Family Affair Flashback: Season 3, Episode 26, “The Matter of Dignity,” 3/31/1969

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I apologize for the unplanned hiatus from my Family Affair series. Health issues and a hectic day job put blogging on a back burner for a while. To increase the frequency of these posts, I am trying to cut back on their length, which has ballooned considerably since I started the series (and surely pushes into tl;dr category at times). Also, I’ve changed the series name to abandon the pretext that these posts will always appear on Fridays. I hope to bring them to you every week or two, on whatever day I get the chance.

Teleplay by: Peggy Chantler Dick and John McGreevey. Story by: Peggy Chantler Dick and Douglas Dick. Directed by Charles Barton.

As we open, French is entertaining a fellow gentleman’s gentleman, Alfred Dimsdale. French’s digs impress his old friend.

"This establishment has style," he says. "It's not quite Glenmore Castle, but..."

“This establishment has style,” Dimsdale says. “It’s not quite Glenmore Castle, but…”

He also admires the way French manages the Davis children.

Especially when French opens the door to this.

Especially when French opens the door to this.

The caller’s name is Gopher Resnick, and he has come to see Cissy.

Pay particular attention to the young man's lack of footwear. Walking around the sidewalks of Manhattan in bare feet? Eww.

Pay particular attention to the young man’s lack of footwear. Walking around the sidewalks of Manhattan in bare feet? Eww.

“Whistle for the little bird, man,” Gopher orders French. “I’m ready to fly.”

Such a charmer.

“Is it possible that this Gopher proposes to escort you to a public place?” French asks when Cissy arrives on the scene.

“Is it possible that this Gopher proposes to escort you to a public place?” French asks when Cissy arrives on the scene.

No shirt, no shoes, no date with Cissy, is French’s motto.

“You got something against feet, man?” an aggrieved Gopher asks.

In response, we get an all-time great Frenchism: “Not in their proper place, no. The cradle, the seashore, or the shower.”

In response, we get an all-time great Frenchism: “Not in their proper place, no. The cradle, the seashore, or the shower.”

When Gopher asks if French is “for real,” French assures him he is as real as the Davis front door–which he then closes in his face.

Luckily, Cissy is relieved because she didn't want to go out with Gopher anyway.

Cissy is relieved because she didn’t want to go out with Gopher anyway.

I would have lost all respect for her if she felt otherwise.

Alfred leaves soon after Gopher, but not before meeting Bill and letting him know that he's looking for a position in New York.

Alfred leaves soon after Gopher, but not before meeting Bill and letting him know that he’s looking for a position in New York.

We next see Bill in his office, where he has apparently acquired a new secretary.

Or, judging by her robotic manner of speaking, he has built one.

Or, judging by the secretary’s robotic manner of speaking, built one.

She gives him his mail, which includes this shocking missive:

Oh, my.

At home, Bill shows the letter to French.

French apologizes to Bill, but Bill says there's no need--the letter is obviously the work of a "sick mind."

French apologizes to Bill, but Bill says there’s no need–the letter is obviously the work of a “sick mind.”

The sick mind is soon at work again.

This time Cissy is the recipient of its ravings.

This time Cissy is the recipient of its ravings.

She heads straight to Uncle Bill, who informs her about the letter he received.

Cissy has a hunch about the culprit.

Cissy has a hunch about the culprit.

She thinks the shoeless wonder felt disrespected by French and is trying to get him fired.

Nobody puts Gopher in a corner, I guess.

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Cissy heads to what is obviously the hippie section of Central Park.

But Gopher has only a vague recollection of French as “the cat with the beaver and the hangup about shoes.”

He’s been preoccupied thinking about his new girlfriend, Jenny.

She's a better match for him than Cissy would be, certainly.

She’s a better match for him than Cissy would be, certainly.

Meanwhile, Bill is putting his number one suspect to the test.

He offers Dimsdale French's position, adding that rumors from England have persuaded him to dismiss French.

He offers Dimsdale French’s position, adding that rumors from England have persuaded him to dismiss French.

Dimsdale urges Bill to ignore rumors and turns down the job–he only like children from a distance and wants to work for an uncomplicated bachelor.

That let’s him off the hook.

At home, Jody gets the mail and lets Buffy open an unaddressed, unstamped letter. Cissy enters the room as Buffy is reading it.

When Buffy asks her what "set his cap" means, Cissy reacts with such shock that you'd think Buffy asked her to explain "throbbing member" or something.

When Buffy asks her what “set his cap” means, Cissy reacts with such shock that you’d think Buffy asked her to explain “throbbing member” or something.

This third letter is more detailed in its accusations.

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Showing the letter to French, Cissy bubbles with anger about the person spreading lies.

To her surprise, French says the message is true.

To her surprise, French says the message is true.

Lord Glenmore did dismiss him with cause. He was lucky that Bill hired him shortly thereafter on the basis of an interview, without checking references.

Cissy's opinion of French takes such a nosedive that she doesn't want him to take the twins to the park--she insists on taking them herself.

Cissy’s opinion of French takes such a nosedive that she doesn’t want him to take the twins to the park–she insists on taking them herself.

Just how young is she imagining that “Lord Glenmore’s young daughter” was?

At the park, she runs into Miss Faversham and Alfred Dimdale's sister Alice, another nanny.

At the park, she runs into Miss Faversham and Alfred Dimdale’s sister Alice, another nanny.

When they ask where French is, Cissy says she’s going to be taking more responsibility for the children.

(As a knitter myself, I watched this scene closely to see if Heather Angel is actually knitting. She’s doing something with the needles, but it looks awkward.)

At home, Cissy pours her heart out to Bill.

At home, Cissy pours her heart out to Bill.

“What kind of man is Mr. French?” she wonders.

Bill replies that French is intelligent and honest, and that there has to be more to the Glenmore story than it seems.

They get interrupted by the twins, who have sensed how worried Bill and Cissy are.

They get interrupted by the twins, who have sensed how worried French, Bill and Cissy are.

They are tired of being told that nothing is wrong.

Bill says that three people worrying is enough for one family, so they should let the older people handle it. The twins agree and secure Bill’s promise to tell them when it’s time to start worrying.

Bill goes to see French and listens as his French confirms again that the letter is true. When French offers to quit, Bill goes into mock-annoyed mode.

"Don't start talking about leaving!" he grumbles.

“Don’t start talking about leaving!” he grumbles.

He lets French know that he still doesn’t believe the letter writer. French, who is obviously moved by him employer’s faith in him, says that is his privilege.

Bill then joins a still-brooding Cissy for another conversation.

She feels like there are two Mr. Frenches, and she wishes he would prove that the good French they've known all along is the real one.

She feels like there are two Mr. Frenches. She wishes French would prove that the good one  they’ve known all along is the real one.

That’s exactly what French won’t do, Bill says:”If he has to prove himself to keep your respect, your respect isn’t worth anything to him.”

Chastened, Cissy finds French and apologizes to him.

She thanks him for being the kind of person he is--and for being "very tolerant of emotional teenage girls."

She thanks him for being the kind of person he is–and for being “very tolerant of emotional teenage girls.”

Now that French feels trusted, he’s willing to tell Bill and Cissy the whole story.

Lord Glenmore’s shy and overprotected daughter Evelyn had hardly any contact with men. She enjoyed talking to French about books and eventually believed herself to be in love with him.

"I was younger then and my figure a bit trimmer," he explains sheepishly.

“I was younger then and my figure a bit trimmer,” he explains sheepishly.

He and Lord Glenmore were afraid that if French merely quit, Evelyn would continue to pine for him. Instead, they cooked up a story that French was a married cad scheming to extort money from his employer.

Things turned out okay for Evelyn, who is now happily married with a lovely family.

That rules her out. So who wrote the letters?

French says he's known all along that it was Alice Dimsdale.

French says he’s known all along it was Alice Dimsdale.

Alice probably feels it’s her duty to protect Cissy and the children, he says.

The next day, French is back on park duty.

When Alice expresses surprise that he's still taking care of the children, he returns her letters.

When Alice expresses surprise that he’s still taking care of the children, he returns her letters with thanks.

“They served a purpose–oh, not necessarily the one you had in mind,” he crows.

Then he joins a beaming Miss F to share what he calls "in every way, an exceptional day."

Then he joins a beaming Miss F to share what he calls “in every way, an exceptional day.”

Aww.

Commentary

This episode fills in a crucial hole in French’s back story–how he made his way from a British castle to a New York bachelor pad.

A mystery is always fun, although I feel confused about Alice’s motives. French’s explanation that she was protecting the children makes it sound like she doesn’t know the true story. His confrontation of her in the park, however, suggests that he ascribes malice to her actions. I suppose the details don’t matter, since this episode is really about French’s need to feel trusted by the Davis family.

I enjoy the scene where Buffy and Jody express frustration when no one will tell them what’s wrong. It’s realistic for kids to pick up on tension, and Bill handles the situation well.

There’s a slight oddity in the final park scene–Buffy, Jody and French talk about a game Jody invented called “I Know.” It seems to be a followup to an earlier conversation, one we didn’t see.

Even by their standards, the twins seem overdressed. Buffy looks like she's going to see a performance of The Nutcracker.

Also even by their standards, the twins are overdressed. Buffy looks like she’s going to a performance of The Nutcracker.

Guest Cast

Miss Faversham: Heather Angel. Miss Grayson: Annette Cabot. Alfred Dimsdale: David Montresor. Alice Dimsdale: Irene Tedrow. Gopher: Gary Tigerman.

According to a bio of Irene Tedrow, “Her features grew more severe with age, which ultimately typed her as puritanical meddlers and no-nonsense matrons.”

She was certainly playing to type as Alice.

She was certainly playing to type as Alice.

Before TV, she was active in radio, with a regular role on Meet Corliss Archer and frequent appearances on such shows as Suspense, Family Theater, and Crime Classics. She worked steadily in television throughout the 1980s; her more memorable appearances include playing Aunt Martha on an episode of Leave it to Beaver—and reprising the role in twice on the 1980s comeback series—and attending two of Mary’s disastrous parties as Congresswoman Margaret Geddes on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. She had a recurring role as Mrs. Elkins on Dennis the Menace. She appeared once on Sebastian Cabot’s earlier series Checkmate and crossed professional paths with Brian Keith in The Parent Trap (her role was tiny and uncredited) and Centennial.

Gary Tigerman’s screen career was short—Oggo the Caveboy on Lost in Space was probably his best role—but his life has gone in interesting directions. He served jail time for refusing to serve in Vietnam, and after his release he got involved in music and songwriting and later wrote a sci-fi novel, The Orion Project.

David Montresor didn’t have much of a screen career. His most intriguing credit is the 1960 Italian-made sci-fi film Space Man, a.k.a. Assignment Outer Space.

Family Affair Friday(ish): Season 3, Episode 25, “The Flip Side,” March 25, 1969

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Written by: Roy Kammerman. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We open with a TV show within a TV show.

This guy is singing a song with lyrics that include, "I never shave or comb my hair, but I do think of her."

We’re watching a guy sing a song with lyrics that include, “I never shave or comb my hair, but I do think of her.”

(Interestingly, this actor had a minor hit years earlier with a song called “Ain’t Gonna Wash for a Week.” Hygiene was an issue for him, apparently.)

So, why are we watching him?

Because Cissy and this guy with a beard are sitting in a Family-Affair-green office and watching him.

Because Cissy and the singer’s bearded manager are sitting in a Family-Affair-green office and watching him, too.

Cissy has somehow got the chance to interview the teen heartthrob for her high school newspaper.

When Charlie enters the room, Cissy compliments him on his TV performance. He jokes that his band hit a few clinkers but the audience probably just thought it was a modern arrangement.

As we will see throughout this episode, Charlie is the world's most self-effacing pop star.

As we will see throughout this episode, Charlie is the world’s most self-effacing pop star.

He’s also straightforward when interviewed.

Our budding Rona Barrett leads off by asking him if he's in love.

Our budding Rona Barrett leads off by asking him if he’s in love.

Yes, he says, “with whatever girl I’m talking to at the moment.”

The full implications of this remark go whizzing right past Cissy's head, especially when he adds that she's pretty.

The full implications of this remark go whizzing right over Cissy’s head, especially when he adds that she’s pretty.

Back at home, the twins are building a block tower, and Buffy's predicting that it will fall if it get's any taller.

Back at home, the twins are building a block tower, and Buffy’s predicting that it will fall if it gets any taller.

Jody disagrees, but Buffy turns out to be correct, proving once again that she’s the brains in this duo.

"You weakened the lateral resistance," Uncle Bill observes to Jody.

“You weakened the lateral resistance,” Uncle Bill observes to Jody.

Sigh–I love it when he talks physics.

A euphoric Cissy breezes in and starts squeeing about Charlie.

A euphoric Cissy breezes in and starts squeeing about Charlie.

Bill and the twins don’t know who Charlie is. With an eye roll, Cissy informs them that he’s the only Charlie in the world–Charlie Higgins of Charlie and the Unsung Heroes.

That rings a bell for Buffy--she's familiar with his song "Let's Go Swinging in My Yellow Submarine with a Purple Balloon."

That rings a bell for Buffy–she’s familiar with his song “Let’s Go Swinging in My Yellow Submarine with a Purple Balloon.”

Cissy tells Bill that Charlie asked her out for a date. Bill asks if this isn’t rather sudden, but she assures him that it’s a great honor to get an invitation from Charlie Higgins. He then asks if Charlie isn’t a little “sophisticated” for her, but she insists he’s sweet and shy.

Brian Keith adopts some great facial expressions in this scene.

I love Brian Keith’s facial expressions in this scene.

Cissy goes on to say that 19 girls fainted when Charlie played Madison Square Garden.

"If you like him, I'll like him," Bill says, though he slips in a "Maybe" under his breath.

“If you like him, I’ll like him,” Bill says, though he slips in a “Maybe” under his breath.

After Cissy leaves, Buffy announces that she’d like to skip her teenage years–she doesn’t want to be so excitable.

A cute line, but it causes me a painful wince thinking about Anissa Jones' future.

A cute line, but it makes me wince when I think about Anissa Jones’ future.

When Charlie shows up, his dress and manners are so conservative that even French can’t find fault.

When Charlie shows up, his dress and manners are so conservative that even French can't find fault with him.

“Hey, you sound English,” Charlie says, adding in his disarming style. “That’s kind of what we speak back in St. Louis but not really.”

(French gives a weird response: “I spent several years in Mayfair in service.” Makes it sound like he isn’t English but picked up the accent while working in London.)

Talking with Bill, Charlies continues in a humble vein.

Two years ago, he'd never even seen the inside of such a posh apartment, he admits.

Two years ago, he’d never even seen the inside of such a posh apartment.

“Now, I’m visiting like I belong here,” he says in astonishment.

When Bill notes how quickly Charlie achieved fame, Charlie shows that he’s fully aware of a teen idol’s short shelf-life.

"I could be a has-been at 20," he laments.

“I could be a has been at 20,” he laments.

(Around this point, I start to wonder if he’s not just but humble but clinically depressed.)

When Buffy averts her eyes from their guest to avoid fainting, Charlie even admits that his manager pays to "faint" at his concerts.

When Buffy averts her eyes from their guest to avoid fainting, Charlie even admits that his manager pays girls to “faint” at his concerts.

When the twins ask him how you write a song, he says you have to start with something beautiful…

...like Cissy.

…like Cissy.

Bill’s impressed enough that he gives the couple permission to go out. Charlie asks when he should have Cissy home, and Bill says 11 o’clock since it’s a school night.

He actually gets her home one minute early, which pleases French.

Charlie actually gets Cissy home one minute early, which pleases French.

Cissy’s predictably ecstatic about her evening. Fans overran the place they’d planned to go, so Cissy and Charlie got hot dogs and sneaked into a movie theater balcony.

He’s invited her out again, to a party this time, and Bill gives his blessing.

Later, he wonders aloud to French about what Cissy will do when Charlie moves on.

Later, he wonders aloud to French about what Cissy will do when Charlie moves on.

When party night arrives, Buffy and Jody watch Cissy get ready.

They tell her they like Charlie and don't mind if she marries him.

They tell her they like Charlie and don’t mind if she marries him.

The whole family seems excited about the date.

Bill gives Cissy a pair of sparkly clip-on earrings.

Bill gives Cissy a pair of sparkly clip-on earrings.

“May I venture to say that Master Charlie is a very lucky young man?” French asks as Cissy is leaving.

You may...but it sounds a little creepy.

You may…but it sounds a little creepy.

When the doorbell rings, Buffy and Jody want to rush out and see Charlie, but Bill asks if they wouldn’t rather let Cissy have a moment alone with him.

"Not particularly," Buffy answers, which leads into this week's twin hug scene.

“Not particularly,” Buffy answers, which leads into this week’s obligatory hug.

So what does a 1969 rock star party look like?

A lot of neatly dressed people sitting around on sofas, apparently.

A lot of neatly dressed people sitting around on sofas, apparently.

Charlie gets out his guitar and announces that’s he’s written a new song. Everyone can listen, but he’ll really be singing it for Cissy.

As the party guests bob their heads and tap their feet, he launches into the ballad he wrote just for her.

As the party guests bob their heads and tap their feet, he launches into the ballad he wrote just for her.

It’s a lucky thing for him that “Cissy” rhymes with “kiss me.”

Sample lyrics: "My world is aglow/My actions must show that I'm in love."

Sample lyrics: “My world is aglow/My actions must show that I’m in love.”

Listening, Cissy looks slightly pained--probably not the expression Kathy Garver was going for, but oh-so-appropriate nonetheless.

Listening, Cissy looks slightly pained–probably not the feeling Kathy Garver was going for, but appropriate nonetheless.

(The guests' expressions crack me up, too.)

(The guests’ expressions crack me up, too.)

When we next see Cissy, she really is pained. Charlie’s moved on to Boston and hasn’t been in touch for weeks. He didn’t even send a thank-you note when she sent him some cookies that French baked.

Buffy and Jody show a surprising passive-aggressive streak, torturing Cissy with comments like "Friends usually write" and "It doesn't take long to say thank you."

Buffy and Jody show a surprising passive-aggressive streak, torturing Cissy with comments like “Friends usually write” and “It doesn’t take long to say thank you.”

A letter from Charlie does arrive later that day–a form letter.

It even has blank space to fill in whatever gift Charlie is thanking the recipient for. Ouch.

It even has blank space to fill in whatever gift Charlie is thanking the recipient for. Ouch.

Cissy is sure that Charlie never even saw her letters or he would have replied personally. Bill tries to point out gently that Charlie would have written to her if he really cared about her, but Cissy still makes excuses for him.

“I was with him for two whole evenings, and I know how much I meant to him,” she says.

As a parent, hearing that statement might make me want to pry a little deeper into what went on those evenings.

He calls his office and orders Miss Grayson to track down Charlie or his manager in Boston.

In Bill’s case, though, it spurs him to action. He calls his office and orders Miss Grayson to track down Charlie or his manager in Boston.

Miss Grayson, huh? Did Miss Lee quit because she was tired of thankless assignments like this?

They get Charlie's phone number, but Cissy can't convince his secretary to put her through.

They get Charlie’s phone number, but Cissy can’t convince Charlie’s secretary to put her through.

The most the secretary will do is offer to ship her a free copy of “Cissy, My Love.” (Apparently, Charlie is offering it free to any girl named Cissy…so basically Cissy Houston and Bobby’s dance partner from the Lawrence Welk Show?)

Bill and Cissy won't give up. Through a complicated chain of connections, Bill makes contact with Charlie and takes Cissy to Boston to see him.

Bill and Cissy won’t give up. Through a complicated chain of connections, Bill makes contact with Charlie and takes Cissy to Boston to see him.

She gets cold feet when the moment arrives, so she asks Bill to meet Charlie first and see if he’s still interested.

Charlie's as pleasant and earnest as ever, but he's clearly not pining for Cissy.

Charlie’s as pleasant and earnest as ever, but he’s clearly not pining for Cissy.

He doesn’t even seem to feel awkward about introducing Bill to Pamela, the girl he’s writing a song for now.

That's going to be a challenge. "You make my heart go wham-ela?" "Don't let this be a sham-ela?"

That’s going to be a challenge. “You make my heart go wham-ela?” “Don’t let this be a sham-ela?”

(Pamela’s last name is Grayson, which makes me think that the writer just got confused when he had Bill refer to his secretary as Miss Grayson.)

Bill has to give Cissy the bad news that she’s “not exactly the love of (Charlie’s) life.”

In addition to feeling sad, Cissy is sorry that Bill spent so much time and energy helping her through a teenage romance "that's not really important to anyone."

In addition to feeling sad, Cissy is sorry that Bill spent so much time and energy helping her through a teenage romance “that’s not really important to anyone.”

“It’s important to you,” Bill replies.

Aww.

Aww.

Fortunately, it’s easy for Bill to cheer Cissy up. Since, like him, she goes for any halfway-presentable member of the opposite sex, he just brings home the son of a visiting business associate.

He asks Cissy to show Steve around the city. It's a school night, but he says missing a little sleep won't hurt her.

Bill asks Cissy to show Steve around the city. It’s a school night, but he says missing a little sleep won’t hurt her.

(Strangely, we never get a direct look at Steve’s face. Maybe producers thought the actor looked too old for Cissy, although he’s really only a year older than the actor playing Charlie.)

In the end, everyone's happy, including Buffy and Jody.

In the end, everyone’s happy, including Buffy and Jody.

They’ve started a second-grade fan club for Charlie, and now they can wear their club buttons again without Cissy bursting into tears.

Commentary

I always love a good Cissy episode! Bill’s the ultimate fantasy father for a teenage girl–dashing, sensitive, rich, and perfectly willing to use all his resources to further Cissy’s romance with a rock star.

Once again, Family Affair avoids the extremes that other shows might go for. Maybe it’s the years I spent watching Very Special Episodes of 1980s sitcoms, but I expect a pop star who’s so polite to adults to turn into a rape-drug-wielding monster when he gets a girl alone. Charlie is a perfectly nice guy who told Cissy right from the start how seriously she should take his attentions. It’s not his fault she didn’t listen.

Fun fact: Kathy Garver got a writing credit on "Cissy, My Love."

Kathy Garver got a writing credit on “Cissy, My Love.”

(Not sure who Richard Simon was, but Gary LeMel had an interesting career.)

Guest Cast

McGregor: Warren Berlinger. Charlie Higgins: Eddie Hodges. Pamela: Patricia Lee. Steve: Thomas Ormenyi.

Warren Berlinger, a nephew of Milton Berle, was in the original Broadway cast of Annie Get Your Gun. Later he appeared in Neil Simon’s first play, Come Blow Your Horn and both the stage and screen versions of Blue Denim. He popped up all over TV in the 1970s and 1980s. He also had Disney connections, with roles in Herbie the Love Bug and The Shaggy D.A. In 1965, he played Oscar Kilroy in a four-episode arc on Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color. That year, he also appeared in Billie, a ridiculous movie that I highly recommend to classic TV fans–what a cast.

Warren Berlinger

                          Warren Berlinger

Eddie Hodges also got his start on Broadway, playing Winthrop Paroo in the original cast of The Music Man. His first film role came in 1959’s A Hole in the Head; he and co-star Frank Sinatra sang “High Hopes” together. The next year, he starred in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn on the big screen before transitioning mostly into television roles. Like Berlinger, he appeared in Disney films–in Hodges’ case, Summer Magic and The Happiest Millionaire. He also had a modest recording career in the 1960s. You can find a lot of his songs on Youtube. You can even find a clip him performing on Swedish TV in the 1990s, and he doesn’t sound bad. In the years after this Family Affair episode, he quit show business and focused on his education, earning bachelor’s and master’s degrees and building a new career as a mental health counselor.

I think Thomas Ormenyi became this Tom Ormeny, who is active in Los Angeles theater and has made appearances on shows such as Gray’s Anatomy and Mad Men.

Family Affair Friday(ish): Season 3, Episode 24, “Speak for Yourself, Mr. French,” 3/17/1969

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Written by: Edmund Beloin and Henry Garson. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Before we dive into this week’s episode, I wanted to alert Family Affair fans that Kathy Garver has written a memoir called Surviving Cissy. It will be published in September and is available now for pre-order on Amazon. Check it out!

We open this week in the park, as Mr. French reminds Jody about an upcoming dental appointment.

Jody hopes he'll get his with a ball in the park so his loose tooth will come out. Then the dentist won't have to pull it.

Jody hopes he’ll get hit by a ball in the park so his loose tooth will come out. Then the dentist won’t have to pull it.

French assures Jody that the dentist won’t be pulling any teeth–he’ll only be checking Jody’s bite.

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“Bite him good,” Buffy urges.

(She has a bit of a biting fixation–remember her early encounter with French?)

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That night at dinner, Bill reproves Jody for not eating his meat.

Jody claims his mouth hurts too much from the dentist, but Cissy disputes this.

The dentist only made a wax impression of Jody's teeth, she says. Any pain Jody's in is purely psychosomatic.

The dentist only made a wax impression of Jody’s teeth, she says. Any pain is purely psychosomatic.

Someone’s been paying attention in psychology class again, I see.

The word "psychosomatic" leaves the twins predictable clueless.

The word “psychosomatic” leaves the twins predictable clueless.

"It's all in your head," Cissy explains.

“It’s all in your head,” Cissy explains.

Of course it’s all in his head, Jody agrees–that’s where his teeth are. Ba-dum-bump.

Somehow, the conversation shifts to Cissy’s intention to become a nurse. That surprises Bill, who notes that she wanted to be an actress the week before. (Cissy’s very practical plan is to become a nurse, then use her nursing salary to put herself through dramatic school.)

Buffy announces that she wants to be a secretary, which finally leads us into this week’s main story.

Buffy wants to be like Miss Travers, a pretty young secretary that French met in the park that day.

Buffy wants to be like Miss Travers, a pretty young secretary that French met in the park that day.

French explains to Bill that Miss Travers recognized the twins’ names when she heard French talking to them. She’s a secretary at a construction company, and her boss is an acquaintance of Bill’s.

Well, Buffy and Jody are rather odd names, so I guess that makes sense.

Bill's attempts to recall Miss Travers to mind are amusing. Is she the one that's very short  and a little too...?

Bill’s attempts to recall Miss Travers to mind are amusing. Is she the one that’s very short and a little too…?

He gestures with his hands, ever so briefly, in the way that conveys the ampleness of the female form.

Oh no, French replies, in a slightly salacious and un-French-like way. Emily Travers is not "too" anything--she's just right.

Oh no, French replies, in a slightly salacious and un-French-like way. Emily Travers is not “too” anything–she’s just right.

Bill finally remembers her as an attractive blond with blue eyes, but French says they are aquamarine–“the limip hue one associates with tropical reefs in the Caribbean.”

Picking up on French's infatuation with Miss Travers, Cissy says she wishes a boyfriend would describe her eyes so poetically.

Picking up on French’s infatuation with Miss Travers, Cissy says she wishes a boyfriend would describe her eyes so poetically.

Buffy adds to French’s embarrassment by observing that he and Emily shook hands for a long time before parting.

“I don’t know which one was holding on,” she says. “Maybe both.”

As usual, Bill finds some amusement in French's discomfort.

As usual, Bill takes some amusement in French’s discomfort.

Next, we find ourselves back in the park, this time with the British servant contingent.

French's encounter with Emily has already become gossip fodder for them.

French’s encounter with Emily has already become gossip fodder for them.

“He’s quite crackers about the young woman,” Mr. Tyburn burbles, noting that she is half French’s age.

"Let him chase her--he'll never catch her," a smug Hardcastle says.

“Let him chase her–he’ll never catch her,” a smug Hardcastle says.

Quick to defend her friend, Miss Faversham says she heard Miss Travers was doing the chasing. Tyburn and Hardcastle decide then that Miss Travers must be frumpy–“thick glasses and flat shoes.”

After Miss Faversham leaves, French comes along and endures some teasing from his frenemies.

After Miss Faversham leaves, French comes along and endures some teasing from his frenemies.

They aren’t laughing for long, though, because the woman in question soon makes an appearance.

Well, here she is--the long-awaited Emily.

Well, here she is–the long-awaited Emily.

French and Emily walk on, leaving behind two stunned butlers.

"They say that love is blind, but this is ridiculous," Hardcastle grumbles.

“They say that love is blind, but this is ridiculous,” Hardcastle grumbles.

Later, Bill comes home to wait for a long-distance business call and encounters Cissy.

He compliments her on cute outfit.

He compliments her on a cute outfit.

(I don’t think I share his opinion.)

She’s heading off to the library to study psychology with a cute boy, Freddie. She gets insulted, though, when Bill assumes that Freddie is her main focus, rather than studying.

"Freddie is incidental," she says, none to convincingly.

“Freddie is incidental,” she says, none to convincingly.

After she leaves, it’s not long before Bill hears a knock at the door.

It's Emily, ostensibly looking for French and bearing a present for Buffy and Jody.

It’s Emily, ostensibly looking for French and bearing a present for Buffy and Jody.

(The wardrobe in this scene makes it fitting that this episode first aired on St. Patrick’s Day.)

French and the kids are out, but Bill invites Emily in to talk for a few minutes.

She passes the present along to Bill and tells him how much she likes the children. Jody is "all boy," but so polite, and Buffy is adorable.

She passes the present along to Bill and tells him how much she likes the children. Jody is “all boy,” but so polite, and Buffy is adorable.

Bill deflects credit for their politeness, saying manners are French’s department.

Ignoring the reference to French, Emily gushes that she has admired Bill from a distance for years.

Ignoring the reference to French, Emily gushes that she has admired Bill from a distance for years.

He’s surprised, but she tells him how impressive it is that a busy professional like him with no parenting experience took on the job of raising three children.

Modestly, Bill says that he and French do all right with the kids.

Modestly, Bill says that he and French do all right with the kids.

(It’s nice how he considers French a co-parent.)

Sometimes, they probably need a woman’s touch around the house, Bill admits.

He's not flirting, although it may read that way on paper.

He’s not flirting, although it may read that way on paper.

“Maybe someday you’ll find just the right girl,” Emily replies.

Now, she's definitely flirting.

Now, she’s definitely flirting.

Oh, dear.

When French and the kids return, Emily is gone. The twins play with her gift, a game of quoits.

When French and the kids return, Emily is gone. The twins play with her gift, a game of quoits.

(That’s not a term I’m familiar with. I would have called it ring-toss, I guess.)

French takes a moment to talk to Bill about Emily. He asks whether Bill finds it odd that such a young and attractive girl is interested in him.

French takes a moment to talk to Bill about Emily. He asks whether Bill finds it odd that such a young and attractive girl is interested in him.

Bill assures French that many women prefer older men.

Relieved, French decided to ask Emily to accompany him to the theater for an outing with the British gang to see The Barretts of Wimpole Street.

Emily enjoys the play, finding that the traditional British reserve conceals a strong romantic streak.

Emily enjoys the play, finding that the traditional British reserve conceals a strong romantic streak.

(Tyburn, for his part, faults the play for “far too much display of sentiment.”)

When French leaves to get Emily some orangeade, Emily chats with Miss Faversham.

Miss F, who's feeling protective and perhaps a bit jealous, tries to suss out Emily's feelings for French.

Miss F tries to suss out Emily’s feelings for French.

Emily says she admires his style, which must have come from being around rich and sophisticated people so much.

Miss F notes that "working among them" would be a more accurate description.

Miss F notes that “working among them” would be a more accurate description.

Nevertheless, Emily responds, French has traveled the world. She herself has been nowhere.

She wants to see the world, but not as a tourist, she explains. She wants to be one of the beautiful people--like Mr. Davis' friends.

She wants to see the world, but not as a tourist, she explains. She wants to be one of the beautiful people–like Mr. Davis’ friends.

Of course it’s not possible on a secretary’s salary, she adds.

"Well, you're young yet," Miss F observes drily, and Emily replies that she plans to make the most of it.

“Well, you’re young yet,” Miss F observes drily. Emily agrees–and says she plans to make the most of it.

Returning from the theater, Miss F meets Bill in the apartment building lobby.

She asks Bill what he thinks of Emily. Typically taciturn, he only says that she seems nice and pretty.

She asks Bill what he thinks of Emily. Typically taciturn, he only says that she seems nice and pretty.

She says she thinks French is falling in love with the girl, and Bill admits that wouldn’t surprise him.

Miss F claims that her womanly intuition gives her a bad feeling about Emily's motives.

Miss F claims that her womanly intuition gives her a bad feeling about Emily’s motives.

She’s afraid Emily doesn’t care one bit about French. “Isn’t it possible,” she asks, “that she isn’t after the gentleman’s gentleman, but after the gentleman?”

Bill finds this conversation all kinds of awkward.

Bill finds this conversation all kinds of awkward.

He seems to take it to heart, however.

Later, French returns bubbling with enthusiasm about Emily and the passion they share for Browning and Keats.

Later, French returns bubbling with enthusiasm about Emily and the passion they share for Browning and Keats.

The next day, Bill pays a visit to Emily’s office.

He tells her he feels unsure about what he wants to say and hopes he doesn't come across as a "fathead."

He tells her he feels unsure about what he wants to say and hopes he doesn’t come across as a “fathead.”

You can feel Emily’s hopes rising that he’s about to make some kind of pass.

Instead, he begins to quiz her about her feelings for French.

Instead, he quizzes her about her feelings for French.

When she’s vague, he tells her how happy French has been since meeting her. Emily wonders why that’s a bad thing.

French is way up on a cloud, Bill says. If he falls off, it will be a long drop.

Emily says she considers French her friend, like Buffy and Jody and Cissy.

Emily says she considers French her friend, like Buffy and Jody and Cissy.

(Hey, when did she meet Cissy?)

Bill says French is much more serious. He wouldn’t be surprised if he starts shopping for a ring soon. How would that make Emily feel?

“Flattered,” is all she can come up with.

When Bill asks where that leaves French, a chastened Emily says, "Nowhere, Mr. Davis."

When Bill asks where that leaves French, a chastened Emily says, “Nowhere, Mr. Davis.”

She promises she won’t let things get that far, and a relieved Bill tells her he thinks she’s okay. She says she’s not so sure.

Later, French is waiting around the park for another chance to see Emily.

Later, French is waiting around the park for another chance to see Emily.

He’s been there so long that Buffy and Jody are bored and want to leave and do their homework.

When he's just about given up, he finally sees Emily coming.

When he’s just about given up, he finally sees Emily approaching.

(She loves that green suit, doesn’t she?)

She wastes no time in telling him that she won't be seeing him again. She doesn't want to give explanations and hopes he'll accept this as final.

She wastes no time in telling him that she won’t be seeing him again. She doesn’t want to give explanations and hopes he’ll accept this as final.

Heartbroken but ever-the-gentleman, French does so.

At home, French tells Bill what happened and conjectures that Emily found someone else.

At home, French tells Bill what happened and conjectures that Emily found someone else.

Bill comforts him by saying that while it hurts now, he will soon recover.

French surprises Bill by saying that, on the contrary, he feels wonderful--he's just had the best week of his life.

French surprises Bill by saying that, on the contrary, he feels wonderful–he’s just had the best week of his life.

Commentary

This isn’t the kind of episode that would have appealed to me as a child. The kids’ roles are incidental (like Freddie), and the script’s light on humor. Surprisingly, we don’t even get many good Frenchisms. But as an adult what I most appreciate is the episode’s restraint. Other shows might have gone for melodrama, making a Emily a conniving femme fatale and having French undergo the humiliation of discovering her true motives. Instead, Emily comes across as young and misguided. Leslie Parrish’s acting in the final scene with Uncle Bill, as Emily becomes ashamed of her actions, is nicely subtle. Heather Angel also does a good job of conveying Miss F’s concern about French, along with just a touch of jealousy. (I’m on Team Fraversham, all the way!)

We get a new spin on Uncle Bill's famous head rubs this week--the one-fingered version.

We get a new spin on Uncle Bill’s famous head rubs this week–the one-fingered version.

Inconsistency Alert

Miss Faversham mentions Peter as the child she’s watching. Didn’t his family let her go?

Guest Cast
Emily Travers: Leslie Parrish. Mr. Hardcastle: Noel Drayton. Mr. Tyburn: Leslie Randall. Miss Faversham: Heather Angel.

Leslie Parrish was one of those promising mid-century starlets who never quite broke through to full-fledged stardom. Her most memorable film appearance was as Jocelyn Jordan in The Manchurian Candidate. She also played Daisy Mae in the 1959 musical Lil Abner. Her TV roles included three Batman appearances and the Star Trek episode “Who Mourns for Adonais?” Later, she ended up in some B movies such as 1975’s The Giant Spider Invasion. She retired from acting in the late 1970s, around the time she married Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. (They divorced 20 years later.)

Let's end with some Uncle Bill eye candy, just because.

Let’s end with some Uncle Bill eye candy, just because.

Family Affair Friday: Season 3, Episode 23, “The Young Man from Bolivia,” 3/10/1969

VTS_01_6.VOB_001036532

Written by: Austin and Irma Kalish. Directed by: Charles Barton.

French has just retrieved the Davis family mail and found a letter for Jody.

It's from Bolivia, so Jody assumes it's from Uncle Bill.

It’s from Bolivia, so Jody assumes it’s from Uncle Bill.

French thinks not, since it’s addressed to “Senor J. Davis.” Jody is excited to realize that it’s from his penpal Paco, the son of Bill’s Bolivian associate.

Jody tells French that the letter says Paco is having a nice time and the weather is good.

French wonders how the boys can communicate since Jody "has trouble enough reading English."

French wonders how the boys can communicate since Jody “has trouble enough reading English.”

Ouch!

It turns out that they express themselves through pictures.

It turns out that they express themselves through pictures.

Jody hurries off to his room and starts to answer Paco’s letter right away.

While he's drawing, Buffy comes in to borrow a red crayon. It seems Mrs. Beasley is going on a date and needs some lipstick.

While he’s drawing, Buffy comes in to borrow a red crayon. It seems Mrs. Beasley is going on a date and needs some lipstick.

Oooh, that’s a bad idea Buffy–Mr. Clean hasn’t invented the Magic Eraser yet! (I’m also rather surprised that Mrs. Beasley dates. Ourtime.com hasn’t been invented yet either.)

Jody can't spare the red crayon--it's a crucial part of his "reply" to Paco.

Jody can’t spare the red crayon–it’s a crucial part of his “reply” to Paco.

Like Paco’s picture, Jody’s is also meant to convey that he’s having a nice time and the weather is good.

In our next scene, an excited Paco has received Jody's letter and is showing it to his father and Bill.

In our next scene, an excited Paco has received Jody’s letter and is showing it to his father and Bill.

“That’s Jody all right,” Bill says, adding wistfully, “at least as far as I can remember.”

His Bolivian project has apparently been a long one, but he is preparing to go home the next day. Paco and his father are staying another day and then flying to Paris.

When Senor Mendez laments the fact that the two pen pals won’t get a chance to meet, Bill has a brainstorm: He can take Paco home with him, and Senor Mendez can pick him up in New York on the way to Paris.

(Can you imagine what a nightmare it would be to make these complicated travel arrangements? Luckily, that’s never a problem in the Davis universe.)

Paco is thrilled by the opportunity to meet Jody and quickly agrees.

Paco is thrilled by the opportunity to meet Jody and quickly agrees.

Bill only tells the family that he’s bringing home a surprise, so they are indeed to surprised to find what Jody calls “a living surprise” at their door.

Bill explains introduces Paco to the kids and tells them that their guest doesn't speak any English.

Bill explains introduces Paco to the kids and tells them that their guest doesn’t speak any English.

Fortunately, Bill is fairly fluent in Spanish, as we remember from the “Lost in Spain” episodes.

The writers don’t seem to remember those episodes, though.

The writers don't seem to remember those episodes, though. The twins, who spent weeks studying the language in Spain, can't speak a single world of it.

The twins, who spent weeks studying the language in Spain, can’t speak a single world of it.

And Cissy credits her scant knowledge of Spanish to her school classes, without mentioning her experiences abroad.

Cissy credits her scant knowledge of Spanish to her school classes, without mentioning her experiences abroad.

And French can now speak at least a little Spanish, though the whole "Lost in Spain" plot hinged on his inability to do so.

And French can now speak at least a little Spanish, though the whole “Lost in Spain” plot hinged on his inability to do so.

Ay, caramba!

Things get off to a good start between Paco and Jody.

By bedtime, though, an awkward silence has settled in.

By bedtime, though, an awkward silence has settled in.

Bill looks in on the boys and asks Jody if they are having trouble communicating.

"No," Jody says. "We just don't know how to talk."

“No,” Jody says. “We just don’t know how to talk.”

At Bill’s suggestion, Jody tries to tell Paco about his turtle.

“Como?” Paco asks.

"No, his name is Dinky," a frustrated Jody replies.

“No, his name is Dinky,” a frustrated Jody replies.

They do manage to share a nice moment right before going to bed.

Paco says "Good night," and Jody says, "Buenos Noches."

Paco says “Good night,” and Jody says, “Buenas Noches.”

The next morning, Jody wants to make up for lost time and do some bonding with Uncle Bill.

They start to catch up, although Jody warns him that he probably doesn't want to hear about Jody's spelling grades.

They start to catch up, although Jody warns Bill that he probably doesn’t want to hear about Jody’s spelling grades.

When Paco comes in and starts talking with Bill in Spanish, Jody’s mood turns glum.

He feels left out as Bill laughs at Paco's amusing remarks.

He feels left out as Bill laughs at Paco’s amusing observations.

For example, Paco notes that Mr. French doesn’t shave. He also says that the bridges Bill builds, though not as tall as New York skyscrapers, would seem tall to a fish.

Jody gets tired of having the jokes translated for him and leaves the room.

Later, Cissy takes the three kids to the park.

Later, Cissy takes the three kids to the park.

Jody is still acting petulant and complains that Paco won’t know how to play their games.

“All kids play the same games,” Cissy asserts confidently–and, as we shall see, wrongly.

Paco's an interesting novelty to the twins' friends, who soon gather around.

Paco’s an interesting novelty to the twins’ friends, who soon gather around.

One girl is excited to learn that he’s from South America–“farther away than New Jersey, even.” Meanwhile, Jody and his friend Peter have this conversation.

Jody: He doesn’t speak English.
Peter: That’s neat!
Jody: What’s so neat about it?

I think Jody might have a future in Republican politics.

I think Jody might have a future in Republican politics.

The kids get even more interested when Paco displays a toy he brought from home.

Peter wants to play with it, though Jody tries to drag him away.

Peter wants to play with it, though Jody tries to drag him away.

Cissy says the toy was an invention of the Incas.

Cissy says the toy was an invention of the Incas, which Bess Lindstrom here interprets as "inkers."

Bess Lindstrom, here, interprets that as “inkers.” She was much smarter on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Jody, refusing to even try it, says, “Who wants to play with an old toy from the inkers?”

With nothing else to do, he tries to interest Buffy and her friends in a game of baseball.

With nothing else to do, he tries to interest Buffy and her friends in a game of baseball.

When they say they have to take care of their dolls, Jody suggests using the dolls as bases.

Oh, no, he didn't!

Oh, no, he didn’t!

Sensing that her brother is stressed, Buffy pulls him aside and reminds him that Paco’s father is coming to get him that very evening.

"Good!" Jody exclaims.

“Good!” Jody exclaims.

Back at home, he is only too happy to help Paco pack.

Don't get too excited, Jody. Paco's dad has just called Bill to explain that he will be delayed.

Don’t get too excited, Jody. Paco’s dad has just called Bill to explain that he will be delayed.

Senor Mendez tells Bill to send Paco back to Bolivia, but Bill won’t hear of it–four children is no more trouble than three, so he will be happy to have Paco stay on.

Paco isn't happy about this news. Talking to his father, his face goes from this...

Paco isn’t happy about this news. Talking to his father, his face goes from this…

...to this.

…to this.

And, of course, Jody isn’t happy either when he hears Paco is staying.

"How long?" he asks his uncle.

“For how many days?” he asks his uncle.

That’s a good question and, strangely, one that Bill didn’t ask Paco’s father when they were talking on the phone. Nevertheless, Bill says it might be a week.

Later, while the twins are getting a snack, Buffy pledges her loyalty to Jody.

Later, while the twins are getting a snack, Buffy pledges her loyalty to a downhearted Jody.

They have to stick together, Jody agrees, adding “Brother and sister can’t come apart.”

But when Buffy takes cookies in to Paco and finds him crying, she can't help trying to cheer him up.

But when Buffy takes cookies to Paco and finds him crying, she can’t help trying to cheer him up.

She introduces him to baseball–or at least playing catch.

She introduces him to the game of baseball--or at least playing catch.

Paco catches on quickly and begins to enjoy himself.

But when Jody sees this happy scene, he feels betrayed.

Et tu, Buffy?

Et tu, Buffy?

She explains that she had to be nice to Paco because he was crying. Jody is unsympathetic.

Jody: Mr. French says boys don’t cry.
Buffy: Maybe they do in Bolivia.
Jody: I wouldn’t.

(It’s too bad Free to Be You and Me won’t come out for another three years. Both Jody and French need to hear this Rosey Grier song.)

Later, Jody is on the terrace feeding Dinky (or Senor Dinky, as Paco calls him–I love that!)

Uncle Bill stops by with Paco and offers to take both boys out for ice cream.

Uncle Bill stops by with Paco and offers to take both boys out for ice cream.

This is how upset Jody is: He turns down ice cream…because he needs to practice his spelling.

As Bill and Paco walk away and Paco calls, "Adios," Jody mutters, "Adios, yourself."

As Bill and Paco walk away and Paco calls, “Adios,” Jody mutters, “Adios, yourself.”

Strong words for Jody.

Then, he nuzzles Dinky. Eww!

Then, he nuzzles Dinky. Eww!

The next morning, Bill is exulting about the way the kids are getting along.

There's an international language of children, French agrees. They understand each other instinctively.

There’s an international language of children, French agrees. They understand each other instinctively.

At that moment, though, Paco and Jody are actually coming to blows.

Hearing the noise, Bill rushes in to break up the fight.

Hearing the noise, Bill rushes in to break up the fight.

He speaks privately with Jody, who vents about how Paco has been getting all the attention. Having another boy around means no one cares about him, he pouts.

Bill chides him for feeling sorry for himself and asks him what he would do if he was in Bolivia with Paco's family.

Bill chides him for feeling sorry for himself and asks him what he would do if he was in Bolivia with Paco’s family.

Based on his recent experiences, Jody says that he’d tell Paco’s family to pay lots of attention to Paco.

Using what I hope is reverse psychology, Bill offers to send Paco home right away.

Using what I hope is reverse psychology, Bill offers to send Paco home right away.

If it was reverse psychology, it works beautifully. “I don’t want him to feel not wanted. It’s a terrible feeling,” Jody says in a nice, subtle callback to the Davis kids’ traumatic experiences.

Bill orders Jody to say he’s sorry about their fight. Jody says he really is sorry about it…Paco was winning.

Cue bemused laughter.

Cue bemused laughter.

By the time Paco’s father does come to collect his son, the boys are getting along fine.

Jody calls Paco his amigo, and Paco calls Jody his friend. They even exchange gifts.

Jody calls Paco his amigo, and Paco calls Jody his friend. They even exchange gifts.

Jody doesn’t want Paco to leave. Senor Mendez encourages the Davises to visit them in Bolivia someday. (When Buffy asks Bill if they really can go to Bolivia, he gives one of those “Oh, maybe,” responses that are parent speak for “Don’t hold your breath.”)

Even after Paco leaves, his influence lingers–Jody ends the episode by calling his uncle “Tio Bill.”

Commentary

They really should have aired this episode before the “Lost in Spain” three-parter to avoid inconsistencies about the family’s Spanish fluency.

Jody’s behavior is terrible in this episode, but it’s kind of fun to watch since it is so different from his usual unselfish demeanor. He always has taken a special pride in his father-son connection with Bill, so it makes sense that having another boy around would make him feel threatened.

Guest Cast

Senor Mendez: Carlos Romero. Paco: Miguel Monsalve. Kathy: Lisa True Gerritsen. Peter: Randy Whipple.
All the kids are Family Affair veterans. Romero’s many TV appearance included recurring roles on Zorro, Adam-12, and Falcon Crest.

Family Affair Friday: Season 3, Episode 22, “A Diller, a Dollar,” 3/3/1969

VTS_01_4.VOB_001146867

Written by: Edmund Beloin and Henry Garson. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Welcome to a new year, Family Affair fans. In the real world, the weather may be brutal and the news may be grim, but we can always escape for a few minutes into the Davis family’s sunny environs. After an epic Spanish adventure, the family has settled back into its routine and must only deal with a small domestic crisis (or, as French puts it, “one of life’s little tragedies”).

When we first look in, Bill is talking about bid and estimates with an associate named Miss Saunders.

When we first look in, Bill is talking about bids and estimates with an associate named Miss Saunders.

Why are they meeting in Bill’s den instead of in his office? Probably so that the twins can interrupt them when they return from school with their report cards.

Jody is so excited to show Bill his grades that he drops his books to the floor--an error that French quickly makes him rectify.

Jody is so excited to show Bill his grades that he drops his books to the floor–an error that French quickly makes him rectify.

Why Jody’s so eager to show off his mediocre grades is not clear. “Buffy’s the smart one,” Bill bluntly informs Miss Saunders out of the twins’ hearing. He and French make a big fuss over Jody’s grades, he adds, so that they boy doesn’t feel bad.

Sure enough, Buffy's received all A's, except for an A- in arithmetic.

Sure enough, Buffy’s received all A’s, except for an A- in arithmetic.

Random question: When did schools stop using the term arithmetic? I started school around 1973, and we always referred to that subject as math. (Although I didn’t know it before researching for this post, arithmetic refers to the branch of mathematics dealing with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division.)

Jody's got sttraight C's, which French hails as an improvement over his previous performance.

Jody earned straight C’s, which French hails as an improvement over his previous performance.

Passing over Buffy’s grades quickly, Bill finds something to praise on Jody’s report card.

Jody's teacher says he is cheerful and attentive and quick to volunteer for classroom chores.

Jody’s teacher says he is cheerful and attentive and quick to volunteer for classroom chores.

That ought to take him far.

After Bill showers Jody with praise, French prepares to take the kids to the park.

Jody is hoping that his friend Peter Dunigan will be there so they can play marbles together.

Jody is hoping that his friend Peter Dunigan will be there so they can play marbles together.

Buffy is hoping Peter will be there, too, although Jody tells her she can’t play marbles with them.

In the rigidly gender-segregated world of the park, Buffy has to play hopscotch instead.

In the rigidly gender-segregated world of the park, Buffy has to play hopscotch instead.

(Random fashion observation: It’s about time for the wardrobe department to retire Buffy’s plaid pants, which are rapidly approaching high-water territory. And the girl currently hopping must have bought her dress from the rummage sale in “Fat, Fat the Water Rat.”)

Buffy’s mind isn’t on the game, however. She’s too busy mooning over Peter. When one of her friends teases her about her “boyfriend,” Buffy doesn’t deny her interest.

Buffy's mind isn't on the game, however. She's too busy mooning over Peter.

“He’s neat,” she sighs.

The feeling isn’t mutual. When Peter passes the hopscotch group on his way to the marble game, Buffy’s friends ask him if he wants to hear a secret.

"Nah," he says.

“Nah,” he says.

Then Buffy asks him if he wants to join the hopscotch game.

"Nah," he replies, even more dismissively.

“Nah,” he replies, even more dismissively.

This, it seems, is his catchphrase–“Nah,” pronounced in an obnoxiously flat, nasal manner. I’m not sure what Buffy sees in him (but he will look pretty good in his teenage years.)

A dejected Buffy turns to French for advice.

A dejected Buffy turns to French for romantic advice, which seems like a risky move.

She wonders whether a boy saying only “Hi” and “Nah” to her is a sign that the boy hates her. French responds to her question with unexpected sensitivity, telling her that a young man might not wish to speak to a young lady with other young ladies about. He suggests that Peter might be friendlier when he is in Jody’s company.

She heads over to the marble game, but doesn't make any progress with Peter.

She heads over to the marble game, but doesn’t make any progress with Peter.

Jody takes a surprisingly strong stand against girls playing marbles, arguing that “girls are only good at arithmetic and junk.” (That’s a novel form of gender stereotyping.)

Buffy offers to help Peter with his math, but it only earns her another “Nah.”

Back at home, she turns to Cissy for advice.

Back at home, she turns to Cissy for advice.

Cissy’s got weightier matters on her mind, though–or at least on her head. She’s drying her hair in preparation for a night out with Sharon and some guy named Doug.

Buffy then makes a fatal error--she asks Sharon for advice.

Buffy then makes a fatal error–she asks Sharon for guidance.

“Boys don’t like girls who are smarter than they are,” Sharon pronounces.

"Wat'chu talkin' about, Sharon?"

“What you talkin’ ’bout, Sharon?”

Sharon adds that she lost a football player boyfriend for that very reason. (He must have really been dumb.)

Sharon tells Buffy not to worry--there are other boys out there, lots of them.

Sharon tells Buffy not to worry–there are other boys out there, lots of them.

(They really caked on Sharon’s pancake makeup this week, didn’t they?)

Buffy’s strictly a one-boy girl, however. All she can do is try to dumb herself down, and she’s successful enough to earn a note home from Miss Cummings the next day.

It seems that she and Peter scored lowest in the class on this week's spelling test.

It seems that she and Peter scored lowest in the class on this week’s spelling test.

“So what if we’re dumb–we’re happy,” she chirps to an unresponsive Peter.

At home, Bill’s puzzled by Buffy’s D- and even more puzzled when he sees she missed simple words like walk, jump, and nose.

"There's no word in the English language that has three P's in a row," he sputters about her misspelling of apple.

“There’s no word in the English language that has three P’s in a row!” he sputters in reaction to her misspelling of apple.

He and French agree that Buffy could spell those and harder words before she even started school. French suggests contacting the teacher, but Bill puts his parental instincts to work instead: He decides that Buffy lacks motivation because he praises Jody so much and ignores her outstanding work.

Meanwhile, Buffy is hanging out with the boys and trying to wangle an invitation to Peter's birthday party.

Meanwhile, Buffy is hanging out with the boys and trying to wangle an invitation to Peter’s birthday party.

It doesn’t work–Peter says the party is for boys only.

Bill pulls Buffy aside for a talk and explains that he has been wrong to ignore her achievements.

Bill pulls Buffy aside for a talk and explains that he has been wrong to ignore her achievements.

Sure that he has gotten to the heart of the problem, he misses Buffy’s cues that his praising Jody doesn’t bother her.

He assures her that he is very, very, very proud of her.

Bill assures Buffy that he is very, very, very proud of her.

The next day, however, finds Buffy purposely messing up her multiplication problems.

She even manages to miss problems so easy that Peter can solve them.

She manages to miss problems so easy that even Peter can solve them.

This allows her to ask Peter if he will help her with arithmetic. (You can guess his answer.)

At home, Bill is basking in Miss Saunders' admiration for his keen parental intuition.

At home, Bill is basking in Miss Saunders’ admiration for his keen parental intuition.

She’s also thanking him for a lovely time at dinner the night before. (You didn’t think Bill could have a purely professional relationship with an attractive woman, did you?)

His bubble bursts when French arrives to tell him that Buffy has failed her day’s arithmetic assignment.

This really throws him for a loop.

“What you talkin’ ’bout, French?”

When Cissy passes through, he seeks her advice on the situation.

She's shocked at Buffy's failure. Buffy's the smartest kid in the class, she notes.

She’s shocked at Buffy’s failure. Buffy’s the smartest kid in the class, she notes.

Miss Cummings even told her that Buffy was due to be skipped ahead a grade.

Applying his psychology skills again, Bill latches onto another explanation for Buffy's behavior.

Applying his psychology skills again, Bill latches onto another explanation for Buffy’s behavior.

Clearly, she doesn’t want to advance a grade and leave Jody behind.

Meanwhile, Buffy's in the park with treats she's prepared as a birthday present for Peter.

Meanwhile, Buffy’s in the park with treats she’s prepared as a birthday present for Peter.

When she tries to present them, though, Peter won’t accept.

If he takes them, he says, he'll feel obligated to get her a present on her birthday.

If he takes them, he says, he’ll feel obligated to get her a present on her birthday.

(Peter’s extremely rude, but you have to admit he’s scrupulous about reciprocal gift-giving.)

 

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Jody, all “bitches be crazy,” prevails on Peter to take one cookie so his sister doesn’t get mad.

Peter will deign to accept a cookie if Buffy agrees it’s not a birthday gift.

Buffy, to her credit, comes up with the perfect response: "Nah!"

Buffy, to her credit, comes up with the only fitting response: “Nah!”

Back at home, Buffy informs French that she has homework to do–and that she can’t stand Peter anymore.

Soon Bill corners her for a talk about skipping a grade.

Soon Bill corners her for a talk about skipping a grade.

She will still see Jody at recess and lunch, so she shouldn’t try to get bad grades on purpose, he says.

Buffy keeps turning the conversation to Peter and how much she doesn't like him.

He doesn’t understand why Buffy keeps turning the conversation to Peter and how much she dislikes him.

Bill’s fog finally clears when Buffy blurts out, “Even when I’m dumb like he is, he doesn’t like me.”

Bill learns about the advice Buffy got from Sharon and points out to her that it turned out to be bad advice.

Bill learns about the advice Buffy got from Sharon and points out that it didn’t work very well for her.

Why, his colleague Miss Saunders is actually Dr. Saunders, an accomplished engineer, and he still found her worthy of his amorous attentions.

Buffy promises that she will always do her best from now on.

She doesn't care if Peter doesn't love her. She just wants to be loved by Bill, Cissy, Jody, Mr. French--and Victor Simmons, a new boy who lives upstairs.

She doesn’t care whether Peter loves her. She just wants to be loved by Bill, Cissy, Jody, and Mr. French.

Oh–and Victor Simmons, a new boy who just moved in upstairs.

Cue some episode-ending rueful laughter for Bill.

Cue some episode-ending rueful laughter for Bill.

Commentary

I’m always prepared to do a lot of cringing when gender issues crop up on classic sitcoms. This episode’s message is pleasantly surprising, though. Only Sharon comes off looking silly, and we’ve come to expect that from her.

I’m also glad that Bill told Buffy he was proud of her grades, even if she didn’t seem to need his reassurance. Maybe I’m oversensitive about this issue because I grew up with a brother whose C’s were cause for a party, while my A’s were taken for granted.

It’s interesting how blase Bill is about Jody’s average grades–these days, a parent from Bill’s social strata would probably be getting his straight-C child evaluated for learning disorders.

An added plus for this episode: The fun of seeing familiar faces such as Sharon and Miss Cummings.

Notable Quotes

“We do not say ‘Nah'”–Mr. French

Guest Cast

Sharon James: Sherry Alberoni. Miss Cummings: Joan Vohs. Peter: Gary Tubin. Joyce: Elaine Devry. Linda: Emma Tyson. May: Lisa Gerritsen.

Lisa Gerritsen was one of the most familiar child actors on television in the 1960s and 1970s. She’s best remembered, of course, for her recurring role as Bess on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and its spinoff Phyllis. Her grandfather was screenwriter True Boardman. This is the first of three Family Affair appearances for Gerritsen–the second one comes in the very next episode.

Gary Dubin, making his second Family Affair appearance here, also stayed busy. He was Punky Lazaar on The Partridge Family, voiced Toulouse in Disney’s The Aristocats, and became shark food in Jaws 2.

From certain angles, Devry looks slightly Diana Rigg-ish.

From certain angles, Devry looks slightly Diana Rigg-ish.

Elaine Devry made guest appearances on such shows as Perry Mason, Dragnet 1967, and Marcus Welby, M.D. She had a small role in the 1968 Brian Keith-Doris Day movie With Six You Get Eggroll. She was also once married to Mickey Rooney…but then again, who wasn’t?

Family Affair Friday(ish): Season 3, Episode 21, “Lost in Spain: Part 3,” 2/24/1969

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Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Happy holidays, everyone! This week we come to the end of Family Affair‘s classic three-parter, “Lost in Spain.” It’s not a Christmas episode, but its climactic scenes would have been perfect for one.

We begin with about four minutes of backtracking to remind us where we left off.

As you will recall, it was sorrow in the straw for Buffy and Jody.

As you will recall, it was sorrow in the straw for Buffy and Jody.

They are starting to wonder if Bill will ever find them.

In the morning, they emerge from their hiding place and peer out the barn door for signs of life.

In the morning, they emerge from their hiding place and peer out the barn door for signs of life.

They watch the farmer’s wife as she deposits a bowl of vegetables on a table and returns into the house.

Starving, they run over, grab some food, and haul butt back to the barn before the woman returns.

Starving, they run over, grab some food, and haul butt back to the barn before the woman returns.

Buffy and Jody feel bad about swiping food, but they figure that Uncle Bill can give the farmer some money later.

Their hunger has given them a new appreciation for vegetables, even raw string beans.

Their hunger has given them a new appreciation for vegetables, even raw string beans.

When the farmer enters the barn, they duck behind the haystack again.

He finds a carrot on the ground and gives one of those exaggerated TV shrugs.

He finds a carrot on the ground and gives one of those exaggerated TV shrugs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Davis clan is standing vigil at the Sitges police station, much to the annoyance of the Sitges police.

The police aren't happy to have them there.

A frustrated Bill can’t even get in to see the captain.

The desk sergeant says they are working on many other equally important cases.

"Dammit, Jim, we're policemen, not miracle-workers!" he says (more or less).

“Dammit, Jim, we’re policemen, not miracle-workers!” he says. (More or less.)

The Civil Guard is making he thorough farm-to-farm search for the kids, he adds.

He's right about that. In fact, they are just pulling up to the Vega farm now.

He’s right about that. In fact, they are just pulling up to the Vega farm now.

Buffy and Jody have been contemplating leaving the farm to search the woods for berries like Hansel and Gretel. Hearing the approaching hoofbeats, they peek outside.

Buffy and Jody may not be the sharpest tools in this shed, but they seem to sense that Generalissimo Franco's Civil Guard is not an entirely benign force.

Buffy and Jody may not be the sharpest tools in this shed, but they seem to sense that Generalissimo Franco’s Guardia Civil is not an entirely benign force.

Maybe what tips them off is the creepy bullfighting music that accompanies the guards’ approach. In any case, they decide to stay hidden.

The guards show the Vegas a picture of the kids and ask if they've seen them.

The guards show the Vegas a picture of the kids and ask if they’ve seen them.

After the guards leave, the Vegas are shaken by the encounter.

Methinks the Guardia Civil have a bit of a PR problem with the local farm-dwellers.

Methinks the Guardia Civil have a bit of a PR problem with the local farm-dwellers.

Carlos reassures his wife that everything is fine–after all, they answered honestly when they denied seeing the children.

Things are about to get more complicated for the Vegas, though.

This is the disturbing sight that confronts Carlos when he goes back into the barn.

This is the disturbing sight that confronts Carlos when he goes back into the barn.

Carlos quickly hauls the kids out of the hay.

After that, he isn't sure what to do with them.

After that, he isn’t sure what to do with them.

Later the kids eat while the adults look on in concern.

Buffy and Jody sense that their presence makes the Vegas uncomfortable.

Buffy and Jody sense that their presence makes the Vegas uncomfortable.

Understandably, however, they are most just happy to be eating.

When Jody asks what kind of soup Mrs. Vega gave them, Buffy replies that it's good soup.

When Jody asks what kind of soup Mrs. Vega gave them, Buffy replies that it’s good soup.

Meanwhile, the Vegas are whispering about what to do.

Carlos has an idea--he wants to send the kids packing.

Carlos has an idea–he wants to send the kids packing.

His wife is more soft-hearted.

His wife is more soft-hearted, however.

Showing that his gruffness is only skin-deep, Carlos gives in and allows his wife to bring the kids back.

Back in Sitges, everyone is still sitting around the police station.

Back in Sitges, everyone is still sitting around the police station when Ricardo enters with a distinguished-looking gentleman.

They are surprised when Ricardo enters with a distinguished-looking gentleman.

They are even more surprised when Ricardo tells them the man is his father, Francisco Torres y Fiero, Spain’s soon-to-be special envoy to the United States.

Ricardo confesses that he lied about his identity because he will be moving with his father to the U.S. soon and wanted to get to know some Americans without them knowing his father is a person of importance.

Ricardo confesses that he lied about his identity because he will be moving with his father to the U.S. soon and wanted to get to know some Americans without them knowing his father is a person of importance.

As secrets go, it’s pretty tame–and convenient–so Cissy and Bill don’t hold a grudge.

Senor Torres y Fiero pledges to help find the twins, and he is influential enough to get Col. Klink off his butt.

Senor Torres y Fiero pledges to help find the twins, and he is influential enough to get Col. Klink off his butt.

Soon, Bill is meeting with an apologetic captain.

The captain fills in on the search and says that civil guard will soon begin re-checking some areas.

The captain fills Bill in on the search and says that civil guard will soon begin re-checking some areas.

Apparently, that includes the Vega farm, where Buffy has been put to work.

Soon hoofbeats and creepy music interrupt the household chores.

Soon hoofbeats and creepy music interrupt the household chores.

The Vegas send the kids back to their hiding place.

After getting rid of the civil guard again, the Vegas ponder their next move.

After getting rid of the civil guard again, they ponder their next move.

In Sitges, a quiet moment finds French remarking that most employers would have fired him by now.

Bill reassures him that the kids could have as easily disappeared under his watch, or Cissy's.

Bill reassures him that the kids could have as easily disappeared under his watch, or Cissy’s.

Ana tries to get Bill to eat some fish and chips.

The Spanish have a saying, she tells him: "Sorrows are better with bread."

The Spanish have a saying, she tells him: “Sorrows are easier with bread.”

That seems a little glib under the circumstances, but she soon redeems herself by having an amazing brainstorm.

What if, instead of sitting around the police station, they actually went out looking for the children?

What if, instead of sitting around the police station, they actually went out looking for the children?

This being a sitcom, Uncle Bill is clearly thinking, "It's kind of crazy, but it just might work."

This being a sitcom, Uncle Bill is clearly thinking, “It’s kind of crazy, but it just might work.”

As Anna and Bill take off to re-trace the bus route, night is falling and the Vegas are realizing that Buffy and Jody have to go.

Maria thinks they can trust the priest, but Carlos won't trust anyone.

Maria thinks they can trust the local priest, but Carlos won’t trust anyone.

Thinking of the priest does give Carlos an idea, though.

Each carrying a twin, they head off into the night.

Each carrying a twin, they head off into the night.

They deposit the still-sleeping kids on pews at the church.

Fortunately, Bill and Anna soon arrive at that church.

Fortunately, Bill and Ana soon arrive at that church.

When they come upon the sacristan, Ana asks him if he’s seen the kids.

I like the authentically Catholic touches in these scenes, such as the way the Vegas genuflect when entering and leaving the church and the way Ana covers her head before entering it.

I like the authentically Catholic touches in these scenes, such as the way the Vegas genuflect when entering and leaving the church and the way Ana covers her head before entering it.

The sacristan hasn’t seen the twins, so a dejected Bill and Ana turn to leave.

Fortunately, Bill glances to his right and sees the children's sleeping forms.

Fortunately, Bill glances to his right and sees the children’s sleeping forms.

When they awaken, the kids are thrilled to see their uncle.

It's a Christmas miracle! Or at least a February sweeps miracle!

It’s a Christmas miracle! Or at least a February sweeps miracle!

The kids say they knew that Uncle Bill would find them.

Jody does wonder why it took so long, though.

Jody does wonder why it took so long, though.

You can tell the kids have had a rough time because Buffy's pigtails are mussed. I wonder how long she would have to be lost before she actually took the barrettes out.

You can tell the kids have had a rough time because Buffy’s pigtails are mussed. I wonder how long she would have to be lost before she actually took the barrettes out.

Anna Novarro shows some nice emotion in this reunion scene. It almost makes me wish Ana could join the Davis family permanently.

It’s not to be, however–when we next see the Davis family, they are back in New York, and French is fielding calls from Bill’s female admirers.

"A little bit of ??? in my life, a little bit of ??? by my side..."

“A little Miss Atwater in my life, a little Miss Ellis by my side…”

The kids are back in school, telling their teacher and peers what they learned in Spain. Jody learned what is probably the best lesson–not to get on a bus ahead of Mr. French. The kids also learned that while people in other countries may talk differently, they are not that different deep down.

And that’s a nice message to carry us through the holiday season.

French's horizons have been broadened, too--the dinner he has prepared for the family includes churros.

French’s horizons have been broadened, too–the dinner he has prepared for the family includes churros.

See you in 2015!

Commentary

From a kid’s perspective, this three-parter was gripping and memorable. Getting lost and having to get by on your own is both a terrifying and rather exciting idea when you’re young. It’s appropriate that Buffy and Jody talk about Hansel and Gretel because this story taps into some of the same primal emotions as fairy tales.

Watching now, I do find the adults’ reactions to the situation a bit flat. Separation and loss have always been big issues on this show, so I would expect to see Bill and Cissy looking more frantic. From the director’s perspective, I’m sure it was preferable to confine everyone to a single set as much as possible, but such inaction doesn’t ring true from a man like Bill. (Contrast it, for example, with Mike and Carol Brady searching the Grand Canyon for their missing offspring: “Bobby! Cindy!”)

Too much restraint is better than over-acting, though, and I doubt the adults’ reactions detracted from the suspense young audience members felt watching these episodes or that satisfaction they took in the final reunion.

Continuity Notes

The twins mention their teacher, Miss Cummings.

Guest Cast

Francisco Torres y Fiero: George J. Lewis. Ana Vicente Casona: Anna Navarro. Carlos Vega: Nacho Galindo. Tio Dichoso: Jay Novello. Maria Vega: Rosa Turich. Lt. Playa: Valentin de Vargas. Sacristan: Julian Rivero. Ricardo: Johnny Aladdin. Captain: Tom Hernandez. Sergeant: Jose Haas.

Valentin de Vargas, who died last year, had roles in some well known movies, including Touch of Evil, Hatari, and The Magnificent Seven.

George J. Lewis’ most memorable role was probably his appearance as Don Alejandro in Walt Disney’s Zorro series. His work in films as a bit player, often uncredited, was prodigious–in 1944 alone, he appeared in approximately 20 films.

Family Affair Friday: Season 3, Episode 20, “Lost in Spain, Part 2,” 2/17/1969

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Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

We start this episode with a brief review of previous events, which culminate with Buffy and Jody alone on a bus in Spain.

Yikes.

Yikes.

Mr. French is desperately trying to explain the situation to a woman at the bus station, but the language barrier interferes.

He's relieved to see a familiar face, Tio Dichoso, but he soon learns once again that Tio Dichoso's grasp of English is quite limited.

He’s relieved to see a familiar face, Tio Dichoso, but he realizes once again that Tio Dichoso’s grasp of English is quite limited.

Sensing French’s alarm, Dichoso hurries off to find an English-speaking friend.

Meanwhile, when the bus stops to admit a passenger, Buffy and Jody try to get assistance from the bus driver.

Meanwhile, when the bus stops to admit a passenger, Buffy and Jody try to get assistance from the driver.

He can’t speak their language, but his irritation comes through loud and clear.

The dejected twins return to their seat.

The dejected twins return to their seat.

This shot features some nice shaky camera work, which conveys both the motion of the bus and helplessness the kids feel.

Blissfully unaware of all that is happening, Bill is enjoying a Sunday afternoon with his Spanish senorita, Ana.

Blissfully unaware of all that is happening, Bill is enjoying a Sunday afternoon with his Spanish senorita, Ana.

She’s taken him to her favorite place in Barcelona, a market area where gypsies recite sappy love poetry.

Bill's Spanish comprehension is impressive--he can correctly translate such words as "murmur" and "flame" in the poem.

Bill’s Spanish comprehension is impressive–he can correctly translate such words as “murmur” and “flame.”

He says the poem–which ends with, “Love is a tear”–is very said.

Ana laughs, saying it's "very Spanish."

Laughing, Ana replies that it’s “very Spanish.”

Cissy’s also off having fun with a new love interest.

She's excited to see that this youth hangout is just like ones at home.

She’s excited to see that this youth hangout is just like ones at home.

Ricardo sees some friends but declines to join them, even though Cissy says talking with his friends would help her improve her Spanish.

Talking with his friends would also probably reveal the secret Ricardo has been keeping.

Of course, talking with his friends would also probably reveal the secret Ricardo has been keeping.

When the twins’ bus reaches Sitges, they disembark.

The driver demands their tickets and can't understand their explanation that Mr. French has the tickets.

The driver demands their tickets and can’t understand their explanation that Mr. French has them.

Instead of showing any concern for these kids, who are alone and clearly out of place, the angry driver stalks off.

Back in the marketplace, Bill is buying flowers for the "senorita hermosa."

Back in the marketplace, Bill is buying flowers for the “senorita hermosa.”

The flower seller wishes him good luck. When Ana translates the sentiment, Bill says he understood it.

Come on, Ana, he knows “murmur” and “flame”–don’t patronize him!

In the cafe, Ricardo is introducing Cissy to churros, which she soon realizes are similar to doughnuts.

Ricardo says dunking them is mandatory--"a king set the fashion."

Ricardo says dunking them is mandatory–“a king set the fashion.”

I’ve read several articles on the history of churros and haven’t come upon a reference to this. Can anyone shed any light?

Meanwhile, Buffy and Jody come upon a nun with a friendly face and hope that she can help them.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Jody see a nun with a friendly face and hope that she can help them.

She’s apparently supervising a school trip, and Buffy and Jody get swept up with the other children. Soon they are on another bus.

Realizing that the nun doesn’t speak English, Buffy says they’d better get off the before it takes them someplace else.

“It looks like we’re already someplace else,” Jody sighs.

When the bus stops, they try to get off, but this driver can't communicate with them, either.

When they try to get off, the uncomprehending bus driver orders them to their seats.

Back in San Juan, French is relieved when Tio Dichoso’s bilingual friend arrives.

French is relieved when Tio Dichoso arrives with his bilingual friend, who calls the Sitges station and learns the bus just arrived.

The interpreter calls the Sitges station and learns the twins’ bus is there.

The driver remembers the kids, but when he and the station manager look for them, they come up empty-handed.

The driver remembers the kids, but when he and the station manager look for them, they come up empty-handed--except for the twins' picnic basket.

The belongings they left on the bus are the only trace of Buffy and Jody.

The translator breaks this alarming news to French, who insists on going to search for them himself.

“Don’t you understand?” he cries. “The children were in my charge. Mr. Davis entrusted me with their care.”

The translator breaks this alarming news to French, who insists on going to search for them himself.

It will be three hours before another bus leaves for Sitges, so the translator offers to drive French.

When we next see Buffy and Jody, some time has passed.

It's growing dark, and they have fallen asleep.

It’s growing dark, and they have fallen asleep.

When they wake up, the driver has stepped away from the bus and left them alone.

Having no idea where they are, the twins get off the bus and look for help.

Having no idea where they are, the twins get off the bus and look for help.

They try knocking on the door of a nearby building but don’t get an answer.

"I don't like this place," a nervous Buffy tells her brother. "It's too, too...you know?"

“I don’t like this place,” a nervous Buffy tells her brother. “It’s too, too…you know?”

Too much like a studio lot, maybe?

The twins decided to walk on.

The twins decide to walk on.

I guess no one ever told them that when you’re lost it’s better to stay in one place.

Back in Barcelona, Bill and Ana return from their date to find Cissy and French looking grim.

Back in Barcelona, Bill and Ana return from their date to find Cissy and French looking grim.

Cissy breaks the news that the twins are lost, and Bill is alarmed to learn that it’s been nine hours since the Sitges bus took them away.

A fearful and remorseful French says they have been the worst nine hours of his life.

A fearful and remorseful French says these have been the worst nine hours of his life.

He adds that the area around the Sitges station has been searched thoroughly.

(This scene is confusing. French does not mention that he went to Sitges himself to look for the kids. He must have done so, though, because he now has the picnic basket they left on the bus.)

A shaken Bill decides that they should notify the Barcelona police, and Ana makes the call for him.

A shaken Bill decides that they should notify the Barcelona police, and Ana makes the call for him.

As night falls, Buffy and Jody are getting tired, hungry, and even more scared.

As night falls, Buffy and Jody are getting tired, hungry, and even more scared.

When they come upon a church, they hope that perhaps a minister is inside.

“Ministers help people,” Buffy notes.

Jody rings a bell, but no one answers.

Jody rings a bell, but no one answers.

The twins decide to enter the church anyway.

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Looking around, they see no one at first.

Then they see something that terrifies them…

It seems that nothing in their church-going experiences has prepared them for the sight of this hooded figure approaching.

…a hooded figure approaching.

I don’t blame them–I’d be scared, too.

I'd be scared, too.

As the figure comes closer, their eyes grow wider.

They they take off running at quite a clip.

Then they take off running at quite a clip.

Eventually, they stop and determine that “it” isn’t following them. When Buffy asks what “it” is, Jody says he thinks it’s “something there aren’t any of.”

Unfortunately, they miss seeing that the apparition is just a man, who might have been able to help them.

Unfortunately, they miss seeing that the apparition is just a man, who might have been able to help them.

Buffy and Jody keep walking, inadvertently making their trail harder and harder for would-be rescuers to follow.

Meanwhile, an officer from the Barcelona police has shown up at Bill's place.

Meanwhile, an officer from the Barcelona police has shown up at Bill’s place.

On the plus side, this guy can speak English. On the minus side, he’s really annoying.

He discourages Bill from going to look for the kids, saying that he should leave the matter to professionals.

He discourages Bill from going to look for the kids, saying that he should leave the matter to professionals.

He cheerfully notes that lost children are not uncommon, and that a family in the countryside is probably caring for the kids and keeping them safe.

Bill tries to emphasize the situation’s urgency–these kids are only seven years old and can’t speak the language.

Geez, they’re still seven? They were six two and half years ago!

Never has one of Bill's head rubs signaled such worry and frustration.

Never has Bill had better cause for one of his head rubs.

In the countryside, Buffy and Jody’s travels bring them to a farm.

Buffy and Jody's travels bring them to a farm.

In an awkward bit of dialog, Jody recognizes a structure as a barn because he has seen a picture of one in his geography book.

Looking inside, they discover that the barn has an occupant.

Buffy wonders if cows hurt people, but Jody tells her she is thinking of bulls.

Buffy wonders if cows hurt people, but Jody tells her she is thinking of bulls.

Jody finds a place for them to sleep and tries to reassure that the barn probably only seems spooky at night.

Jody finds a place for them to sleep and tries to reassure his sister that the barn probably only seems spooky at night.

They are both sure that Uncle Bill will find them in the morning.

They day's events have left them wary enough that they hide themselves under the hay before going to sleep.

They day’s events have left them wary enough that they hide themselves under the hay before going to sleep.

When dawn breaks, the farmer’s wife enters the barn to milk the cow.

She doesn't notice the kids, who get up as soon as she leaves.

She doesn’t notice the kids, who get up as soon as she leaves.

Hungry and thirsty, they hope to get milk from the cow, but Jody doesn't know 'how to turn it on."

Hungry and thirsty, they hope to get milk from the cow, but Jody doesn’t know ‘how to turn it on.”

When they hear someone coming, the twins scurry back to their hiding place.

It's the farmer, who only stays for a minute.

It’s the farmer, who only stays for a minute.

When he leaves, it becomes clear that Buffy is at the end of her rope.

Sobbing, she wonders what will happen if Bill never finds them.

Sobbing, she wonders what will happen if Bill never finds them.

As the episode closes, Jody tries to comfort his sister.

Awww...

Awww…

I’ll offer commentary on this whole three-parter when I blog about Part 3. Look for that installment on Tuesday!

Guest Cast

Bus Driver: Rico Alaniz. Reader: Socrates Ballis. Carlos Vega: Nacho Galindo. Bus Driver: Gilberto Galvani. Senor Las Casas: Ruben Moreno. Ana Vicente Cassona: Anna Navarro. Tio Dichoso: Jay Novello. Sacristan: Julian Rivero. Station Manager: Ben Romer. Nun: Lenore Stevens. Maria Vega: Rosa Turich. Ricardo: Johnny Aladdin.

Whew–that’s a big cast. Most of these performers made their livings playing Hispanic bit parts in movies and television, especially in Westerns.

Ruben Moreno’s most visible film role was as Dustin Hoffman’s father in Little Big Man. He worked as a director and screenwriter as well an actor and is especially well remembered as an acting coach. A former student has set up a Facebook tribute page. Some sources say Moreno was a two-time Academy Award nominee, but I am unable to verify that in the official Academy Award database.

Lenore Stevens was once married to actor Richard Mulligan.