“A girl who will use her head and not her lips in securing friends will find that they are the type that she can and may later love.”
Youth’s Courtship Problems, 1940
By Alfred L. Murray
About This Book and Its Author: Christian publishing house Zondervan published this book, the work of a former U.S. Navy chaplain named Alfred L. Murray. Though the book has a Christian viewpoint, it focuses on the way young people relate to each other, rather than their relationship with God. Murray is enthusiastic about the social benefits of dating, though of course he urges a conservative code of behavior.
Murray is fond of anecdotes and expert commentary. (His experts sometimes miss the mark, especially on medical topics. One thinks the frustrations of “petting” can lead to an enlarged prostate.)
This was Murray’s second book on youth courtship, and he wrote other books on various religious topics. He died in 1965, in Seabrook, New Hampshire, where he served as pastor of the Federated Church. He is buried in Arlington National Cemetery.
Fun Fact: Lamar Hunt, an influential figure in American sports, owned a “well thumbed” copy of this book during this college years, according to biographer Michael MacCambridge.
Quotes from Youth’s Courtship Problems
On “Mail-Order Dating”: “I have known at least four girls who, by correspondence, made friends with men whom they had never seen. The correspondence continued until the men proposed and the girls married them. One girl quarreled with her husband, and they separated in a few days. The second was deserted by her lover. The third went out of her mind. The fourth apparently resulted in a happy marriage.”
“Rouged cheeks and reddened lips, highly scented perfume, and bright colored fingernails are artificial and bear testimony that the person who is extravagant in display lacks good judgment and is not real…Any girl who indulges excessively in makeup appears common.”
“The moral collapse of an individual begins the moment he uses the sacred as if it were profane. One who uses the language of a kiss without discrimination is not worthy of intimate friendship…If a kiss is meaningless, what is the guarantee that life will not be judged by the same standards?”
“There is no virtue in staging public caressing parties.” I’ve got to agree with him there.
“That which differentiates necking and petting is that the first has certain powers of restraint and restrictions, while the last is noted for its liberty and license. When the time limit is removed from kissing, and fondling with the hands is introduced, the sexual urge is intensely increased.”
“It is yet too early to determine the meaning of the terms ‘mugging,’ ‘smooching,’ and ‘flinging the woo.’ If one were to guess, he might say that ‘smooching’ is necking; ‘flinging the woo’ is just love play; ‘mugging’ is petting on the heavy side.”
As an alternative to petting: “An interest must be developed in something both can share. It may be reading a book together. The Reader’s Digest will furnish one with sufficient topics to develop into interesting conversations for a date every day of the month.”
“I recently rode from Chicago to Philadelphia on a de luxe ‘crack train’ I could not find a place in the cars where women were not smoking. The were in the Pullman, the diner, and the club car…(The porter) went on to tell me that he used to make the trip and never see a woman smoke. ‘When one did come on, I knew that she was a bad woman, but now most of the women using this train smoke.’”
“I noticed that very few men on that trip were smoking. Those who did went to the lounge room and lit a cigar. The women smoked to excess and without discrimination.” I’ve never smoked in my life. Why does this book make me want to light up?
On marijuana: “It carries him out of the world of reality. But the price for this sensation is the habit, which quickly produces sexual perversion, insanity, and crime. It is the most dangerous drug in America. Those who smoke it will never be socially or morally the same.”
“There is a record of seventeen persons who attended a party, where ‘post office’ was played, having received syphilis infection. There was one infected person at the party. He kissed several girls who in turn were kissed by other fellows. All became victims of the dreaded disease.” In case you’re wondering if it’s really possible to contract syphilis through kissing—apparently, yes.
“The girl that men like has intelligence, but she does not make a display of it.”
“When a man speaks harsh words, he is reflecting his thinking, but a woman who ‘flies off’ or appears irritated is expressing her feelings. Do not, therefore, take her little acts of unkindness too seriously. These are but emotional, not mental, reactions.”
“Women have a way of admiring the man they fear—fear because of his greatness.”
“Avoid all types of street conversations unless you are moving. It is the mark of poor breeding to stand on a street corner and carry on a conversation.”
Read the whole Weird Words of Wisdom series!