Weird Words of Wisdom: Boring Beth and Sunshiny Sue Edition

“Develop a grand passion for the humble hard-boiled egg.”

altkoAltogether Lovely, 1960
By Charlene Johnson

About This Book and Its Author: “Different!” this book’s dust jacket announces. “That is the word which best describes this book.”

I have to agree with that. The teenage advice book market has certain subsets. Religious books, especially those from an evangelical Christian perspective, are common. So are books that focus on beauty and fashion. Not many authors attempt to combine these two perspectives.

Charlene Johnson, though, was both a model and the wife of a budding minister. Knowing nothing more about her than what’s in this book, I can tell she brings a lot of enthusiasm (as measured by exclamation points) to both roles.

Johnson usually spends most of a chapter discussing beauty and personality, then shifts to spiritual life. These transitions can be abrupt. Consider this paragraph from the chapter on skin care:

“Interesting, isn’t it? To think of the glands, pores, body oils, eyes, brows, mouth, teeth and all. How wonderfully we are made! I have often wondered how any thinking person could ever be an atheist.”

The other thing I know about Johnson is that her adolescence must have been a lot different than mine. She calls the teenage years “the most sparkling, exciting years of your life.”

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Quotes from Altogether Lovely

“Everybody wants to be popular!”

“’Miss Popular Teen’ has that indescribable something known as personality. She sparkles! She’s alive!”

“(Overweight) is the biggest bar to good looks; the best looking outfit or hairdo in town just won’t look sharp on an overweight girl.”

When walking: “Keep smoothness and complete poise and regalness foremost in your mind.”

“Walk quietly, smoothly—like a bride.”

Really? Never? Even if you're at the supermarket, staring at the cereal selection or something?

Really? Never? Even if you’re at the supermarket, staring at the cereal selection or something?

“Notice people as they sit down. Observe the awkward contortions many people go through just to sit.”

Well...this one I can get behind.

Well…this one I can get behind.

On Lipstick: “Use light, bright shades. They are so much younger, so much prettier. A dark mouth is a hard mouth.”

“White gloves are a must with heels.”

Proper dress for church: “A teen-ager should always wear nylon stockings and probably French heels…A hat, white gloves and small pearl earrings are in excellent taste.”

“Parties, luncheons, and even teas are becoming a part of your social life; right?…I’m sure you know that such affairs are dressed-up occasions—meaning heels and white gloves.”

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By the way, Johnson’s seminary-student husband did the illustrations for this book.

Something you probably won’t see in a current advice book for evangelical Christian teens: “The pitter patter of the teenage heart—the heartbeats, the heartaches, the heartbreaks—they’re all thrillingly yours. Enjoy every wonderful minute of teenage romance. The dating period is one of the happiest, most captivating and important experiences of your lifetime.”

“If you were the boy, which girl would you rather spend time with: (1) Boring Beth—quiet, dull, uninteresting? or (2) Sunshiny Sue—full of vim, vigor, fun, and life?”

You ain’t seen nothing yet: “If I could only tell you girls how deeply concerned I am with the shocking divorce rate in our country.” The U.S. divorce rate doubled between 1960 and 1980. It has since declined slightly.

“Being a housewife is just about the most wonderful profession in all the world for any woman…The housewife is the very center of love and sunshine and kindness in the home.”

On husbands: “Don’t completely domesticate him. Certainly there are little things he will like to do: play with the kiddies, or flip pancakes, or do the ‘man’s work’ around the home. Let him offer to help you, he wishes; don’t ever insist.”

“When he comes home for the office, make him proud of you. Look lovely—your hair combed, your appearance neat, your lipstick on, a pretty smile, and a loving kiss. See that the children are clean and the house tidy. Have dinner ready. Make him whisper deep down inside every night, ‘There’s no place like home. How lucky I am.’”

The Six Basic Personality Types and What They Wear

Sweet and feminine:“This miss is usually small in stature, soft spoken, and fair.” She should wear full skirts, pastels, and flowers in her hair.

Sporty: These types should wear “tailored, tweedy clothes” and woodsy colognes.

Queenly: “A true lady.” She likes simple, elegant clothes “and is lost without her white gloves.”

Slightly Sophisticated: She is tall, slender and “likes extremes in fashion.”

Exotic: “She has a ‘different’ look about her, and dresses to dramatize that.”

Vivacious: Full of life and pep, she “has her own happy flare for individual clothes.”

An echo in here: On the subject of makeup, Johnson writes, “Young eyes need no enhancement. They have their own sparkle and fire.” This is oddly similar to the wording in another book we’ve looked at—Once Upon a Dream by Patti Page, also published in 1960. Page wrote, “If you’re young and healthy, your eyes have enough sparkle and fire without needing any ‘extra added attractions.’” I’m not sure what to make of this. Maybe young eyes having “sparkle and fire” was part of the zeitgeist in 1960.

Other Weird Words of Wisdom posts you might enjoy:

A Million and One Tricks with a Strand of Pearls Edition

The Five Types of People Who Go All the Way Edition

Crisp White Gloves Edition

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3 thoughts on “Weird Words of Wisdom: Boring Beth and Sunshiny Sue Edition

  1. I love your comment about how a woman should stand – even in the supermarket while staring a cereal.

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