I hope all the Family Affair fans out there had a great holiday. As we end the year, we’ve also reached the end of the Season 2–whew! I feel like I’ve been recapping this season since 1968. Although this isn’t a holiday episode, it has a warm family feeling that seems appropriate at this time of year.

Written by: John McGreevey. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look in on Uncle Bill, he’s packing to return home after a trip to Nigeria. After a brief time in New York, he’ll be heading off to either India or Iran. (He pronounces the latter country eye-ran, with the emphasis on the first syllable.)

He pauses to look at the kids’ portrait that he has kept near him on his two-month trip.

Yikes, two months? Don’t you wonder how much he pays French to provide 24/7 childcare for months at a time?

Bill’s co-worker reminds him to take along “Toothy”–an absolutely horrifying souvenir for the kids.

French takes the arrival of Toothy better than I would.

He jokes that he once had a headmaster with “the same insincere smile.” Love those Frenchisms!

Meanwhile, Bill catches up on all he’s missed in two months.

He tells a puzzled Cissy that she looks different. Eventually, he figures out that her hair is different than it looks in the portrait he’s been carrying.

Duh, Uncle Bill. That photo is from early Season 1.

Bill also learns that the twins have gone through mumps, they’ve spent a weekend in the Berkshires with French, and Jody’s friend Pete has moved away. (Hmm–is this Peter, Miss Faversham’s charge?)

Also, Buffy’s front teeth have finally come in.

Bill seems unhappy about missing so much time with the kids.

The next day, as he sends an associate off to Brazil, he announces his decision to stop traveling.

His colleague isn’t especially supportive, asking “You, a full-time father?”

The kids are happy to hear Bill’s news, though.

Buffy and Jody start preparing a list of things they want Bill to do with them. Buffy wants to visit the Statue of Liberty. (Fun fact: Mrs. Beasley is very patriotic.) Jody wants to visit a big swamp in “someplace called New Jersey.” They both want to ride the subway all day.

Only one person is underwhelmed by Bill’s news.

French is especially put out when Bill takes over one of his rituals–reading Winnie the Pooh to the twins.

This is a really cute scene, French’s discomfort notwithstanding.

In our next scene, we meet Bill’s girlfriend-of-the-week.

Unlike some of the bimbos he brings home, Eileen is great with kids.

When Jody can’t shake hands because he has a splinter in his finger, Eileen takes it out.

Oddly, you get the feeling that if Eileen hadn’t come along, no one would have bothered to take it out.

She also chides Uncle Bill for not taking the “underprivileged” kids to a drive-in movie, and she suggests that they all plan a picnic together.

She even gives Buffy fashion advice, convincing her that her dress would have a better line if its belt was removed.

Speaking of fashion, Cissy’s orange shift is really cute from the back, with a deep cut-out V.

I have to apologize now–due to a glitch with this DVD, I was not able to get screen captures for the rest of the episode. This is the same file location on the disc that gave me problems with Episode 27. Hopefully, as we move on to a new disc next week, this issue won’t come up again.

Soon, we see that Bill is taking his role as a hands-on parent seriously. He’s taking the twins to school, joining a PTA committee, and urging Cissy to consult him when she makes decisions, even though the decision she made on her own–buying a typewriter with her allowance–is perfectly sensible.

Bill tells French to take it easy while the family is on its picnic with Eileen. French pouts that he’s had too much free time recently. When Bills says he’s just trying to give the kids “the kind of life an ordinary family has,” French wonders if there is a place for him in a ordinary family. (I know one ordinary family that could definitely use him–he could start in the bathroom that I’m due to clean after I finish this recap.)

On the picnic, Jody argues with an obnoxious kid who doesn’t believe his uncle was a globe-trotting bridge-builder. Bill tells the boy that he used to do that kind of work, but now he works in an office. Eileen notices that Bill seems unhappy with his current role and tells him that he should stop trying to be the ideal father. “There’s no such animal,” she says, pointing out that the ideal father for Johnny Smith isn’t the ideal father for Jody Davis.

Bill takes her words to heart. When he returns home and learns that his colleague is having trouble in Brazil, he’s ready to hop on the next plane. He tells the kids that he’ll miss them, but he’ll be happy doing the work he does best. The kids say they’ll be fine as long as they have French. We close the episode with French back in his natural role as Winnie-the-Pooh narrator.

Commentary

Though Family Affair is thought of as a traditional comedy, episodes like this have a progressive message about they many different family structures that can work for kids.

Guest Cast

Eileen Moran: Pippa Scott. Tyler: Ed Deemer. Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Ward Halsey: John Milford. Boy: Eddie Rosson.

Pippa Scott had roles in a few 1950s movies, including The Searchers and Auntie Mame, but her career mostly revolved around appearances on TV and the New York stage.

Written by: Joseph Hoffman. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we look in on the Davis family this week, Buffy is telling Mrs. Beasley the story of Little Red Riding-Hood.

It’s an unsanitized version that ends with the wolf devouring the girl. That sets the tone for this episode, in which Buffy and Jody show an affinity for gore and drama.

After the story, the twins argue over Mrs. Beasley’s next move. Jody, apparently still under the influence of last week’s adventure, wants to tell the doll a story about cowboys and Indians. Buffy says Mrs. Beasley is tired and needs to go to bed.

(I always thought Mrs.. Beasley was supposed to represent an older lady, but Buffy treats her like a baby in this scene. Maybe the doll is senile.)

The argument turns into a tug-of-war with a startling conclusion.

Nooooooooo!

Jody runs off to the kitchen to fetch French, who is relieved that the crisis is only a doll injury.

French shows some nice sensitivity, as he make Mrs. Beasley a tourniquet from his handkerchief to prevent her from going into “shock.”

(In this scene, Jody sneezes and French says “Bless you.” It looks unscripted, but I’m not sure.)

Buffy asks French if he can fix the doll, and he admits that he doesn’t know how. Looking at the Mrs. Beasley I own, I’m pretty sure a needle and thread would suffice for this repair. Buffy’s doll has a weird wire sticking out of the arm hole, though. They probably placed it there to make a simple repair look impossible.

French suggests that the kids eat their lunch, but they object.

“How could we eat when Mrs. Beasley’s lying here without her arm?” Jody asks.

French decides that the situation warrants a call to Uncle Bill, although he’s in an important meeting.

The “East Indian gentlemen” in Bill’s office get the impression that something is seriously wrong at home.

It’s not that serious, Bill reassures them after hanging up: The kids just pulled Mrs. Beasley’s arm off.

Cue shocked expressions.

Informing them that Mrs. Beasley is a doll, Bill cancels his lunch plans with the gentlemen so he can hurry home to Buffy.

On his way out, he feels compelled to offer a brief summary of Mrs. Beasley’s importance–death, separation, only friend in the world, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The businessmen still look baffled.

At home, the kids have created a sickroom atmosphere around Mrs. Beasley.

In one of the twins’ “stupid moments,” Buffy takes the doll’s temperature and tells Bill that the thermometer reads, “She’s sick.” I’m pretty sure second graders know that thermometers give numerical readings.

Stymied by the situation, French and Bill both leap at ridiculous solutions. French proposes replacing the doll, while Bill wants to call a child psychiatrist.

Luckily, Cissy arrives home and injects some sense into the proceedings. She informs the men that doll hospitals exist to repair broken dolls.

So it’s a school day, but the twins are at home and Cissy arrives there by lunch time. Those wacky New York City public schools.

Bill tells a reluctant French to accompany the kids to the doll hospital. It seems strange that, after all the assaults on his dignity since the kids arrived, going to a doll hospital puts French over the edge. Bill urges him to man up, and French finally agrees: “I will swallow my pride and walk through the dolls’ hospital emergency entrance as if it were perfectly natural for an adult Englishman.”

The “doctor” at the facility assures them that it will be a simple operation, taking about 20 minutes.

In response to a question from Jody, he also assures them that Mrs. Beasley won’t “bleed a lot.”

French calls Bill to inform him that the doll has entered surgery.

His East Indian associates have an “only in America” moment when they learn that doll hospitals exist.

(Doll hospitals aren’t an American innovation, though. This one in Portugal, for example, dates back to 1830.)

Back at the hospital, the minutes drag on as the family waits for word about Mrs. Beasley. At one point, the “nurse” emerges from the operating room and says there has been a slight complication with the “cotter pin.” French tells Jody that the cotter pin must be something like a bone graft. When Jody asks if French has a cotter pin, French replies with a droll, “I think not.”

Another customer enters to drop off his daughter’s doll for repair. See, French–real men can visit doll hospitals.

This guy turns out to be a real ass, though. When he learns that the Davis family is waiting through a surgical procedure, he launches into a series of jokes: Are you a relative of the patient? Did you fly in a surgeon from Vienna? What’s your medical plan?

An outraged French tells the man that he’s forming a plan to use his “furled umbrella” on him.

He tells the man that the whole family is concerned, and it’s not the time or place for levity, before dismissing him with a hearty, “Good day, sir!”

Go, French! In a sweet moment, Buffy shows her appreciation by giving him a quick kiss.

Finally, Mrs. Beasley emerges after a successful surgery. Back at home, the kids play hospital with her. This being the ’60s, Jody is the doctor and Buffy is the nurse, of course.

Bill brings home flowers for the patient, although the kids prefer the chocolates Cissy provided.

In fact, the kids use Mrs. Beasley’s “cuperation” to scam for treats throughout the evening. They get Cissy to bring them strawberry pop and French to provide ice cream. They even try to convince him that Mrs. Beasley needs chocolate chip cookies and brownies for her dinner.

Bill tells them that modern doctors like to see patients back on their feet soon after surgery. The kids still insist that Mrs. Beasley still needs special treatment.

Now, Bill and French could handle this situation by letting Buffy play this game until they tire of it–not even a whole day has passed since the accident, after all! They could also refuse to provide any more treats. But Bill decides the situation calls for a technique his father invented–the “lollipop method.” It seems that when Bill’s father took his younger brother’s ratty security blanket away, he gave him a football to sleep with instead. The idea, Bill says, is that you never take something away from a kid without giving them something in return, even if it’s just a lollipop.

And people say today’s parents are indulgent!

Bill announces to the twins that he would like to take them to an amusement park the next day. He can’t, though, since Mrs. Beasley is so sick.

Of course, the kids quickly respond that the doll is just fine and totally up for an amusement park visit.

Taking a beloved doll to amusement park? I think the Davises might become regular doll hospital customers.

Commentary

I always love a Mrs. Beasley episode, and this one is enjoyable through the doll hospital scene. The rest of it is rather anticlimactic and silly. French’s lines, as usual, mark the episode’s high points. I always wonder if someone on the production staff specialized in creating those because they’re consistently delicious, no matter who’s writing the episode.

Buffy seems less horrified than one would expect immediately after the accident. I suppose we could fall back on the explanation that she shuts down emotionally at times of crisis.

At the very least, this episode expands our vocabulary about mechanical engineering devices–we hear about cotter pins and (in Bill’s work conversation) about trunnion pins.

Guest Cast

Foster: Ivan Bonar. East Indian: Naji Gabbay. Mr. Green: Tim Graham. Mrs. Green: Natalie Masters. East Indian: Aly Wassil.

Gabbay and Wassil are Family Affair veterans. Bonar had a long stint on General Hospital in the 1960s and ’70s, playing a character called Chase Murdock. Masters popped up on Dragnet and Adam-12 occasionally, while Green made the rounds of TV westerns.

Written by: Lois Hire. Directed by: Charles Barton.

Note: I’m having some technical difficulties this week, and haven’t been able to get screen captures from the first act of this episode. If I resolve the problem, I’ll add those images later. Luckily, the really memorable images from this episode occur toward the end.

Also, speaking of technical difficulties, has anyone been having trouble reading recent entries of this blog on Firefox? A commenter mentioned a problem, but everything looks okay on my end. I’d appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences, so I can figure out what’s going on.

Synopsis

As our episode begins, Mr. French is preparing to take a two-week tour of scenes from America’s old West. That seems like an unlikely itinerary for French, but it turns out his father was a Western buff. (Also, old West scenery was readily available to 1960s TV producers.)

Jody warns French about the possibility of Indians attacking his stagecoach, although French is actually traveling “by jet, train, omnibus, and hired motorcar.” French himself is more worried about how the Davis family will survive without him–and, frankly, I think he has good reason. Bill assures him that everything will be fine, and Buffy gives him some good parting advice: “Be nice to the Indians, and they’ll be nice to you.”

Now, I wish I could give you a glimpse of the following scene because it includes an image we won’t be seeing again–Bill pushing a vacuum. His domestic duties don’t last long; soon he gets word that a bridge in South America needs his attention. Oh, darn–I’ll bet he’d really been looking forward to two weeks of cooking, cleaning, and child care.

The kids don’t want to ruin French’s vacation, so they suggest that they stay with friends in the building. Cissy and Buffy will stay with Gail, and Jody with stay with Richard. Hmm, did Gail move into the Davis building, or are the writers mixing her up with Sharon again? And who the heck is Richard?

Next, we see Jody waking up in Richard’s Family-Affair-green bedroom, and receiving a shock: Richard’s face is swollen. (We also receive a shock: Richard’s face has appeared in several previous episodes on Jody’s friend Peter.)

“Richard” has the mumps, so Jody can’t stay with him any longer.

Still not wanting to ruin French’s vacation, Cissy and Jody hatch a plan–Jody will join French on vacation. Bill’s hapless secretary, Miss Lee, gets the fun of making those arrangements.

(Even Cissy is confused about “Richard’s” identity. During her phone call with Miss Lee, she refers to him as Peter.)

French, who’s been enjoying his vacation in his typically over-scheduled, overdressed way, takes the news of Jody’s impending arrival pretty well.

He soon realizes that he’ll have to adjust his itinerary–plans to spend a day touring two museums and library leave Jody surprisingly underwhelmed. He perks up when French suggests touring a ghost town instead.

Random fashion note: Jody’s vacation-wear is rather mod.

At the ghost town, French does an admirable job entering into Jody’s imaginative play.

Jody pretends to be a stagecoach driver who is anticipating an Indian attack.

Which leads us to this only-on-TV moment:

Ugh–no pun intended.

These guys are extras from a movie shooting nearby, and they’ve ridden over to the ghost town to eat their lunch.

— They compare notes on boxed lunches with Jody and French. Both actors and tourists, we learn, eat tuna on white bread.

Then, they invite French and Jody to visit their movie set. French tries to decline because he’s still hoping to get a museum visit in.

Now, I like museums, but I’d probably look like Jody does here if I missed a chance to tour a movie set.

Fortunately, French comes to his senses and makes another change to his itinerary.

Meanwhile, Gail is booting Buffy and Cissy out of her apartment.

What do you know? It really is Gail.

Gail’s father hasn’t had mumps, and since Jody’s been exposed to the disease, and Cissy’s been exposed to Jody, he doesn’t think it’s safe for the girls to stay. Is it really that contagious? And, if it is, isn’t Jody exposing everyone he meets–including, in an unfortunate historic parallel, the Indians?

Soon, Cissy and Buffy are on an airplane, and French is lamenting his new status as “a nanny of the old West.”

Around this point, I’m starting to wonder whether “not wanting to ruin Mr. French’s vacation” is code for “getting a long break from school when we’re not even sick.”

When they arrive at the airport, Cissy has a new beau and Buffy has an undisguised lack of interest in touring burial mounds.

Cissy convinces French that visiting a “swinging discotheque” recommended by local-boy Randy would be much more fun.

A discotheque in the daytime? Actually, it’s more like a diner with a dance floor.

The kids have a good time, though.

Check out Buffy and Jody, dancing in their seats.

When Cissy and Randy stop dancing, French suggests going to get something to eat. The teens patiently explain to him that they are sitting in a restaurant.

French acts horrified at the thought of eating a hamburger and French fries.

This guy regularly serves the kids sloppy joes, so he really has no reason to act high and mighty.

At last, he gives in, tears up his schedule, and orders a hamburger with everything.

When he starts dancing, he out-cutes even the twins.

When French and kids return to New York, Bill listens to their tales of ghost towns, discotheques, and doll shows. Alone with French, he sympathizes with him about his ruined vacation. French says that his solo touring had a actually been rather dreary, and the kids turned his vacation into “a ball.” (He quotes Cissy on that expression, as if “having a ball” were cutting-edge teenage jargon in 1968.)

Commentary

This is another good French episode, and it really shows that the kids have added a dimension to his life. Visually, the highlight is the discotheque scene–Buffy and Jody are adorable, but when French tears up his itinerary and starts bouncing around himself, it is a Family Affair moment to remember.

Guest Cast

Miss Lee: Betty Lynn. Jim Tallfeather: Dennis Cross. Richard: Randy Whipple. Randy: Danny Llorens. Hostess: Adele Claire. Gail: Diane Mountford.

The on-screen credits are a big mess, listing Miss Lee as Miss Carter, Gail as Sharon, and Richard as Peter. Of course, Randy Whipple does normally play Peter, and this episode’s script refers to the character by that name once. I’m calling him Richard this week, though, since that’s what the script calls him most often.

Dennis Cross

The Western set must have felt like home to Dennis Cross; he made many appearances on shows like Gunsmoke, Rawhide, and The Rifleman. His son Randy Cross is a former NFL player who is now a radio and TV sports commentator.

Written by: Phil Leslie. Directed by: Charles Barton.

When we join the Davis family this week, Bill and Jody are preparing for a camping trip.

Jody is beside himself with joy at the prospect of a guys’ outing.

French tries to give Bill the directions for Trout Sauté Mozambique, but Bill claims his cooking skills’ limits are boiling and frying. He invites French to come along on the trip and do the cooking–a suggestion French accepts with surprising enthusiasm.

Of course, that leaves the problem of what the girls will do while the guys are gone. Bill suggests bringing the girls along on the trip, too.

Unhappy Camper Face #1: Jody’s reaction to this idea is the first of many dismayed expressions we’ll see this week.

Jody comes around a bit when he learns that the girls won’t actually be fishing. He springs the invitation on the girls just as they’re discussing their plans for a boy-free weekend.

Cue Unhappy Camper Face #2.

When the girls hear that Bill is happy about the family outing, though, they adopt their usual strategy: Repressing their feelings to shield his.

Soon, the whole family arrives in an area that looks vaguely like the out-of-doors.

French, for one, finds the country air “profoundly invigorating.”

I can see the practicality of hi deerstalker hat, but I think French should have dressed down a little.

I’d love to see him in something like Alice’s safari-wear.

Cissy makes a game attempt at appreciating the rural atmosphere.

She congratulates Bill on picking such a great camp site–her favorite radio station comes in perfectly.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Jody scamper off to the lake to skip rocks. These two and a body of water–what can go wrong?

Yeah. That.

Although she’s only fallen in foot-deep water, Buffy emerges completely soaked.

Unhappy Camper Face #3.

Cissy also faces adversity–she breaks a nail.

And Bill and Jody have no luck fishing because Jody keeps snagging his hook on nearby bushes and even his own pants.

I think Bill should be a bit more hands-on in his approach to teaching casting.

Luckily, French has a back-up plan for dinner: Steak Sauté Mozambique.

After dinner, the family dodges mosquitoes and sings a chorus of “The Long, Long Trail.”

Unhappy Camper Face #4: Buffy, after swallowing a mosquito mid-song.

(I always felt short-changed by TV scenes where families sang around a campfire. My baby-boomer parents would have found the idea of sitting around and singing World-War-I vintage tunes hilarious.)

Random direction note: Charles Barton must have hung up the “Gone fishin'” sign during this scene. Bill’s hat blocks Cissy’s face.

Everyone is ready for bed by 7 o’clock. Buffy claims to like sleeping in tents but changes her mind when she hears noises outside and imagines marauding lions.

Unhappy Camper Face #5.

The “lion” turns out to be Uncle Bill, who helps the girls get settled for bed.

Buffy decides to play it safe by sleeping with Cissy, though.

French’s tent experience is even worse–the whole thing collapses on him.

Unhappy Camper Face #6.

By the next morning, even Cissy can’t put on a good front–her transistor batteries have died.

Bill admits that he has made a mistake in choosing a family outing that doesn’t suit every family member. (Sadly, instead of just acknowledging that everyone has different tastes, he has to add, “This is no place for girls.” Ugh.)

Sexism aside, Buffy and Cissy are thrilled at the idea of returning home.

Jody’s reaction is slightly different.

Unhappy Camper Face #7.

Bill cheers him up by telling him that only French and the girls are leaving. Bill asks French to tell the people at the general store to “send a car for him” the next day. Wow–that general store offers some pretty unusual services!

Once they’re alone, Bill and Jody go on with their fishing. With nothing biting, Jody returns to the camp site to make a sandwich.

At that moment, Bill finally gets a tug on his line. Sorry that Jody is missing the moment, he gets a sudden brainstorm.

After reeling in his fish, he takes it off his hook and impales it on Jody’s. (If we had a close-up of the fish at this point, I’m pretty sure it would be our next Unhappy Camper image.)

He calls Jody back to the lake and helps him reel in “his” fish.

Watching Brian Keith handle this flopping fish is fun–it almost ends up in his crotch at one point.

“This is the most fun I ever had in my life,” a beaming Jody says.

Inexplicably, Bill takes this as his cue to crush the boy’s dreams.

Feeling guilty about lying, he confesses to the old fish-switcheroo.

“I thought we were pals,” a bewildered Jody laments. Unhappy Camper Face #8 is a real doozy.

“Looks like I made a mess out of the whole family outing,” Bill groans. Ya think?!

Fortunately, sweet-natured Jody comes up with a positive spin on Bill’s brutal honesty–it proves that they are “a couple of guys,” rather than “a little kid and a big man” fishing together.

Commentary

This episode is a long, long trail of parenting fails for Uncle Bill. I especially disagree with his decision to tell Jody the truth. How would it have hurt to let Jody believe he caught the fish alone?

The unhappy facial expressions throughout the episode are fun, though. You expect them from French, but Cissy and Buffy don’t often get the chance to look so disgusted.

A sweet scene about skipping rocks captures the essence of Buffy and Jody: She makes a poor attempt, he “shows her how” with his own poor attempt, and then she does it perfectly, giving him credit for her success.

Guest Cast

This is a true rarity–an episode with no guest cast at all.

Continuity Notes

Two old stand-bys–the Velvet Vultures and Captain Hippopotamus–pop up again.