, a Nobel laureate, a famous explorer–and a movie star.

Guess which one Cissy wants to hear about.

Guess which one Cissy wants to hear about.

The movie star was Carol Haven, who happens to call at this moment to invite Bill to dinner the next evening.

Cissy can't believe Bill is so calm about this invitation from "the most beautiful woman in the whole world."

Cissy can’t believe Bill is so calm about this invitation from “the most beautiful woman in the whole world.”

For their part, the twins don’t know who Carol Haven is. They don’t know who Thomas Edison is either. (Buffy makes a good point–if Thomas Edison is so important, why isn’t his birthday a school holiday?)

At dinner the next evening, Carol says she wants to get to know Bill better.

At dinner the next evening, Carol makes it clear that she wants to get to know Bill.

He’s made quite an impression on her–she says the last time she called a man she just met was in junior high. (According to the old teen advice books I review on this site, that means she was a hussy in junior high.)

Dinner is interrupted a few times by fans requesting autographs and sending champagne, as well as a photographer who takes a picture of Bill and Carol. Carol handles these people in a calm and gracious way.

Bill is uncomfortable, though--he'd apparently like her to go all Sean Penn on them.

Bill is uncomfortable, though–he’d apparently like her to go all Sean Penn on them.

He asks why she doesn’t disguise her appearance, and she replies that she’s worked hard to be recognized. He suggests that they have their next date at a place with gourmet food and absolute privacy–his apartment.

The next night finds Cissy in a tizzy--she can't do a thing with her hair.

The next night finds Cissy in a tizzy–she can’t do a thing with her hair. (Cissy is wearing one of those quilted robes that every ’60s and ’70s girl had.)

Even French is excited about their guest’s impending visit–he’s wearing white tie and tails!

Even French is excited--he's wearing tails! He looks cute, like an emperor penguin.

He looks cute, like an emperor penguin.

When Carol appears, she puts everyone at ease.

When Carol appears, she quickly puts everyone at ease--even Cissy, who's still standing around in her robe.

Even Cissy, who’s still standing around in her robe. Get dressed, girl!

How wonderfully well does Carol fit in with the Davis family? Let us count the ways:

She offers to help Cissy with her hair and ends up helping the teen feel good about her usual hairstyle.

She offers to help Cissy with her hair and ends up helping the teen feel good about her usual hairstyle.

She isn't afraid to embarrass herself while playing charades.

She isn’t afraid to embarrass herself while playing charades.

She tells the twins a bedtime story and includes Mrs. Beasley in the story as a friend, not a doll.

She tells the twins a bedtime story and includes Mrs. Beasley in the story as a friend, not a doll.

This earns her the first kiss Mrs. Beasley has bestowed upon a grown-up, excluding Bill and French.

By the end of the evening, Jody is asking Cissy if their mother looked like Carol. (Silly boy–we’ll find out later that she looked like June Lockhart.)

She didn't, Cissy replies--but she was just as nice.

She didn’t, Cissy replies–but she was just as nice.

If you notice anyone missing from these charming tableaux, you might have a clue about where this episode is heading.

Soon, word gets around that Carol and Bill are dating.

French's nanny friends grill him: What does she look like without makeup? And what are Bill's intentions toward her?

French’s nanny friends grill him: What does she look like without makeup? And what are Bill’s intentions toward her?

French is appalled: “The relationship of gentleman’s gentleman to master is as confidential as that of lawyer to client.”

A reporter also tries to pump him for information, promising him personal publicity.

A reporter also tries to pump him for information, promising him personal publicity.

French says that a gentleman’s name should only appear in the paper three times: When is born, when he marries, and when he dies. “I’ve already done the first and contemplate neither the second nor the third,” he says.

(I’ve always heard that old newspaper rule applied to women–men are allowed to have newsworthy accomplishments. Maybe gentlemen’s gentlemen aren’t, though.)

Back at home, we learn that Carol has taken Buffy and Jody to the zoo. Buffy asks Bill if he plans to marry Carol.

"Women do know about these things," Buffy says, when Bill expresses surprise at the question.

“Women do know about these things,” Buffy says, when Bill expresses surprise at the question.

Both twins say they would like him to marry her, even if it means moving to Hollywood. Bill assures them that no wife of his will have a career.

"The lady is not gonna live in Hollywood and not gonna be a star in the movies. She's gonna be a wife to me and a mother to you."

“The lady is not going to live in Hollywood and not going to be a star in the movies. She’s gonna be a wife to me and a mother to you.”

I think I got that quote right, but it was hard to hear over the sound of my own gagging. Apparently, having two working parents is much worse for children than having a single parent who works.

Soon, the kids have another fun outing with Carol. They celebrate "nobody's birthday" with a shopping trip.

Soon, the kids have another fun outing with Carol. They celebrate “nobody’s birthday” with a shopping trip.

Jody talks about riding the “alligators,” meaning escalators. (Sometimes I worry about Jody.)

Just when everyone is so happy, a dark cloud appears on the horizon. Carol’s been offered the plum role of St. Joan in a movie filming in Spain. If she takes it, she’ll be gone for a year. (It must be quite an epic.)

The next night, Carol tells her unhappy agent to turn the role down.

The next night, Carol tells her shocked agent to turn the role down.

She’s found something more important, she says–something she’s been looking for her whole life.

When Bill arrives and hears her plans, he wonders if she can adjust to normal life. Can she deal with life's "petty annoyances" without agents and handlers?

When Bill arrives and hears her plans, he wonders if she can adjust to non-stardom. Can she deal with life’s “petty annoyances” without agents and handlers?

Hmm, petty annoyances? Like packing your own suitcase, cooking your own dinners, taking your own children to school? Tell us how you deal with those petty annoyances, Bill.

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Taken aback, Carol suddenly realizes that she’s been doing all the pursuing in this relationship.

“The whole Davis family fell in love with you, that’s for sure,” Bill says, glossing over his own feelings.

He encourages a crestfallen Carol to go to Spain. The Davis family will wait for her and then–well, we’ll see…

Carol wishes she had a screenwriter to help her make this scene come out right.

“Maybe that’s because what you had in mind was a scene, not just two ordinary people talking,” Bill replies. Ouch.

We flash forward a bit, and the kids have received a package from Carol in Spain.

We flash forward a bit and see the kids have received a package from Carol in Spain.

Carol has included a clipping for Bill–it says she’s signed to a new three-year contract. Her next picture will be Mama Wore Spangles.

Everyone looks sad, and French expresses his condolences to Bill.

Buffy doesn't think it's entirely sad--at least Carol will have the chance to "play mama" again.

Buffy finds a bright spot–at least Carol will get the chance to “play mama” again.

“Sure, play acting is fun,” Bill agrees.

"As long as everybody knows you're play acting."

“As long as everybody knows you’re play acting.”

Commentary

This is a very good episode, with a lot at stake for all the characters.

It also leave more room for interpretation than most episodes.

Trying to figure out Bill's motivations made me as confused as Carol looks here.

Trying to figure out Bill’s motivations made me as confused as Carol looks here.

His comments about “scenes” and “play acting” suggest that he doubts Carol’s long-term intentions. Is her decision to keep acting supposed to make us think his suspicions have been confirmed? If so, it doesn’t work for me. She seemed sincere in her desire to quit acting until he hurt her with a lukewarm response.

Was he ever really serious about Carol? Keith’s laconic performance doesn’t provide many clues.

Was he just too traditional to handle a woman pursuing him? Would marriage to a woman with her own career interests be uncomfortable for him?

Or was Carol overly interested in the “instant family–just add love” aspect of their relationship? (Yes, she actually uses that phrase.)

I am very interested to hear what my readers have to say.

A few other random observations:

  • When Carol joins them for dinner, after Bill escorts her to the table, Jody does the same with Buffy.
When Carol joins them for dinner, after Bill escorts her to the table, Jody does the same with Buffy. This is a cute little moment.

This is a cute little moment.

  • French really seems to enjoy charades.
This might be another in-joke, based on Cabot's two-year Stump the Stars stint.

This might be another in-joke, based on Cabot’s two-year Stump the Stars stint.

  • Carol’s bedtime story features French as a friendly giant who considers the kids his masters. Buffy thinks this is appropriate, since French sometimes calls her brother “Master Jody.”

Guest Cast

Carol Haven: Martha Hyer. Photographer: Ray Ballard. Woman: Helen Eby-Rock. Myron Fox: John Howard. Reporter: Grace Lenard. First Nanny: Gwen Watts Jones. Second Nanny: Nora Marlowe. Hyer was quite a successful film actress with important roles in such films as Battle Hymn, Houseboat, The Best of Everything, and The Sons of Katie Elder. In 1958, She received an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actress in Some Came Running and was considered for the role of Marion Crane in Psycho. During that period in her life, she lived in a drool-worthy Hollywood hills home. (Also check out this sumptuous Life 1959 spread.) At the time of her Family Affair appearance, she had recently married producer Hal B. Wallis; they would remain together until his death in 1986.

John Howard

John Howard

Howard also had a long film career that included roles in Lost Horizon and The Philadelphia Story. He had a recurring role as Dave Welch on Don Fedderson’s other show, My Three Sons. After retiring from acting, he taught English at Highland Hall Waldorf School for 20 years. (Famous alumni include Mackenzie Phillips. I bet she was a joy to have in class.)

Lenard had an uncredited role in Abbott and Costello Go to Mars, in which Hyer appeared. Marlowe had small parts in films ranging from An Affair to Remember to Kitten with a Whip and a recurring role as Flossie on The Waltons. Gwen Watts Jones is a minor mystery, with no IMDb entry.

Continuity Notes

Jody’s sometimes-dead, sometimes-living turtle gets a mention. So does the kids’ mother (who’s always dead).

Notable Quotes

“Whenever you hear someone say, ‘They lived happily ever after,’ it’s the end.”–Buffy

Final Thought

If you haven’t already done so, make sure you check out the recent Family Affair post on Silver Scenes. It has some good comments about this episode.

Family Affair Friday: Season 2, Episode 13, “Somebody Upstairs,” 12/11/1967

Written by: Austin and Irma Kalish. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look on in on the Davis family this week, we find that the kids have just returned from school. The girls soon head back out to visit a neighbor, but Jody stays to talk to Uncle Bill about his grades. It seems he got an A in penmanship but missed four words on his spelling test. Bill tells him to spend more time studying his spelling.

Jody has a better idea--he's try to do worse in penmanship. That way, the teacher won't tell that his words are misspelled.

Jody has a better idea–he’s trying to do worse in penmanship. That way, the teacher can’t tell that his words are misspelled.

Meanwhile, French is concerned because the girls are spending so much time with their upstairs neighbor, Miss London. Bill only knows that she’s an unmarried older women with no children, and he assumes that the girls are helping her with household chores. Kids, Uncle Bill notes, will do housework for other people that they wouldn’t do at home even if they go paid.

Jody, who seems sharper than usual this week, asks how much Uncle Bill is willing to pay.

For that, he earns a hug and playful spanking.

For that, he earns a hug and playful spanking.

And that’s about all we see of Jody this week because it’s time venture upstairs with the girls and meet the new neighbor:

Joan Blondell! Another one of those "I can't believe she was on Family Affair" Family Affair guest stars.

Joan Blondell! Another one of those “I can’t believe she was on Family Affair” guest stars.

In Davis-land, she is Laura London, a Broadway star, and the girls are enchanted by her show business stories–like the time she played Portia in a musical version The Merchant of Venice. (Portia’s “quality of mercy” monologue became a conga number!)

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When she tells them that, as an actress, she has to watch her figure, Buffy proudly proclaims that she will watch her own figure, as soon as she gets one.

Soon the girls have transformed their living space into what French calls an “off-Broadway bedroom.”

They've even turned their puketastic bedspreads into a proscenium arch.

They’ve even turned their puketastic bedspreads into a proscenium arch.

French is not amused, especially when Buffy demands an actress-style dinner–carrots and cottage cheese.

The next day, when he goes upstairs to fetch the girls, he gets a chance to meet Miss London, along with her maid, Ruby. It’s good news/bad news on the diversity front this week. The good news: We finally have an African-American character with a name who gets to utter several lines.

The bad news: She's a "sassy" maid who says things like, "Come on in, who's ever you are!"

The bad news: She’s a “sassy” maid who says things like, “Come on in, who’s ever you are!”

The three have a funny exchange about whether French resembles one of Laura’s former husbands, Stonewall.

“Stonewall was fuzzier,” Ruby argues.

French returns to the Davis apartment filled with disdain for Laura, whom he considers course, loud, and uncultured. But when Bill hears that Miss London is Laura London, he admits to being a fan.

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He recalls paying a week’s salary to see her on Broadway and re-enacts a quick, cute version of her Portia conga.

Bill doesn’t think French has anything to worry about, but he agrees to talk to Laura himself.

During their meeting, Brian Keith gives Bill a convincing fan-boy vibe. I would guess that Keith liked Blondell because you can usually tell when doesn't like guest stars.

During their meeting, Brian Keith gives off Bill a convincing fan-boy vibe. I would guess that Keith liked Blondell because you can usually tell when doesn’t like guest stars.

Meanwhile, the girls are starting to lose their minds. Laura has praised their talent and encouraged them to pursue stage careers as a “sister act.”

Cissy is experimenting with up-dos. (That's actually a good call, I think.)

Cissy is experimenting with up-dos. (That’s actually a good call, I think.)

And Buffy is practicing her autograph, although she can only print it. She’s also thinking about changing her name.

"Buffy doesn't sound very show biz," she says.

“Buffy doesn’t sound very show biz,” she says.

The girls start neglecting their schoolwork and their friends, and French gets a call from Buffy’s teacher about the song Buffy performed during show and tell. It seems that one more chorus of the bawdy lyrics would have caused authorities to raid the school.

If you took a drink every time French rolled his eyes or Bill rubbed his head during this episode, you might not survive for next week's Family Affair Friday.

If you took a drink every time French rolled his eyes or Bill rubbed his head during this episode, you might not survive for next week’s Family Affair Friday.

Buffy thinks her teacher is just a square who couldn’t tell a “backdrop” from a “second banana.”

Soon the problem escalates to the point that Cissy wants to quit school and pursue stardom full-time. Between head-rubs, Bill agrees to watch Buffy and Cissy perform.

In Laura’s apartment, the Davis Sisters (Vicky and Venetia) perform “Let Me Entertain You” from Gypsy.

Mere pictures alone can’t really do justice to this scene.

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Buffy includes some choreography that is almost Toddlers and Tiaras-esque.

Bill looks uncomfortable as well he might.

Bill looks uncomfortable, as well he might.

Stay in school, girls. Stay in school.

Stay in school, girls. Stay in school.

Bill decides to take Laura out to dinner to discuss the situation.

The go to his favorite night spot, natch.

They go to his favorite night spot, natch.

Bill expresses his worry about the girls’ desire to quit school. Laura doesn’t see what the big deal is–she dropped out.

Eventually, he gets her to understand that taking the girls "out of their little world" would be detrimental.

Eventually, he gets her to understand that taking the girls “out of their little world” would be detrimental.

With the girls the next day, Laura lays it on thick about the downside of stardom.

She talks about working so hard from a young age that she had "never been a kid--no laughs, no fun."

She talks about working so hard from a young age that she had “never been a kid–no laughs, no fun.”

It’s hard to watch that scene now without wondering if that’s how Anissa Jones felt about her childhood.

Laura's sudden attitude change puzzles Cissy.

Laura’s sudden attitude change puzzles Cissy, and it causes the girls to do some reflecting.

Later, they talk to Uncle Bill. Cissy and Buffy still plan a stage career–but they will wait until after they finish school.

Hey, Jody's back! And probably wondering what the hell everyone's talking about.

Hey, Jody’s back! And probably wondering what the hell everyone’s talking about.

Bill is so relieved to have this nightmare end that he offers to take the kids out to a movie. When French reminds him that it’s a school night, he rescinds the offer, causing Buffy to utter the line that must appear in every theater-themed classic TV episode: “That’s show biz!”

Then the kids leave the room in the most natural and normal way possible.

Then the kids leave the room in the most natural and normal way possible.

Commentary

Joan Blondell plus a musical number equals a memorable episode (whether you want to remember the musical number or not).

The cheesy show biz lingo gets old pretty fast.

Got to hand it to the set decorators--every apartment in the Davis building is ugly in its own unique way.

Hats off to the set decorators–every apartment in the Davis building is ugly in its own unique way.

Guest Cast

Laura London: Joan Blondell. Ruby: Ernestine Wade. Blondell had a long career in films, mainly in “wisecracking friend of the leading lady” roles in light musicals. Some highlights from her career in the 1930s include Golddiggers of 1933, Footlight Parade and The Crowd Roars. She was once married to Dick Powell. Later, she had more serious roles in such films as Cry Havoc (fellow Family Affair alum Ann Sothern also starred) and the wonderful A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. She had regular roles in the TV series Here Come the Brides and Banyon and played Vi in 1978’s Grease.

Wade played Sapphire Stevens in the TV series Amos and Andy.

Fun Facts

Buffy’s favorite food is southern fried chicken.

Musical Notes

Gypsy–my favorite musical–struck a chord with TV producers. Here are other examples of what happens when Sondheim meets sitcom.

Family Affair Friday (Not!): Season 2, Episode 12, “Our Friend Stanley,” 12/4/1967 (with vintage toy bonus)

Written by: Henry Garson and Edmund Beloin. Directed by: Charles Barton.

This week’s episode begins with French hustling the twins off to school.

In the elevator, they encounter a sad-looking boy clutched protectively by his mother.

In the elevator, they encounter a sad-looking boy clutched protectively by his mother.

Buffy and Jody, firing off a series of questions that embarrass French, learn that Stanley is new to the building and getting ready to attend his first day at their school. They are pleased to learn that Stanley, like them, is in second grade. (Whew! We’ve emerged safely from last week’s time warp.)

They can’t understand, however, why Stanley and his mother are planning to take a taxi to school, rather than walking.

The light finally dawns when they see Stanley walk out of the elevator.

The light begins to dawn on them when they see Stanley walk out of the elevator.

French explains to them that Stanley has a brace on his leg and encourages them to be friendly and helpful to the boy at school.

(Leg braces always intrigued me when I was a kid. I saw them a lot on TV kids but never on any real ones. Apparently, they were frequently used by victims of polio, which was no longer an issue during my childhood–or Buffy’s and Jody’s.)

Oh, and one more thing before we get to the kids' school--we get a Scotty sighting in this episode!

Oh, and one more thing before we get to the kids’ school–we get a Scotty sighting in this episode!

At recess, Buffy notices that Stanley is sitting by himself and tells Jody that they should help him. Jody invites Stanley to play marbles with his multi-racial band of friends, but by the time he convinces Stanley to play, the other boys have moved on to leap-frog. Jody still encourages Stanley to join them.”If you fall, you fall,” he says, noting that all the boys fall sometimes.

I have a bad feeling about this.

I have a bad feeling about this.

With exquisitely bad timing, Stanley’s mother picks this moment to show up at school with Stanley’s sweater.

Now I've got a really bad feeling about this.

Now I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.

Sure enough, Stanley hits the grass, and his mother doesn’t take it well.

She bans Buffy and Jody from playing with Stanley again.

She bans Buffy and Jody from playing with Stanley again.

Well, that’s going to be awkward because meanwhile, back at the apartment building…

...Bill meets up with one of his many, many old friends in the lobby--and this old friend happens to be Stanley's father. (Incidentally, Bill smokes like a chimney throughout this episode.)

…Bill meets up with one of his many, many old friends–and this old friend happens to be Stanley’s father. (Incidentally, Bill smokes like a chimney throughout this episode.)

Doug invites Bill to stop by later to catch up with him and his wife Estelle. Bill’s visit is marked by pained glances between Doug and Estelle when the subject of children comes up. Sheesh, their kid has a leg brace, not that “elephant man” disease! Eventually, Stanley himself appears, and Bill notices how protective Estelle is of her son.

Stanley's apartment has lots of Family Affair green...and what is that table/shelf thing protruding from the wall?

Stanley’s apartment has lots of Family Affair green…and what is that table/shelf thing protruding from the wall?

When he returns to his own apartment for dinner, Bill learns that Estelle has forbidden Stanley to play with Buffy and Jody.

A worried Bill tells French that this situation is bad for the twins as well as for Stanley--in the future, Buffy and Jody might try to avoid people with handicaps.

A worried Bill tells French that this situation is bad for the twins as well as for Stanley–in the future, Buffy and Jody might try to avoid people with handicaps.

He decides to have a man-to-man, smoker-to-smoker talk with Doug.

Doug agrees that Estelle is overprotective, but he is reluctant to intervene.

Doug agrees that Estelle is overprotective, but he is reluctant to intervene.

Eventually, however, he agrees to let Bill take Jody and Stanley to the park for some kite-flying.

Bill couldn't have come up with an activity that doesn't require running?

Bill couldn’t have come up with an activity that doesn’t require running?

Even before they leave for the park, the situation deteriorates. Stanley has some kind of male-ego chip on his shoulder, and he challenges Jody to a fight. Our sweet-natured Jody has no interest in fighting, but Bill encourages the boys to settle their differences through “Indian wrestling.”

We called it arm wrestling when I was a kid, and not for any PC reasons, I'm sure. We weren't very PC about Native Americans back then.

We called it arm wrestling when I was a kid, and not for any PC reasons, I’m sure. We weren’t very PC about Native Americans back then.

Showing her usual flair for timing, Estelle barges in, having learned about the kite-flying outing and wanting to nip it in the bud.

As it turns out, Stanley is an arm-wrestling wizard. When Estelle sees how proud he is to have beaten Jody, she realizes that he needs normal boy experiences.

As it turns out, Stanley is an arm-wrestling wizard. When Estelle sees how proud he is to have beaten Jody, she realizes that he needs normal boy experiences.

Soon, the boys are flying their kites in Central Park.

Buffy, who apparently prefers to sit with Mrs. Beasley, Bill, and Bill's second-hand smoke, expresses her admiration about the way Bill handled the Stanley situation.

Buffy, who prefers to sit with Mrs. Beasley, Bill, and Bill’s second-hand smoke, expresses her admiration about the way Bill handled the Stanley situation.

“I guess you just like kids,” she says.

Awww.

Awww.

Commentary

This is a nice episode, one of many in which Buffy and Jody meet a child who is different from them in some way. Uncle Bill’s opinion, that it’s as important for twins to experience friendship with Stanley as it is for Stanley himself, seems rather progressive.

Another episode highlight: Buffy and Jody teasing Cissy about her latest boyfriend.

Another episode highlight: Buffy and Jody teasing Cissy about her latest boyfriend, Harold, a “tall, skinny guy whose bow tie wiggles up and down when he talks.”

Guest Cast

Stanley: Michael Freeman. Miss Jerome: Ila Britton. Eddie: Gary Dubin. Estelle: Sally Forrest. Scotty: Karl Lukas. Doug: John Lupton.

Michael Freeman was a cutie and an okay child actor, so it’s surprising he didn’t get more work. His most interesting credit is “The Boy Pusher” in the 1973 TV movie Go Ask Alice. (I see the whole movie is available on Youtube. That’s got to be good for some laughs.)

Dubin was Punky Lazaar in several Partridge Family episodes.Recent titles in his filmography suggest that his career has gone in, um, a different direction lately.

Lupton starred in a 1950s Western series called Broken Arrow and a short-lived 1960s daytime soap called Never Too Young. He played Tommy Horton on Days of Our Lives from 1967 to 1980. He appeared in an episode of the Sebastian Cabot series Checkmate and in the 1972 film Napolean and Samantha with Johnnie Whitaker.

John Lupton

John Lupton

Forrest found modest film success in movies directed by Ida Lupino (who would guest star on two Family Affair episodes herself); the first of these was Not Wanted in 1949.

Sally Forrest

Sally Forrest

Inconsistency Alert

The length of Buffy’s pigtails varies from scene to scene–see below and note the length in relation to her ears. They are shorter in her scenes with Uncle Bill; Brian Keith’s abbreviated shooting schedule undoubtedly led to these scenes being shot at a time far removed from the episode’s other scenes.

VTS_01_8.VOB_000104603VTS_01_7.VOB_000622452

Less easy to explain is the way her hair bows change color from red to blue in between leaving the Davis apartment and entering the elevator. Freaky!

VTS_01_7.VOB_000557847VTS_01_7.VOB_000632615

Notable Quotes

“Once in a while, she just stands there and looks at us and says, ‘Why didn’t I become an airline hostess?”–Buffy, describing her teacher.

This Week’s Bonus Feature

I know I’ve been stingy with bonus features lately, but my husband bought me something yesterday that I just had to share.

Family Affair Colorforms, from 1970!

Family Affair Colorforms, from 1970!

This is one of the few Family Affair toys I didn’t have and one that I particularly wanted–I love Jody’s ridiculous expression on the box. Note also that Mrs. Beasley is wearing a red dress, and Cissy appears to be a 35-year-old woman.

On the inside, the likenesses are even worse.

On the inside, the likenesses are even worse.

All the characters except Cissy have separate top and bottom halves, as well as separate arms.

Wiseacre kids must have had fun with this feature, such as by giving Jody a skirt, Bill a weight problem, and French some tiny legs.

Wiseacre kids must have had fun with this feature, such as by giving Jody a skirt, Bill a weight problem, and French some tiny legs.

I actually prefer the Colorforms version of the Davis apartment to the real one.

And Colorforms Buffy and Jody are lucky--they get a dog.

And Colorforms Buffy and Jody are lucky–they get a dog.